“SCARY GOOD”
Calendar Turns, Cannons Try to Turn Tables on CNMSBL A Division Rivals

West Hartford/Newington, CT (AP)—Trick or treat! Halloween and Dia de los Muertos were celebrated earlier this week marking the end of perhaps the most frighteningly fun time of year. However, the Connecticut Cannons hope to continue fear-fest for their CNMSBL foes as the highly-anticipated free agent signing period gets under way. As a cold November rain falls on Cannon Yards and New England as a whole slowly spirals towards the start of winter it is once again time to fire up the hot stove, Cannon Nation. Star power is, as always, at a premium in Newington and pitchers Scott Hurlbert (“I am so IN!!”), Teddy Prajzner (“I am currently in training to help bring home a championship in ‘08... get the champagne ready!”) and Jack Vanasse (“Definitely, definitely, definitely. I am IN!”), utility player Adam Pallone and catcher John Hepple, the faces of the 2008 free agent market, hope to make their marks as superstars in the ever-expanding constellation that is Cannons Baseball. In a bold barrage of moves just three months removed from losing in the opening round of the 2007 playoffs, the Cannons fired a fusillade of off-season salvos, sending shock waves throughout the state by announcing the signings of Hurlbert, Prajzner and Vanasse to multi-year deals (terms were not disclosed…according to a team representative, Hepple, Pallone and their respective representatives were “involved in continuing conversations with Cannons management” at press time). Each is expected to play an important role in the Cannons march towards CNMSBL supremacy in 2008. A source close to management said the team and its fans are “pumped” by the pennings, deals that “definitely put [Connecticut] in the driver’s seat for the upcoming campaign.” In his weekly meeting with local and national members of the media, Cannons’ Manager Matt Celio stated: “After the 2007 season ended with another team's name on our championship trophy, talk at Cannons Headquarters quite expectedly turned to our off-season regimen and how best to catapult the Cannons into championship contention in the CNMSBL A Division. These moves—especially the bolstering of our pitching rotation—topped our to-do list. Championships are won and lost in the off-season. The time to get better is now and these players clearly make us better for the foreseeable future. Injuries and inconsistencies have played a part in our struggles but the Cannons chemistry hasn’t been all that we’d hoped for since moving to the A Division. Though there have been promising signs over the past two campaigns, simply stated we have not lived up to our potential or expectations since moving up. Coddling, kowtowing and catering to players who are not providing any positives is a thing of the past in Newington…unless you play for the Capitals. Competitiveness, commitment and camaraderie are all important factors in building a successful ball club and hopefully these guys will prove to be the elements we need in our Periodic Table of future regular- and post-season success. We plan to be scary good in 2008 and for several seasons to come.” Assistant Manager Mike Weber added: “These guys are great players and, more importantly, great human beings. They are going to bring certain missing ingredients to our clubhouse that should really re-invigorate the ball club as a whole. I haven’t been this excited about an off-season since signing on with the club myself back in 2001…though this fact speaks volumes about my sex life. These kids are just what the Cannons have been looking for and just what we need to get over the top. I expect great things from them and the team as a whole. 2008 will undoubtedly be a great time to be a citizen of Cannon Nation.” In conjunction with the signings, the Cannons look to become a perennial powerhouse in A Division play by keeping the nucleus of last year’s team intact (thirteen of seventeen 2007 roster invitees are already under contract for the upcoming campaign). According to Las Vegas odds-makers, the addition of Hurlbert, Prajzner and Vanasse makes Connecticut the prohibitive favorite to win the 2008 CNMSBL Championship (2:1), followed by Hartford (5:1) and Eastern Connecticut (7:1). The Cannons have always been a hot-spot for free agent signees and despite the lack of recent success, Celio still thinks Connecticut is the team to beat in 2008: “We’re going to take it one day at a time next season but at the moment we’re not just a good team, we’re a great team. And don’t forget that. There’s a reason why we wear this Cannons uniform…because we’re bad motherf*****s!” Bringing back a core of Connecticut greats while at the same time inking deals with these new players is a treat for the Cannon Nation while the trick is most certainly on the rest of the A Division…and Opening Day is still six months away so others moves may soon follow. Boo-yah, CNMSBL! CANNONS FOREVER!

Cannons News and Notes: Chris Barsa won Cannons Jeopardy! 2007 and with it the lefty an Opening Day '08 start; in other news from the right side of the infield: a surprise turn of events found Craig Perrier agreeing to a four-year incentive-laden contract extension with the Cannons after verbally announcing his retirement in the early morning hours following Jocktoberfest just over a month ago…Perrier also announced he is vying for a spot on a vastly improved Cannons pitching staff including the likes of Mike Patenaude, Ed Poland and Prajzner among others…he hopes that the group will come to be known throughout the league as the “P-Pod”…heavy doses in opposing batters’ diets will definitely be bad for their health (P is also the chemical symbol for Phosphorous…highly flammable…THE HEAT IS ON!); with a handful of expiring contracts the Cannons hope to throw their proverbial hat into the A-Rod sweepstakes…he would play third with Tom Luby still the stalwart incumbent at short; in the modern era the Connecticut Cannons have won the CNMSBL championship in the season immediately following a Boston Red Sox World Series sweep, bad news for the rest of the A Division; the 2008 Step Up to the Plate Charity Baseball Marathon at Riverside Park in Glastonbury is scheduled to start on Friday, May 23 and end on Saturday, May 24…more details to follow; the St. Louis Rams play the Pittsburgh Steelers on Thursday, December 20 (8:00 p.m. kick-off) and the Connecticut Cannons will once again be at the world famous Sliders in Berlin for some fabulous fall-down drunk fun…Ten Penny pitchers and Flammin’ Raspberry wings all around!...there’s no better way to kick off the holidays than with the Cannons; Jason Maule’s bachelor party is scheduled for this Friday evening in Berlin at 7:00 p.m. (management plans to be in attendance…contact Cannons World Headquarters for further information…any and all comers are welcome).

CANNONS ROCK JOCKTOBERFEST

Souvenirs of the 2007 Season on a Sultry Saturday Evening In Newington

Cannons Party News and Notes: Another season officially came to close with 2007's Jocktoberfest at Assistant Manager Mike Weber's estate on Saturday, October 6 (into Sunday, October 7...either the mark of a great party or the result of what some in the "studio audience" considered a too-long Cannons Jeopardy!...we'll work on pacing for '08). As always, the Weber's truly out-did themselves and this fun-filled end-of-year event was well-attended by Cannons players, family members and friends and was highlighted by phenomenal German fare, the aforementioned twenty-category Cannons Jeopardy!—won by Chris Barsa, guaranteeing "Bozrah" an Opening Day '08 start—and the Cannons Awards. Jason Maule followed up his record-breaking five awards won in 2006 with four more this season...Maule's nine total awards move him into sole possession of second-place on the team's all-time list ahead of Tom Luby with six and Ed Poland with five (Matt Celio is the lifetime leader, earning ten out of the sixty-three awards presented since 2004, including the first-ever "Mancer Mojo" Award in '07, though there are grumblings that a fix may be in at Cannons World Headquarters); now fifty-two years old, Mike Patenaude won the eponymous Michael K. Patenaude Cannons Pitching Award for the first time since the 2004 campaign; Luby took home the highly-coveted Jason T. Jackson Cannons Lifetime Achievement Award, joining past winners Andy "Father of Cannons Baseball" Borst (2004), Celio (2005) and Weber (2006)...this is the only Cannons Award to have a ten-year time limitation for repeat recipients...Lubes contacted JJax from the event and the former first baseman expressed his heart-felt devotion to Cannon Nation and her many citizens; Drew McDowell took home Rookie of the Year honors and was also singled out as a Cannons Iron Man for making all twenty-two of the team's regular- and post-season games in 2007 (Weber also received this award); Mike Calabrese, Leo Dionicio, Mark Lynch, Steve Markie, Drew McDowell, Ed Poland and Brian Pinney were the 2007 roster players not in attendance at the End-of-Year Extravaganza though former Cannon Kevin McGann closed the party out.

2007 CONNECTICUT CANNONS REGULAR- AND POST-SEASON

AWARD WINNERS

2007
Andrew H. Borst
Cannons Comeback Player of the Year
Matt Celio

2007
Ann Luby
Cannons Fans of the Year
The Celio Family: Audra, Joseph and Isabella

2007
Cannons Batting Title
Leo Dionicio
.484 Average

2007
Cannons Golden Spikes Award
Matt Celio

2007
Cannons Iron Man Award
Drew McDowell

2007
Cannons Iron Man Award
Mike Weber

2007
Cannons Offensive Player of the Year
Jason Maule

2007
Cannons Rookie of the Year
Drew McDowell

2007
Jason T. Jackson
Cannons Lifetime Achievement Award
Tom Luby

2007
John E. Mancini
Cannons “Mancer Mojo” Award
Matt Celio

2007
Kevin J. McGann
Cannons Defensive Player of the Year
Jason Maule

2007
Matthew D. Celio/Michael F. Weber
Cannons Teammate of the Year and Service Award
Matt Celio

2007
Michael K. Patenaude
Cannons Pitching Award
Mike Patenaude

2007
Most Improved Cannon Award
Leo Dionicio

2007
Most Valuable Cannon Award
Jason Maule

2007
Tom “Mr. August” Bogiatzis
Most Valuable Cannon Award—Playoffs
Jason Maule

EIGHT MEN OUT FOR KEYSTONE CANNONS
Connecticut Implodes Rather Than Explodes In Playoffs; Set Sites On ’08 Season

Newington, CT (AP)—The Keystone Cops were an insanely incompetent group of policemen who graced the silver screen between 1912 and 1917 in Mack Sennett’s slapstick series of films. The term has since come to be used to criticize any group for its mistakes, particularly if the miscues occur with a great sense of regularity and/or in an activity where excessive amounts of energy are expended, eventually for naught. Saturday’s opening round of the 2007 CNMSBL playoffs saw the Connecticut Cannons stumble and bumble their way to an early exit in the A Division’s second season at Sacco Stadium at Alumni Field in Newington. Less than a week ago, Connecticut played its best baseball of the campaign sweeping the regular season finale against the Eastern Connecticut Cubs while earning the label of championship “contender.” Today the 2007 season has come to a quick close with a faint fizzle rather than a ballyhooed bang and “pretender” seems a more apropos assessment of this season’s Cannons: foiled again, folks. Expectations were high for this team—the franchise felt from the beginning that it was time to “Kick ‘A’ and Take Names” after a successful playoff run in 2006—and despite on- and off-field upgrades including a trio of preseason signings that unquestionably made them better the bite of the injury bug, especially to the pitching staff, showed the Cannons have yet to make the leap to elite status in the league. Questions persist in most facets of the game and Connecticut must address these issues if they plan to compete for the 2008 title (and obviously they do). It has been said that August games are often won in the off-season so it’s time to get cracking, Cannon Nation, and close the gap between nearly-was and almost-ran to perennial powerhouse. If you’re not getting better then you’re getting worse and things don’t get much worse than they did on Saturday.

Game One’s match-up with the second-seeded Hartford Nationals (13-5 regular season) pitted veteran pitcher Mike Patenaude against hard-throwing Pete Erlich, the New Jersey native and late addition to the Nats rotation and playoff roster. Patenaude was staked to an early lead as Hartford’s right-hander encountered control issues from the onset (when discussing the power pitcher’s potential John Mancini postulated: “Well, so far his best pitch is a ball so it’s hard to say.”). Jason Maule led off the game with a base on balls but was erased on Steve Markie’s fielder’s choice. Leo Dionicio and Tom Luby followed with singles to load the bases and Drew McDowell worked a walk to move Markie home with the first Cannons run and the first postseason RBI of his career. However, Connecticut would fail to do further damage as Mark Lynch and Mike Calabrese were handled by Erlich and Hartford came to the plate in the home half of the first breathing a collective sigh of relief to be down just one. Spotty defense—damaging dropped balls, myriad misplays and awful overthrows—marred the first frame for the Cannons as Patenaude was dinked and dunked for three runs on two walks, three hits and three errors as the Nationals made the most of their multiple opportunities. Offensively things became even more botched and blundered in the second for the Cannons. Connecticut initially showed signs of bouncing back as Chris Barsa singled to start the frame (Calabrese entered as a pinch runner), Mike McGann fought pitches off for a free pass and Jason “Truth” Maule (as The Police sing on their Outlandos d’Amour tune: “Truth” hits everybody) stroked a sharp base hit to center. This ball was hit so hard—reaching Juan Rosado almost immediately on a single hop—that Manager Matt Celio was forced to hold Cal at third. McGann, motoring all the way, never noticed that the lead runner had halted and after a ridiculously orchestrated run-down the Cannons, rather than having a bases loaded situation with no outs, found themselves instead with two down and Maule soberly standing on second. Markie grounded out to end the inning extinguishing the proverbial fire that had sparked the Cannons’ fuse in the early going and the team was unable to recover. Patenaude (2 IP, 7 R, 4 ER, 7 H, 3 BB) surrendered four runs on a walk and four consecutive hits (a double, three singles) in the second and was removed at the end of the inning in favor of Calabrese, the shortest start of the left-hander’s seven-year Cannon career. Cal (4 IP, 0 R, 2 H, 1 K, 4 BB), pitching for the first time since his July 22 loss to John Skinner and the Glastonbury Marlins, was lights out limiting the heavy-hitting Hartford line-up to just two hits over the final five frames. Connecticut rallied for three runs in the fifth as Kevin Quinn singled, Lynch and Calabrese were issued walks and Barsa torched a two-run single as the hustling Cannons’ catcher beat out a bang-bang play at the plate. McGann worked another walk, the twelfth of his post-season career moving him into sole possession of second place on the team’s all-time list ahead of Ed Poland (11) and behind Andy Borst (14), and Maule hit a sacrifice fly to deep right field scoring Cal. Unfortunately the Cannons last two chances amounted to nothing as Erlich, despite nine walks over the first five frames, retired the sides in order over the final two innings for a 7-4 Hartford win (the Nats dropped a 5-4 thriller to the Fish in the afternoon game but both advanced to next weekend’s action with the winner facing the Cubbies for the CNMSBL crown). “We knew we were playing a solid ball club today in the Nationals,” said Celio between games. “But we’re most disappointed that we didn’t give them our best out there today. Running ourselves out of innings, miscues on plays that we make easily during the regular season while at the same time failing to get the shutdown performance we needed from MP (0-1) all contributed to a loss. We gift-wrapped this game for a good team and they’ve got the talent to exploit an advantage every time. We never gave up and guys were giving it their all but it was obvious to all observers that Hartford didn’t beat us as much as we beat ourselves. It’s going to sting a bit but we’ve got a chance to bounce back in the afternoon session by playing better baseball.”

Word arrived that the third-seeded Marlborough Athletics (11-7 regular season) would be Connecticut’s afternoon opponent and members of management were informed that the A’s would only be able to field a team of eight in this loser’s bracket battle. The Cannons, especially the pitchers, considered a forfeit but the Holy Trinity of Dionicio, Luby and Maule along with others decided to do the honorable thing by playing for the right to move forward (when Dionicio offered A’s Manager Paul Sciano the already-absent Barsa to fill out his roster Sciano jokingly jested: “We’ll take the forfeit instead.”). Game Two witnessed Calabrese’s return to the mound—easily his best pitching performances of the season as he posted a 2.00 ERA in seven strong innings of work, a dramatic drop from his 8.05 ERA during the regular season—for his fourth playoff start and third in the A Division and the Cannons offense was able to provide Cal with a one-run first-inning cushion. Maule mashed a single, stole second and moved to third on Quinn’s ground out to the right side. Dionicio hit a fly ball to left that somehow was secured by Keith Echevarria but still scored the Cannons’ speedy centerfielder for the early advantage. Calabrese was in command in the beginning, baffling Marlborough’s line-up over the first two innings and Connecticut’s batters were able to add to the lead in the third as Maule walked, stole second and scored on Quinn’s double off of the left field wall (Dionicio, lacking his usual hustle, grounded into a double play to end the inning as Quinn tried to take third on a grounder to the left side). With an automatic out built into the bottom of the order, the Athletics were aggressive at the plate in the third managing to put together a three-run two-out rally on a walk, a double, an error and two singles in what would be the final frame for a gassed Calabrese (3 IP, 3 R, 2 ER, 5 H, 1 K, 1 BB). The Cannons came back to take the lead in the top of the fourth as the ball began to fall in against an undermanned A’s outfield. Luby led off with a single (Dionicio was inserted as a pinch runner) and McDowell was able to double the “Dominican Dreamboat” home to tie the score at three. Celio followed with a fast-dropping double to left that moved “Drew Diesel” home with the go-ahead run (and Dionicio was once again put in as a pinch runner). Cal grounded to third for the first out of the inning but Dionicio moved up ninety feet on the play. Craig “Water” Perrier hit a ball sharply to Guido “Whacka” Moleti at second who instead of taking the easy out at first fired a laser to third catching Dionicio in a rundown for the second out and a stop to the scoring threat as McGann grounded to short to end things. Kevin Quinn (2 IP, 0R, 5 H, 1 BB, 1 HBP) entered with a tenuous one-run advantage but was able to battle out of jams in back-to-back innings courtesy of some tough-nosed tosses and solid defense from McGann—diving around the infield like a later day Louganis—Maule and Lynch who cut down Echevarria at the plate to maintain the one run margin. Patenaude pitched the sixth, allowing Derek Bell to cross with the tying tally as four straight runners reached on two walks and two singles following the free out yet fate once again seemed to favor the Cannons in the playoffs with the help of the ’07 recruiting class. Perrier pounded a ball down the vacated left field line and coasted into second with his first postseason knock and the start of a seventh-inning rally. Maule doubled home the fifth Connecticut run on his fifth hit of the day and Quinn provided some insurance as he singled home Maule for a two-run advantage with an automatic out built into the Marlborough line-up in the home half of the final frame. Patenaude (1.1 IP, 4 R, 4 ER, 6 H, 2 BB) allowed an infield single to the seventh batter Coleman Gary and a throwing error by Cal at short moved the runner into scoring position. Paddy Laughlin followed with an RBI single that put the tying run on the base paths for the A’s but with the ninth batter approaching the plate the Cannons invoked the automatic out rule against Garret Anderson. As was the case all day—Marlborough scored all of their runs in innings with the Anderson built-in out—Bell was able to single moving the lead runner into scoring position. Jimmy Mack muscled a Patenaude (0-2) pitch to the gap in right centerfield with both runners on the move and Marlborough miraculously staved off elimination with just eight players, snatching a game back from the jaws of defeat to take a 7-6 victory over the Cannons, advancing into the second round of postseason play on Sunday while avenging last season’s playoff loss against Connecticut. “You’ve got to hand it to [the Athletics],” stated a subdued Celio after the loss. “They did what they needed to in order to win the game. Six runs should have been enough for us but their pitchers threw well when they had to, the two outfielders made some solid if not spectacular plays and they hung in and rallied against the guy who has been the rock of our rotation this season. You just tip your cap and try to turn the team’s attention to the 2008 season. We’ll be back and better than ever next year, mark my words.”

On Saturday the Connecticut Cannons at times resembled the bumbling black-and-white Bobbies of the baseball world. Pitching pratfalls, batting blunders, running ramblings and fielding fiascos all played a part in the team’s early exit from postseason play. Still, the Cannons were competitive in both ball games and one has to wonder where Connecticut might have finished if they played their best baseball this weekend? The 2007 season has come to a crashing halt for the citizens of Cannon Nation but hope springs eternal and the sunny Sundays of 2008 are not that far away. Will management tender the needed transactions to take Connecticut to the CNMSBL A Division championship or are there enough pieces in place already to take the title? The core of Cannons Baseball remains intact and expectations will once again soar to stratospheric levels next season. The goal, as always, remains the same: bring a title to Newington. The ’08 champ will not be crowned until next August more than a year from now but the title will be won starting today. Connecticut's sites are set so be a part of it as the Cannons reload and reach new heights in the upcoming campaign. Despite the outcome it goes without saying that today, tomorrow and always CANNONS FOREVER!

Cannons News and Notes: Maule was five-for-five on the day becoming the first Cannon to bat 1.000 in the playoffs since Steve Markie in 2004…in two seasons with the Cannons the star centerfielder is a mind-boggling sixteen-for-twenty-one (.762) in postseason play; Luby’s seventy-nine at-bats, thirty-three hits, ten doubles, five homers, twenty runs and thirty-two RBI are all playoff tops on the team; Lynch, McDowell, Perrier and Quinn all saw the first playoff action of their careers…all four scored runs; Barsa, McDowell, Maule and Quinn had two RBI apiece on Saturday; Perrier’s Game Two seventh inning double was the 250th hit for the Cannons in the postseason; the Cannons hit .302 as a team in the ’07 playoffs, up from a regular season average of .274…Hartford and Marlborough hit a combined .418 (twenty-three-for-fifty-five) against Cannons’ pitching; Quinn pitched seven innings for the Cannons after his August call-up allowing just one unearned run; twelve of the sixteen players eligible to cast votes for the 2007 Cannons Awards did so before the 11:59 p.m. deadline on Friday, August 10…winners of the fourteen regular and postseason awards will be announced at Weber’s End-of Year Extravaganza and J-Ocktoberfest (scheduled for Saturday, October 6 beginning at 6:00 p.m.); Celio “shaved the Youk,” his Civil War-era beard, on Sunday; no rest for the weary: Celio, McGann and Perrier reaped rewards from a recruiting trip to Holyoke, MA, signing thirty-two year old right-hander “Nice Guy” Teddy Prajzner whom they watched countless hours of video on (a side stop was made at the world famous Mardi Gras strip club where McGann, in his Mike’s Hard Lemonade promotional giveaway cap, was called “the sexiest f***er in the place” by exotic dancer Rebecca…Celio paid for his private dance…Perrier received a lap dance from Autumn though she explained unnecessarily over chilled Jägermeister shots that this is not her Christian name); Celio, McGann and Weber will continue to rework the roster this week at Newington’s Mill Pond as they attempt to pen soon-to-be twenty-eight year old pitching prospect Matt Guida from West Hartford; women truly weaken legs: McGann spent his hour and forty minute break between games banging Fan of the Year nominee Sarah Akhtar, going hitless (though turning in some highlight-reel defense at second) before being lifted in favor of Patenaude.

BIG GAME HUNTERS
Cannons Kill Cubs, Set Sites on CNMSBL Championship

Manchester, CT (AP)—Hunting is the practice of tracking animals for products—food, fur, etc.—or simple recreation. Conversely, big-game hunting is the sport of trophy hunting for large and often dangerous beasts involving the heightened excitement of a kill or be killed atmosphere. Hunters of all ilks persistently bait, drive, stalk, track or trap their prey until eventually only one is left standing, winning in the basest form of the word. On Sunday, the proverbial hunters became the hunted as the Eastern Connecticut Cubs (11-7) hungrily welcomed the Connecticut Cannons (4-14) to their den at Mt. Nebo Field in Manchester in the regular-season finale of the 2007 campaign. Expecting easy pickings and a pair of Ws, the Baby Bears instead found themselves staring straight down the barrel of a fully armed and dangerous Cannons team and, before the day was complete, were subsequently nagged, scragged, tagged and bagged in a pair of losses, a 3-2 thriller and an 8-3 laugher. As August enters its second weekend, the Connecticut Cannons will engage in a different sort of trophy hunting: the all-important, all-consuming task of taking their first CNMSBL A Division title. The road will be fraught with danger but this team resoundingly showed that it is more than up to the challenge. Tally-ho, Cannon Nation!

Game One featured a match-up of the league’s old and new—with red beating blue—as Connecticut’s cagey veteran Mike Patenaude squared of against Eastern Connecticut’s Eddie Murphy. The Cannons’ elder statesman surrendered a first-inning run on a Leif Ericson walk and a Brooks Dunne single as Leo Dionicio’s throw to first on a ball hit to the hole with a clear-cut force at second extended the inning for the Cubs (in classic Dionicio fashion after the third out the “Dominican Destroyer” entered the visiting dugout and promised Patenaude, “I owe you one,” prompting Manager Matt Celio to recall the numerous instances that this very pledge has been made saying, “You maxed out that line of credit so long ago that your nickname should be Visa.”). Patenaude resoundingly responded, holding Eastern Connecticut scoreless over the next four frames while allowing just three runners to reach safely on two singles and a double. Murphy was equally as effective scattering five hits through the first five innings before being touched for the tying run in the top of the sixth on singles by Dionicio and Tom Luby, a base on balls to free agent acquisition Kevin Quinn and a two-out bases loaded walk to Mike Weber. The Cubs came back in the home half of the sixth as lead-off batter Mike Kakalow walked, stole second and scored on Paul Verboven’s double before Patenaude (7 IP, 2 R, 2 ER, 7 H, 3 K, 2 BB, 1 HBP) struck out Erle Stanley Gardner and Dunne flied to Jason Maule in center, one of six put-outs for the Cannons’ speedy Defensive Player of the Year candidate. Connecticut, no strangers to late-inning letdowns, found themselves on the right side of a rally as Craig “Water” Perrier and Drew “Louisiana Lightnin’” McDowell singled with one out and Mike “Big Mac” McGann worked a two out walk to load the bases for Dionicio. The “Hitter From Hispaniola” balanced the books and came through in the clutch with a two-run single that gave the Cannons a 3-2 advantage (McGann was eventually tagged out in a rundown as he attempted to score on Dionicio’s advance to second). Patenaude (3-7) ran into some difficulty in the bottom of the seventh as Royce Bentley singled to start the inning. An amazing stop by Luby on a hot shot to third gave the Cannons’ hurler a much-needed out but the tying run moved into scoring position with only one away. At 0-2 Patenaude plunked an overpowered Stavros Mikos before another fly out to Maule in center brought the tenth batter Rouge Moulin to the plate. An error by Dionicio on a ground ball to short loaded the bases with the hard-hitting Kakalow approaching the plate. Pitcher and shortstop exchanged words and the “Gringo From Santo Domingo” exhorted the left-hander to direct his anger toward short: “Get mad at ME!” Dionicio demanded in an attempt to pump his pitcher up. When his son Bryan was asked if he was loud like his Dad on the diamond, the younger Dionicio replied, “No. I don’t say stupid things like he does.” On his one hundredth pitch of the contest Patenaude popped the Cubbies’ Manager to center to secure a hard-fought, well-played, one-run victory. Designated hitter Chris Barsa was impressed with the team’s performance: “Mike has been throwing the ball well over the second half of the season and today was another example of why we will be tough to beat in an elimination game. Defensively we were solid and offensively we are starting to hit better top to bottom.” When Barsa was asked about Dionicio’s big hit, his longtime teammate quipped, “I was less surprised that Leo got a hit in that situation than I was with the fact that a Latino actually paid a bill in a timely fashion.” Laughs and a light-hearted milieu marked this Cannons clubhouse, an energy that has been lacking in large quantities since last August seemed to reinvigorate the team carrying over into the final regular-season contest.

Game Two saw the Cannons jump out to an early three-run lead courtesy of the Holy Trinity’s “Son” and “Father Almighty,” Dionicio and Luby. McGann reached when he was hit in the right bicep by a Kakalow fastball—though bruised and battered, he is listed as day to day—and moved to second on a passed ball. Dionicio, in search of his first batting title with Connecticut, smoked a double that moved McGann around to score with the first run of the game. Luby followed with a towering two-run blast down the left-field line for his first home run of the season—the team-leading eleventh of his colorful career—and a 3-0 Cannons lead. Patenaude (2 IP, 2 R, 2 ER, 3 H, 1 K, 1 HBP), starting for the tenth time in the team’s final twelve games, relinquished two runs to the Cubs on a Kakalow single, an Ericson RBI double and a Dunne run-scoring single to pull the home team back within one but the Cannons offense was far from done for the day. In the second, Mark “Keyser Soze” Lynch singled and Barsa walked before Maule and McGann stroked singles that plated the pair. In the third, Luby doubled deep to the corner in left, moved to third on a passed ball and scored on a Perrier ground out to the right side to put Connecticut comfortably ahead 6-2. The home half of the third inning saw the much-anticipated mound debut of Quinn, the highly-touted pitching prospect out of Central Connecticut State University (expected to be a big part of the ’07 recruiting class along with McDowell and Perrier, the right-hander battled through some early season arm problems before his call-up to the club on Sunday). “K-Dog” as he is affectionately known baffled the Bears with his quirky motion, allowing an unearned run to cross in the third before silencing Eastern Connecticut’s sticks almost entirely. The Cannons were able to add a pair of runs in the sixth on a two-out Weber single and a bomb by Jason “Holy Spirit” Maule to deep to right field to give the righty a five-run cushion. Quinn (5 IP, 1 R, 0 ER, 1 H, 5 BB) didn’t disappoint as he used solid play from his defense—a pair of double plays started by Luby at third and some strong snags by Barsa in left after he replaced an injured Patenaude—to secure his first victory in a Cannons uniform. Quinn (1-0) was quoted after the game: “It’s been awhile since I’ve been on the bump. I didn’t have my best stuff out there and I was short-arming a lot of my off-speed stuff. It felt great to be playing ball at a high level again, especially to be part of two wins which I know are the signal to the start of a memorable August. It was all that I expected and more and I really enjoyed playing with these guys. I wish I could be a part of the Championship run this season but I’ll definitely be back in 2008.” As the rookie right-hander expressed, there is still much to be done in 2007’s eighth month before the Cannons turn their attention to next season as the playoffs loom largely ahead.

August has arrived and on a weekend marked by major historical moments on the diamond—Barry Bonds tying Hank Aaron atop the career home run list with 755, Alex Rodriguez becoming the youngest player to reach the 500 homer plateau and Tom Glavine pitching his way into the exclusive 300 win club—every eye in the baseball world was focused on miniscule Manchester, the Connecticut Cannons and their upcoming quest for immortality. Does this team have the firepower to compete for and ultimately capture the CNMSBL Championship in 2007? If Sunday was any indication, then the answer is a resounding YES! An opening round match-up against the second-seeded Hartford Nationals (13-5) this Saturday (10:00 a.m.) at Sacco Stadium at Alumni Field—a.k.a. Newington High School—marks the beginning of what should be an epic journey on the path to greatness. Limited tickets for the first and second games on what sports fans call the CNMSBL’s Super Saturday are available at 1 800 CANNONS or on-line at ctcannons.blogspot.com. Connecticut, bored with conventional prey like the antagonist in Richard Connell’s classic short story “The Most Dangerous Game,” has come to see Hartford as the only quarry—the most dangerous prey—worthy of their skills. Pick up your balls and load up your Cannons for a twenty-one gun salute, AC/DC fans. Ready! AIM! FIRE! Let the hunt for RED August begin.

Cannons News and Notes: With six hits on Sunday, Dionicio (.484) became the team’s first minority member to win a batting title—including the Cannons’ one hundred fiftieth and final hit of the regular season—a feat on par with Jackie Robinson’s breaking of the Major League color barrier sixty years ago…Dionicio on Sunday stated: “I hate white people. The members of Los Fraternity Blanquitos—Lambda Lambda Lambda—are always trying to keep me down. But white woman are freaks!;” Luby and Maule tied for the team lead with twenty-two hits each; Maule led the team in seven other offensive categories as well: at-bats (56), doubles (8), home runs (2), runs (20), RBI (15), slugging percentage (.643) and on-base + slugging percentage (1.120); Luby is the Cannons’ lifetime leader with eighty-one RBI; Celio, Dionicio, Luby, Steve Markie and Maule all finished the season with batting averages above .300; Celio is the Cannons’ all-time leader in hits (119), doubles (26), walks (39…tied with Andy Borst) and runs (71); with a base-on-balls and a hit-by-pitch, McGann took over the team lead with ten free passes in 2007, surpassing Maule and McDowell (9 each); Mike Calabrese did not strike out in his twenty-six at-bats this season…Maule struck out only once in his fifty-six at-bats…in the first inning of the first game on the road at Bristol and has only struck out three times in two full seasons (ninety-seven at-bats); with a batting average of .418, Ed Poland still holds the all-time team mark despite missing much of the season with a knee injury; Weber (325) and Celio (308) are the only Cannons with more than three hundred at-bats (Luby has 297) accounting for nearly seventeen percent of the team’s seven-season total; Quinn became the first Cannons rookie to win his first start since Calabrese in ’05…he allowed just one hit in fourteen at-bats for a batting average against of .071; Patenaude pitched in twelve games this season and had three of the team’s six wins; McDowell appeared in all twenty games for the Cannons (starting nineteen), the only player to do so this year; when recalling last season’s games at Mt. Nebo, Maule mentioned: “It was like two or three years ago that Cal hit [Bill] Lageman with a pitch to force in the game winner. Oh wait, I’ve only played on the Cannons for two seasons…it seems more like ten;” the Cannons averaged 3.95 runs per contest while allowing 7.1; the team belted 7.5 hits each game while surrendering 9.7; with six victories the Cannons posted their top win total in A Division play; Patenaude, after three full seasons playing alongside Barsa, still refers to the veteran as “Bozrah,” a small town in Connecticut; Italian-Fest ’07 was held on Friday evening at Cannons World Headquarters in West Hartford and was attended by twelve current and former players (eight arrived on Sunday for some post-game carbo-loading)…the team has never lost on a Sunday following this annual event though this marked the first time the Cannons have swept a double header after the gathering; Perrier claimed Celio was “throwing down pasta like a mob boss” at Italian-Fest; at the party, Celio discovered from Kathy Patenaude that she has to “blow [Mike] every Sunday after games” to which the pitcher responded “it costs me more and more money each week;” after Patenaude’s muscle pull in the fifth inning of Game Two, it was announced that although he will be fine to pitch there would be no more hitting or running for him this season…Celio called this “the perfect injury;” MP earned rave reviews from the team for his two new styles of leading: 1) the arm-out Zoolander; and 2) the arms-on-hips Captain Morgan; while watching Gladiator at World Headquarters on Saturday evening, McGann informed management that he “like[s] Russell Crowe…he dated Meg Ryan;” McGann also announced that it is difficult to keep his private life under wraps because of the close personal relationship between Perrier and girlfriend Sarah “Splinter Cell” Akhtar; Perrier, after a one-for-six performance on Sunday, has scheduled an eye examination for 1:15 p.m. on Tuesday in Springfield…new contacts are expected to arrive within forty-eight hours just in time for the playoffs; Luby sipped a Sam Adams Light between games, saying that John Mancini’s newly-formed affiliation with Budweiser forced a change; polls for the 2007 Cannons Awards are currently open—three full ballots have already been cast—and will remain so until 11:59 p.m. on Friday, August 10.

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HIGH TIDE, LOW TIDE
Post-Season Perigee And Proxigee: Cannons Win 4-3, Lose 10-1 Versus Marlins

Glastonbury, CT (AP)—Tides: the cyclical rising and falling of the Earth’s ocean surface caused by the gravitational or “tractive” forces of the Moon and Sun. Water’s wanderings are most pronounced along coastlines of the world’s oceans, gulfs and bays where tidal ranges—the differences in height between low and high tide—are increased by factors from topography to meteorology, as Joe “Doppler” Furey fans are well aware. From ancient times, tides have been observed and understood with expanding sophistication, first noting the daily recurrence, then their relationship to heavenly bodies—no Cannon Nation, not Leo Dionicio, Jason Maule or John Mancini…especially below the Mancer’s belt!—and knowledge of this daily ebb and flow has become increasingly vital for many of man’s functions, including navigation, fishing and construction of coastal facilities. This natural procession and recession in many ways mirrors the A Division play of the Connecticut Cannons, though this team—the pick of many prognosticators and pundits to win the 2007 CNMSBL Championship—is famously more frustrating to forecast. The Cannons have at times during their two years in the A Division looked like the proverbial big fish in a little pond with successes from series sweeps to powerful playoff performances. In other instances the team has struggled to keep its head above water, languishing in lengthy losing streaks and eight times dropping games by a single run. A gain here, a setback there. Sunday on the road against the Glastonbury Marlins (6-8) was yet another example of the dichotomy that has often defined Connecticut Cannons baseball: a well-played 4-3 win that saw the team play as anticipated in all aspects of the game followed by a 10-1 loss that was the antithesis of the Game One victory. Like baseball’s version of the Beach Boys, the Cannons hope to “catch a wave and they’ll be sitting on top of the world” when the ’07 post-season comes to a close in August. The attraction or, if you will, gravitational pull of this is most alluring to Cannons fans from the Connecticut coast to the capital region.

Old man of the “C,” Mike Patenaude, made the start in the opener after his wondrous, woebegone two hundred two-pitch two-loss outing against first-place Bristol one week ago. The Cannons were able to score a first-inning run against lightning-armed left-hander Kei Hamada courtesy of a Maule walk and stolen base (an overthrow advanced him to third) and a Mike Calabrese sacrifice fly for a 1-0 lead. This marked the seventh time that Maule has tallied a first frame run for the Cannons in his fourteen games played this season. The Marlins responded immediately, plating a pair of runs against Patenaude in the home half of the first as he surrendered consecutive hits to Wally Joyner, San Diego State star and former Florida farmhand B. F. Skinner and Ray Allen before getting Chris "Bugsy" Moran on a fly out and Mickey Bantle on a swinging strike out. The Cannons were kept quiet until the sixth when Matt Celio led off with a walk, John Mancini singled sharply to left-centerfield in his first game action in nearly a month following a thirty minute cage session to Baseball City on Saturday and Calabrese lined a ball to left to load the bases. With one out, Cannons Rookie of the Year candidate Drew McDowell smashed a 2-2 pitch deep to an unfortunately fenceless left field that cleared the bases giving the Cannons a 4-2 advantage. Patenaude (7 IP, 3 R, 2 ER, 7 H, 5 K, 3 BB) battled the “Asian Assassin” pitch for pitch over the course of the contest allowing just three walks and two hits between the second and sixth innings. In the seventh, Patenaude faced pinch hitter Shawn Barry who hit a rocket right back to the box that the southpaw snagged for the first out of the frame. A single by Beavis Cornholio and an error put the tying run on with just one down but a ground ball to the hole at short allowed an alert and athletic Calabrese’s to cut down the lead runner at third for the second out of the inning. Skinner singled home a run and stole second putting the tying and winning runs just ninety and one hundred eighty feet respectively from home with the clean-up hitter Allen approaching the plate (his two RBI in the first accounted for the Fish’s earlier scoring). Refusing to fold in the face of adversity, Patenaude (2-5) pounded the strike zone with an awesome array of pitches and three swings later the lefty had logged a strike out and his second victory of the season, the Cannons fourth overall matching the team’s 2006 total. Following his winning one hundred eight-pitch performance, Patenaude stated in his post-game press conference: “We showed what kind of team we can be when we play solid defense and come up with some clutch hits. We got great contributions from everybody out there today and that is what has made us successful in the past and will be the key to our immediate future. It hasn’t necessarily shown in the wins column but we are playing with a high level of consistency and confidence that has been the trademark of Cannons Baseball, especially at this time of year. I’m excited about our prospects in the upcoming playoffs. I know I wouldn’t want to face us in an elimination game.”

After the “old man” the Cannons went to Mike “C”alabrese following a lay-off of over two months between starts (May 20 at Marlborough; he relieved Steve Markie on June 3 against Winsted). Not surprisingly, Cal was a bit rusty in the early going as the Marlins built an 8-0 cushion after the first two frames on seven hits, a walk and an error. At the same time Calabrese’s opposite number Skinner was in total command of the Cannons’ batters, facing just one more than the minimum through the first four frames (hitting Mark “Keyser Soze” Lynch with a pitch to lead off the second). Calabrese (6 IP, 10 R, 8 ER, 11 H, 1 K, 3 BB) settled down against a hard-hitting Glastonbury ball club and resembled the 2005 Patenaude Award winner that Connecticut will rely heavily upon if they hope to make a deep run into August. In the top of the fifth, Lynch worked a walk—his third free pass of the day including the HBP—but was erased on a Mike “Big Papio” McGann fielder’s choice. Skinner proceeded to punch out Patenaude and Perrier but in both instances the ball got by the catcher Joyner and the Cannons loaded the bases with two outs. Celio stepped to the plate and hit a hard ground ball up the middle that ricocheted off of the Marlins’ ace breaking up the no-hit bid and bringing home McGann with the first and only Cannons’ run (Calabrese singled in the sixth, his third hit in three games, representing the only other hit against Skinner; Mike Weber and Patenaude singled off of reliever Paul “Bread” Cubeta). Cal (0-3) was touched for single runs in the sixth and seventh but was able to hold the Fish from getting a ten-run lead, keeping the Game Two loss at Marlborough as the last time the team was a victim of the mercy rule. “I told the guys it was going to be Roman Candle City out there early,” quipped Calabrese inside the visitors’ locker room, referencing the trajectory of the towering shots hit by the Marlins. “I wasn’t at my best and we faced a power pitcher who was on his game. I feel great and I’m encouraged that I was able to throw a lot of pitches (one hundred ten, slightly more than management’s expected one hundred pitch count) and that Lynchie and I were able to get back on the same page relatively quickly. I just want to contribute and I know the team is going to need me down the stretch and in the post-season. There is a bunch of baseball to be played and I’m really excited to do my part to bring a second Championship to Cannon Nation. Cutter Nation is back, baby!” Weber added: “We looked at this as a rehab start for Cal. He showed some signs of his old self, especially after the early going, and he understands how important he will be if we are going to rediscover our winning ways in the playoffs. With Patenaude, Calabrese and [Tom] Luby we have three pitchers that can do different things out there. That change of pace could be just the thing to make us a tough out in the tournament.”

Tides: local mismatches at the Earth’s surface create a horizontal force directed towards the surface points closest to and farthest from the Moon and Sun (otherwise known as lunar and solar tide-generating forces) and these forces create the high and low tides experienced around the planet each day. Whenever the Sun, Earth and Moon are perfectly aligned, the gravitational pull is at its greatest causing maximum tides. Local mismatches and perfect alignments. These are things that the Connecticut Cannons look to experience and exploit as the regular-season comes to a close and the post-season gets underway. On Sunday the Marlborough A’s (8-8; tied for 4th place) travel to New Cannon Yards for the final home games of the year. With hitting, fielding and pitching unparalleled anywhere in the league the Cannons could once again prove to be a major force in determining where the CNMSBL Championship ends up in August. Playoff proficiency for the Cannons is as expected as the forces dictating the tides. May the “force” be with you, Cannon Nation! Single seat tickets are available by phone at 1 800-CANNONS or on-line at ctcannons.blogspot.com.

Cannons News and Notes: Maule and McDowell moved into a tie for the team lead in at-bats (42) surpassing the vacationing Luby (41); McDowell’s three RBI give him ten in his first full season as a Cannon (he also knocked in the team’s fiftieth run of ‘07), trailing only Maule’s eleven; with his two hits Cal raised his average sixty-seven points; Celio was the only Cannon to have hits against both Marlin starters…with seventy runs scored he is the Cannons lifetime leader in that category…Celio also moved within one walk of the team’s all-time lead (Andy Borst: 39)…in a message delivered by Mancini, Borst “sent his love to the team” saying he hopes to return in the future…management remained mum on this topic; Patenaude has twenty-six strike outs in fifty-two innings of work…he lowered his ERA from 3.58 to 3.50; Craig “the Warrior” Perrier was present for his first win in a Cannons uniform, allowing him to wash said garments; Marlins’ first baseman Furey was not plunked by a Cannons pitcher for the first time in a match-up with Connecticut (Calabrese and Luby have hit the local radio personality on multiple occasions); Cal “got his guinea up” and called Glastonbury left fielder Chris Barry “Shaggy” of Scooby-Doo fame during his final at-bat…Zoinks!; this weekend marked Mancini’s first wedding anniversary…Mancer, when discovering he was scheduled to play right field in both ends of the double dip, was quoted before the game stating: 1) “The field looks flat;” and 2) “If you don’t think you’re worthy, no one else will;” in the Mancini-Skinner match-up, Las Vegas bookmakers made Mancer a forty-to-one underdog to make contact against the former minor leaguer…“Blue Fire” grounded out…to the catcher!; Perrier described Mancini’s hairdo as “Dennis the Menace-esque”…he then questioned the rule that credits the batter with a run scored rather than the pinch runner…he thinks each player should receive .5 runs scored on the stat sheet; Skinner recorded five outs (four via strike outs) in the fifth inning against Cannons batters…he argued with the umpire and when he was given a warning shouted, “Keep your ears out of the dugout”…Mr. Wizard says, “Sound travels;” the Marlins’ righty may possibly be a homophobe after he refused to shake Perrier’s hand post-game…Cal had earlier attacked the “French Tickler” for possibly leading an alternate lifestyle; potential pitching prospect Jack Vanasse plans to appear at New Cannon Yards on Sunday in a team meet-and-greet; Calabrese, Celio, McGann and Perrier were seen on Park Road at Lena’s following the games…Cal, after consuming double-digit drinks, went on to umpire a West Hartford Youth Baseball game while the others ended up at Plan B; after extensive debate it was unclear whether Calabrese’s Green Man tattoo says “Cal” or “Eat”…Celio said of the pitcher’s ink and California visor: “After a bender Cal just looks at his tat and hat to remember his name;” Perrier played Cupid, setting McGann up with friend and Cannons fan Sarah “Admiral” Ackbar; after much debate—and the presentation of a dropped “grenade beer can”—Calabrese and Perrier both agreed to bring cannoli, arguably a fertility symbol, to Italian-Fest ‘07 in a head-to-head competition called Cannoli Boli I.

OUT OF “ORDER”
Cannons Fight But Fall To First-Place Phoenix

Newington, CT (AP)—One of the most highly anticipated movies of the summer, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, opened on Wednesday and has conjured a whopping total domestic gross of $140 million dollars in the five days following its release. The film follows fifth-year student Harry and his Hogwarts mates who, when faced with the unreliability of the very government of the magical world and the impotence of the authorities at school, arm themselves against the nefarious Lord Voldemort and his dreaded disciples, the Death Eaters. To prepare for the coming conflict, the students form a secret society known as Dumbledore’s Army—an homage to their honored Headmaster, Professor Albus Dumbledore—or simply the D.A. in which they attempt to learn new spells and hexes to counter the power of Voldemort and his acolytes. The D.A. mirrors in miniature the Order of the Phoenix, an organization founded by Dumbledore and his supporters as the major resistance to Voldemort’s rise to power and resultant return. The winds of war begin to blow and battle lines are drawn in this classic confrontation of good versus evil when it is discovered that a prophecy made before Harry’s birth has set the stage for a final fated showdown between Potter and Voldemort: “The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches…and the Dark Lord will mark him as an equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not…and either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives…the one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will be born as the seventh month dies.” As the seventh month reached its mid-way point this past Sunday, the Connecticut Cannons attempted to extend their winning streak against the first-place Bristol Phoenix Continentals (12-2) and although beating the Phoenix proved to be too tall of an order—the 2006 CNMSBL A Division Champions escaped from New Cannon Yards with a pair victories much like Voldemort dematerializing from the Ministry of Magic—Connecticut brilliantly battled Bristol for fourteen innings before eventually losing 3-1 and 5-4. The Cannons may be 0-5 all-time versus the Continentals but they have lost three of those contests by a single run. In doing so, Connecticut has shown that they are a team that has moved from vexed vassal to one on the verge of vengefully vanquishing these vainglorious, villainous and ultimately vincible varmints: essentially, in defeat they have been marked as Bristol’s equal, a team with the obvious ability to defeat the defending champs. “Two hard fought games. They just made fewer mistakes than us and came up bigger in the clutch,” Mike Weber succinctly stated to scores of reporters outside the team’s locker room. “Another solid performance that saw us come up just short. These are all building blocks for where we want to be in another month or so.” Bristol cannot survive at the end of August if Connecticut hopes to accomplish its goal of winning the 2007 title and with the post-season quickly approaching the Cannons look to find the mystical powers that made them the pre-season picks to win the D.A.—Division A—of the CNMSBL. Accio Championship!

After a three-week layoff following his first victory of the 2007 season Mike Patenaude, the ageless Albus Dumbledore of the A Division, was back on the bump where he was once again a wonder for the Cannons. The left-hander labored through the first few innings and was even overheard discussing his “effective wildness” with centerfielder Jason Maule but the fifty-one year old phenom was able to battle out of early jams courtesy of a pair of strike outs and a double play. Connecticut grabbed a one-run lead in the home half of the second as Chris “T-Rex” Barsa singled with two down and Weber followed with a deep RBI double, his first—spoiler alert: though not his last—as a member of the A Division. Bristol broke through against Patenaude in the third as a result of some small ball as Gepetto Rosano reached on an error, advanced to second on a single, moved to third on a sacrifice bunt and subsequently scored on a ground out to tie the score at 1. The Cannons had a chance to take the lead in the third when Matt Celio led off with a double but he was stranded at third base to end the inning, the final time a Cannons batter would be in scoring position against undefeated starting pitcher Guglielmo Arconii (7-0). Patenaude (7 IP, 3 R, 2 ER, 10 H, 2 K, 1 BB) was hit hard in the fourth, eventually being touched for two runs on two doubles and two singles by the heart of the Continentals order, but was able to escape further damage when he induced another double play and a ground out to Mike Calabrese who flashed a golden glove at second. “Cal certainly has the makings to make us better. We need his leather,” said Celio in his post-game press conference. Barsa singled in the fifth, Craig Perrier had a base hit in the sixth and Tom Luby worked a one-bagger in the seventh—he was injured on the play with what Cannons team physicians described as a “moderate strain of the upper sartorial muscle”—but the bats fizzled and Patenaude found himself on the wrong end of another hard-luck loss, his fourth in five starts. Patenaude (1-4) pontificated on his eighty-five pitch performance: “I didn’t have my best stuff out there in the opener but the defense played pretty well behind me, Mark [“Keyser Soze” Lynch] called a great game and we hung in there against a solid Bristol ball club. Our guys put bats on balls but we just couldn’t come up with that big hit to get our offense going. Though I’m disappointed with the loss, we’ll be in good shape over the next month if we keep playing like we did today.”

With bang that bespoke a loose left arm, “Iron Man” Patenaude yet again positioned himself on his familiar perch and pitched another excellent game for the Cannons. Bristol was able to take a first-inning lead on a single, an error and a two-out two-run base hit by Oliver Platt but Connecticut chopped the lead in half in the bottom of the first on a two-out walk and stolen base by Drew McDowell and an RBI single from Luby who, though slowed by the severe pain of his injury, continued to show signs of why he will once again be a force to be reckoned with when he and the rest of the team plays on the league’s biggest stage in August. Earlier in the day Luby even tipped a knowing wink to reporters and stated, “Win or lose, we’re on the booze,” as he ritualistically sipped his pre-game Budweiser. The Cannons jumped on top in the home half of the third on a lead-off single by Mike McGann who later scored on a clutch two-out double by the “Almighty” Luby. Barsa would reach on a fielder’s choice grounder as Luby’s courtesy runner McDowell scampered back safely to second before Bristol’s third baseman Platt could apply an inning-ending tag. Weber made sure the foible was felt by the Phoenix with his second double of the day deep down the left field line scoring McDowell to give the Cannons a 3-2 advantage. Patenaude again fought out of fixes in the fourth and fifth innings as a result of a duo of double plays and Connecticut added to the lead in the fifth as McDowell singled, moved to second on a passed ball, advanced to third on Luby’s third hit of the game—the team’s one hundredth of the season—and scored on Lynch’s sacrifice fly to provide a two-run cushion with two innings to play. Patenaude (7 IP, 5 R, 4 ER, 12 H, 2 K, 2 BB) allowed a lead-off single in the sixth but a ground ball to the slick-fielding Calabrese at short forced a fielder’s choice at second for the first out of the inning. A double to right by Dane Cook put runners at second and third with one down and hard-hitting Lord Farquarson coming to bat. With first base open Patenaude opted to pitch to Bristol’s designated hitter whom he had dazzled for much of the day with a steady diet of sliders and change-ups. However, Farquarson deposited Patenaude’s first pitch deep in the right center gap for a double and the game was knotted at 4. The Phoenix filled the bases but a line drive snag and tag of the bag by Luby at third resulted in the fifth double play of the day for the Cannons and the team had a chance to take back the lead in the home half of the sixth but Perrier, Calabrese and Celio went in order to send the game into its final frame. Patenaude (1-5) struck out the first batter he faced and got a ground out to Weber at second but as he approached the two hundred-pitch barrier he gave up back-to-back singles to Bristol’s three and four batters, Eric Roberts—who stole second—and Doug “Freddie Mercury” Riemer to give the Continentals a 5-4 lead that would prove to be the margin of victory (McGann reached on an error in the bottom of the seventh after nearly being struck by back-to-back pitches—Calabrese called McGann “Rudi Stein,” the light-hitting player who Coach Morris Buttermaker told to lean into a pitch in The Bad News Bears—but McDowell’s slicing line drive to left was snow-coned by Riemer for the final out of the game, a microcosm of Connecticut’s season to this point). As results from around the league flashed on the New Cannon Yards scoreboard it was discovered that Newington’s other team, the Capitals, had split their double header with the Winsted Rifles to move into a last-place log-jam with the Cannons (3-11). “Patenaude should be named one of the Seven Natural Wonders of the World,” marveled Manager Celio of the two hundred two-pitch performance. “How a pitcher can chuck back-to-back games of a double header at this point of the season is beyond me. He is throwing at a very high level right now and we are going to ride his left arm as long as we can. It’s not enough to earn the respect of the other teams around the league though. We have to earn MP and the team some wins before all is said and done. We’re seeing the birth of a league legend here but we can’t be satisfied with sitting back and just watching him throw himself into the history books. It’s time to take a stand and come up big.”

Abracadabra! August is all but upon us and with it the CNMSBL playoffs. The appropriate ingredients for post-season success are in abundant supply in the Cannons’ clubhouse: offense, defense and pitching are all powerful and prominent ingredients if a title is to be taken in 2007. To find the winning formula just mix liberal yet equal amounts of each and you have created the potent potion for Saturday and Sunday success, commingling and coalescing into a Cannons Championship concoction. Cannon Nation and the rest of the wizarding world wonders: Are Connecticut’s players mere Muggles or will they discover the magic that will allow them to take the ’07 CNMSBL A Division title? The answer lies ahead at Glastonbury’s Fish Bowl this Sunday as the Cannons look to cast their spell against the Marlins (Loge Box, Outfield Grandstand and Standing Room Only seats are available at 1 800 CANNONS or on-line at ctcannons.blogspot.net). Expecto Patronum, A Division!

Cannons News and Notes: With fifteen hits on Sunday the Cannons’ team average jumped from .267 to .288; free agent acquisitions McDowell and Perrier are both batting .278 through fourteen games; McDowell’s hit was his tenth of the season…he joined Maule (16) and Luby (15) as Cannons players with double-digit hits in 2007; Weber’s two doubles moved him into a third-place tie with Leo Dionicio, Luby and Perrier for the season (Maule has seven; Celio has four)…his first two-base hit was the team’s twentieth of the campaign; Web—or Wes—leads the team with 310 lifetime at-bats; McGann became the only player other than Maule to lead off a game for the Cannons in '07; Patenaude’s fourth-inning hit in Game Two was the 1111 in Cannons history; Patenaude has fanned twenty-one of the forty opponents Cannons pitchers have retired via the strike out…he lowered his team-leading ERA from 3.84 to 3.53; the five double plays turned by Connecticut were the team’s most ever for a single Sunday; the Cannons have never won an A Division game immediately following a league-mandated holiday weekend; Dionicio missed Sunday’s games with back spasms; Lynch confirmed reports that Cal’s favorite show is indeed Spongebob Squarepants; Celio, Lynch, Kevin McGann, Mike McGann and Weber attended the appropriately-named Sun-day, July 8 New Britain Rock Cats game (a 4-3 come-from-behind victory for the Cats on a sultry 98° afternoon); Cannons management has started to explore new uniform designs for the 2008 season (grey figures to be prominently featured with green, maroon, navy and blue as potential complimentary colors...Get Your GREEN On?); Three Sheets on MOJO has been named the “Official Television Program of Cannon Nation” and has signed on as a corporate sponsor; the 2007 Cannons Awards ballots will be issued on Monday, August 6.

WE’RE GOING STREAKING!
Mancer Mojo, Pitching Propel Cannons Over Caps, Out of CNMSBL Cellar

Newington, CT (AP)—Streak \′strêk\ n: a brief run; also an unbroken series. On Sunday at Newington’s Sacco Stadium at Alumni Field the Connecticut Cannons ended a seven-game slide and started a winning streak with their first victories since May 6. In doing so the Cannons earned a regular season series sweep against the cross-town rival Capitals in what catcher Mark Lynch, who deemed himself refocused and rededicated during the week, dubbed “The Battle to Be Best of the Worst” moving the Big Guns into seventh place in the A Division, mere percentage points behind the struggling Glastonbury Marlins (3-7; Connecticut holds the all-important tie-breaker with Newington should the teams end the season in a deadlock and earlier split a pair with Glastonbury). In the movie Major League, Indians Manager Lou Brown stated: “We won yesterday. If we win today, that's two-in-a-row and that's called a winning streak; it has happened before.” Like The Tribe and Old School’s Frank “The Tank” Ricard, these Cannons are streaking and the team enters the Independence Day break as the hottest club in the CNMSBL with a half dozen games to go. The remaining six-pack will play an important part in determining playoff positioning as the Cannons look to improve upon last season’s third-place finish. “It feels good to go out there and get a sweep especially against ‘good guy’ Dave Sacco,” Manager Matt Celio said as he spoke with reporters in his post-game press conference, vaguely veiling his venom for Newington’s skipper and his off-season antics, affronts and all-out attempts to keep the Cannons from making the move to town. “These wins were undoubtedly a few weeks in the making. We’ve improved our offensive output—the team’s batting average and on-base percentage have climbed approximately eighty points since the early portion of the season leading to an increase of more than two runs scored per game—and we’re starting to get the top-to-bottom production from our line-up that we expected. Today we put all of the pieces together and showed that we’re a tough team to beat when we play Cannons Baseball. These few weeks off should allow us to get some of our bumps and bruises taken care of and we will come back rested and ready for the stretch run. It’s going to be a lot of fun.” Here the Cannons come, boogie-dy, boogie-dy. Oh yes, they call this the streak!

Connecticut was confident coming into Sunday’s contests with Celio guaranteeing double header domination to members of Cannon Nation—a partisan Cannons crowd was on hand for the first-ever meeting between Newington’s two teams—and Leo Dionicio pledging an end to the losing streak behind pitcher Mike Patenaude. Jason Maule dug in against Newington starter Mike Karp in the top of the first and immediately drilled a double to deep centerfield. Dionicio, batting second, expressed his affinity for this spot in the line-up before the game: “I love the number two hole and I plan to go deep in it. I feel right at home behind Maule and I fully expect to make some noise from the two-hole today. There's a lot of little boy in me right now.” Wow! He didn’t disappoint with a run-scoring double that gave the Cannons an early 1-0 lead. In the dugout, Celio promised that Patenaude would make the spread stick and this prediction proved prophetic. Luby followed with a single that scored “The Gringo from Santo Domingo” and Chris “T-Rex” Barsa drove Luby in with a base hit of his own to stake Patenaude to a 3-0 advantage against a team Maule called “as flat as a pancake,” matching Connecticut’s largest first inning production of 2007 to this point. Patenaude, following a two hundred eleven-pitch performance last weekend that resulted in disappointing double dip losses, appeared to be at his most effective on Sunday striking out lead-off hitter Robert Hayes—the lefthander fanned at least one Capital in each inning he worked—while allowing just two base runners to reach safely over the first three frames. In the fourth and sixth innings Chris “Suck My” Corkum reached third base, on a lead-off error—the Cannons only miscue of the contest—and a one-out double respectively, but Patenaude (7 IP, 0 R, 5 H, 8 K, 0 BB) was able to work out of trouble each time. Although Karp baffled the Cannons batters for much of the afternoon—after the four-hit first he went almost exclusively to a wide array of off-speed pitches, scattering five hits over the final six frames—he was bested by Patenaude (1-3) who earned his first victory of the 2007 campaign and Connecticut’s first shutout in its two-year A Division existence. “MP was remarkable out there today,” Celio stated. “There was a lot of pop on his fastball and I know the team was excited to see him go with the heater on several two-strike counts (his eight strike outs nearly matched the total of nine he had produced over his previous twenty-four innings of pitching). He’s a smart pitcher and it was obvious he knew he could overpower the opposing hitters. The effort he has given us over the past two weekends is exactly what one would expect from the staff ace trying to stop a skid. Gritty and gutsy, it was one of his best performances in a Cannons uniform, period.”

In the nightcap, Luby matched up against Newington right hander Mel “Men In Tights” Brooks to see which ball club would be in the basement of the CNMSBL when play resumes in July. After finishing his pre-game Budweiser—a ritual the Anheuser-Busch brewing behemoth hopes to market to the Cannons many fans, especially the “Cannons Kids”—Luby implored the team to play solid defense and score him some runs and it seemed as if the Cannons took these comments to heart. Maule doubled off the 380’ sign in right to start the game, missing a home run by just a few feet, and moved to third on a Dionicio single to left prompting this post-game response from “Dominican Dreamboat” Leo: “When Maule and I stroke balls it feels great. It really gets the team excited, gets everybody up and takes us to that explosion point.” Holy cow! Luby helped his own cause by scoring Maule with a single and an error on a Mark Lynch ground ball by third baseman Liz Hurley scored Dionicio. Barsa had his second RBI of the day as he drove in Luby and Mike Weber got his first RBI of the season on a fielder’s choice that plated Lynch. Mike McGann and Celio were hit by pitches to reload the bases and John “Blue Fire” Mancini came up with a clutch, crazy and careening two-out double—his first A Division hit—down the right field line to score Weber and McGann. Maule stepped to the plate and drilled his second double of the inning, his seventh of the season and fifth in nine at bats, driving in Celio and Mancini to give Luby a healthy 8-0 advantage while at the same time establishing a new total for first inning production in ’07. Luby was touched for a run in the first on a single by catcher Noose Roppo that scored Hayes who had reached on a lead-off hit. Two runs crossed in both the fourth and fifth innings against the Cannons right hander to cut the lead to three and in the home half of the sixth James L. Brooks hit a towering three-run homer to left field, after Luby (7 IP, 8 R, 8 ER, 16 H, 1 K, 2 BB) shook off Lynch, that evened the score at eight (“Shades of Schilling,” Luby postulated post-game, referring to the Red Sox righty’s recent near no-hitter in which he shook of catcher Jason Varitek with two outs in the ninth and subsequently allowed a single). The Cannons offense, quiet since the first when fastballs once again became passé except for a McDowell walk and a Weber infield hit, came up big when it was most needed. Maule ripped a one-out seventh inning single and stole second. After McDowell was hit in the leg by a ball-on-bone pitch Luby lined a bookend single to left that scored the fleet-footed centerfielder to give the Cannons a 9-8 lead. Luby walked Sacco to start the home half for the Capitals and Brooks entered as a pinch runner. On a three and one count Luby floated a fastball to Paul Mooney who hit the ball sharply to short. Dionicio—who once again asked “Luby who?” after the game calling himself “the best shortstop on the Cannons”—flipped to a waiting “Remember the Alomar” Weber at second and he delivered a perfect toss to Barsa at first for the tailor-made 6-4-3 double play. Following a two-out walk to Jason Marquis, Luby threw some of his best pitches of the day—“a nasty knuckler and a curve that dropped off the table,” according to Lynch—and got Karp swinging to close out the victory. “Leo, Mike and Chris turned the play of the year for us,” said a smiling Luby as he emerged from the visitor’s clubhouse. “The guys played great defense out there all day and we did just enough with our bats to beat the Caps today. We’re starting to see signs of what we expected this team to be in 2007. The guys who are showing up are playing with passion and poise. It’s been fun to be on the field with the fellas. If we get this kind of effort out there each and every time we take the field then the sky’s the limit for this team. We haven’t played our best baseball yet and I think that is a scary proposition for the other teams in the league. I’m really excited for July and August.”

3-9 is a far cry from where the Connecticut Cannons expected to be heading into the slower-paced sultry days of summer. Yet with two wins on Sunday the aspirations and expectations that have persistently pursued this team have finally started to pay dividends. Celio expressed his controlled exuberance thusly: “Though I’m pleased that we are ‘streaking’ the only ‘old school’ we care about is the education we doled out to the rest of the league circa 2005 when we won our first championship. I think it’s time for our second.” Many questions were answered on Sunday as the offense put up some runs, the defense made plays and the pitching put the team in a position to win. Will the Cannons continue their winning ways when they return to action on Sunday, July 15? That remains to be seen. The rematch against first-place Bristol is sold out but the games will be televised nationally as the FOX MLB Baseball games of the week—WTIC Channel 61 in the Hartford/New Haven markets—and can be followed on the internet at ctcannons.blogspot.com. Hopefully for Cannon Nation this team can stay hot and follow Jake Taylor’s advice: win the whole f****** thing! Honey, you think KFC is still open?

Cannons News and Notes: Maule is tied for second in the CNMSBL in hits with Hartford’s Basilio Ortiz (16)…Maule’s college roommate and Nationals shortstop Mike Lombardo is first (19)…all three share the top spot in the statistical standings with seven doubles apiece; Maule’s three doubles on Sunday give him thirteen for his career moving him into sole possession of fifth place on the Cannons all-time list ahead of Andy Borst (Celio, Luby, Ed Poland, Weber)…he also edged out Poland as the team’s leader in lifetime average, .427 to .426; McDowell went hitless for the first Sunday this season…his eight free passes (six walks, two hit by pitches) lead the team; McGann donned his Washington Nationals “Get Your Red On” t-shirt, claiming the Cannons have never lost a game when he wears the undergarment…the streak stands; Patenaude leads the team in seven of thirteen statistical pitching categories (Games Pitched, Games Started, Innings Pitched, Strike Outs, Batting Average Against, Earned Run Average and Wins)…Luby leads the team in six (Hits Against, Runs Against, Earned Runs, Walks Against, Wins and Fewest Losses); Patenaude and Luby joined Brian Pinney as the Cannons pitchers with wins in ’07…no Cannons’ pitcher has a save this season; Luby (four hits, 104 total) moved past Weber (two hits, 103 total) into second place on Connecticut’s career hit list; the Cannons leapt out of last place in the CNMSBL for the first time since May 7, 2006 when they were 1-1; Luby wore an alternate navy blue belt during the double header…he plans to keep karma in his corner in upcoming contests; Dionicio’s son, Bryan, had several health scares this week (he was unexpectedly hit in the head with an errant McDowell throw as he sat in the dugout and a case of hives resulted in a trip to the emergency room); Web’s new nickname is Wes; Mike Calabrese averaged 28.5 points per game in leading his basketball team to the semifinals…McGann quipped with members of the media that this average mirrors Cal’s ’07 ERA; team doctors issued a press release stating that Poland is scheduled to have an MRI before the 4th of July holiday; votes are arriving at Cannons World Headquarters for the “Build a Perfect Cannon” promotion where fans were asked to pick body parts that would make “the ultimate Connecticut Cannon”…Maule’s torso (chest and abdominal muscles), Dionicio’s biceps, McDowell’s forearms, Celio’s calves and Mancer’s man-meat have been run-away favorites (Mancini’s “Orc Feet” have received 0% of votes at press time); Maule has tentatively agreed to terms for a Physical Education teaching position in Meriden.

OUR LONG “NATIONAL” NIGHTMARE CONTINUES
Nats Take Two from Guns; Patenaude Pitches a Pair but Skid Stretches to Seven

Newington, CT (AP)—“This is an hour of history that troubles our minds and hurts our hearts.” On August 9, 1974 Gerald Ford spoke these words to an anxious nation after being sworn in as President of the United States as the wounds of the Watergate scandal and Richard Nixon’s resulting resignation cut America to its very core. These words ring true today as an equally anxious Cannon Nation awaits the team’s next win and an end to the seven-game slide that has sent the Connecticut Cannons spiraling into the CNMSBL A Division cellar at the mid-way point of the 2007 campaign. “We’re in the same spot we were in a year ago,” said a surprisingly upbeat Manager Matt Celio after two tough losses, including the club’s second one-run setback in as many weekends, “and I was pretty pleased with how things ended up in ‘06. The expectations are a little different now that we have shown our ability to compete at this level—we won’t sneak up on anybody come August—and I know the team and our rabid fan base won’t be satisfied until we take that next step, bringing a title to town. That being said, slow starts are as much a part of summer for the Cannons as Italian-Fests, Porno Pool Parties and phenomenal post-season finishes. It’s always darkest before dawn. We’re not at DEFCON 1 just yet so don’t sell all of that team merchandise on eBay everybody. We’ve got some work ahead of us but we’ve got the makings for some magical moments as well. I guarantee you’ll be glad you stuck with a winner by the time Labor Day rolls around.” God helping, the Cannons will not let you down.

Game One saw the return of Cannons’ pitcher Mike Patenaude to his familiar perch atop the mound for the first time in nearly a month (May 20 mop-up work against Marlborough). The left-hander, looking a bit rusty from the lay-off, allowed a run in the first on an uncharacteristic pair of walks (just his fifth and sixth of the season), a single and a passed ball but the Cannons offense, more crock pot than convection oven to this point of the season, immediately warmed to the challenge tying things in the home half of the first on a Leo Dionicio single and stolen base followed by a two-out RBI base hit from Rookie of the Year candidate Drew McDowell. Sloppy play put Patenaude (7 IP, 10 R, 7 ER, 13 H, 3 K, 4 BB) in a tough position in the third as he induced a lead-off out but was then touched for seven runs, four of the two-out variety, on seven hits following a pair of potential double play balls—a tough hop grounder to second baseman Mike Weber and a catch and throw by centerfielder Jason Maule that got away from screened first baseman Chris Barsa—that would have at best prevented or at worst minimized the damage. Connecticut was able to capitalize on production from the bottom half of the line-up as Celio led off the third with a single followed by a Craig Perrier double that put runners in scoring position with no outs. Maule pushed Celio across with a ground out to the right side and Dionicio doubled Perrier home to make things 8-3 but the Cannons bats would cool considerably with just three more hits over the final four innings (singles by McDowell and Lynch and a double from Celio) and the team would not close the gap further against ace Todd Lynch (1.38 ERA through four games). Patenaude (0-2) allowed additional runs in the fourth and fifth to complete the scoring as the Nationals took the opener by a final score of 10-3. “That was the best seven-run loss I’ve seen in quite some time,” boasted Assistant Manager Weber between games. “Some guys are starting to heat up and it was just one faulty frame that did us in. We’re going to put up some big numbers in the next game. We’re starting to have some fun and we’re playing Cannons Baseball.”

Game Two found Patenaude on the hill again having thrown just one hundred seventeen pitches over the course of the first game. In the past the rubber-armed ace’s performances earned him acclaim as the Tom Glavine of the A Division but he now found comparisons being drawn between himself and Roy “Rubber Man” Munson of Kingpin fame. Unfortunately MP and the rest of the Cannons got “Munsoned” before all was said and done. Patenaude promised to “go as far as [he] could” with Tom Luby providing right-handed relief out of the bullpen. The staff stalwart allowed a pair of runs in the first on two hits and an error by second baseman Dionicio. When asked how the seemingly simple grounder had gotten through him teammates kidded the Dominican Dreamboat that he should have “put his third leg down” to which Dionicio replied, “No way. It’s Father’s Day so I actually get to use [El Dickie] today.” The Cannons, playing things light and loose with a ten-man roster, came back in the home half of the first to take a 3-2 lead on a double by Maule, a walk by Dionicio, a two-run double by McDowell and an RBI knock by Mike McGann but were unable to take full advantage of the opportunity at hand as “The Twins”—Dionicio’s affectionate nickname for the corpulent Cannons managers—both struck out to end the threat (Weber had his own take on the “twin” concept calling the two “Yin and Yang. I watched a perfect strike three come right down the pipe and Cel took a cut at an obvious ball four,” a knuckler from Hartford starter Basilio Ortiz). Patenaude put down the Nats in order in the second and the Cannons offense was off and running again. Perrier led off the inning with a walk, Maule singled and McDowell took ball four to load the bases. Luby followed with a two-run single—the one hundredth hit of his illustrious career—and McDowell later scored on an error to give the Cannons an early 6-2 lead. Patenaude, pitching his tenth frame, surrendered three runs in the third but the bottom third of Connecticut’s line-up provided some more much needed pop as Weber and McGann singled to lead things off and Celio hit a thunderous shot to deep left field that some in attendance say traveled an estimated four hundred feet—with his speed the Manager managed to just leg out a double. Weber scored easily but a perfect relay and a bang-bang play at the plate meant McGann was out and Celio was subsequently stranded at third with the Cannons up 7-5 (as the Nationals took the field, Manager Tony Santiago stopped by the bench and said to Celio that he was sure that blast has come off the bat of monster masher Maule…until, that was, he saw the tortoise-like trot of the base runner). Clinging to a tenuous two-run cushion, Connecticut squandered the lead as a pair of errors opened the floodgates and six runs crossed the plate to provide Hartford with an 11-7 lead against an otherwise tireless Patenaude (7 IP, 11 R, 6 ER, 9 H, 3 K, 3 BB). In the home half of the fifth the Cannons cut the deficit to one as Weber walked, Celio singled and Perrier and Maule roped back-to-back run-scoring doubles (Perrier’s two-bagger gave him the first run batted in of his young Cannons career). A poised and precise Patenaude (0-3) allowed just two base runners to reach in the last three innings—perhaps the strongest consecutive innings he threw on this day—but the Cannons offense faltered over the final two frames resulting in a particularly painful 11-10 loss to the Nationals (7-3).

The losing streak stands at seven and though it pales in comparison to the twelve-game slide during the ’06 campaign one begins to wonder what toll it might take on a team that entered this season with such elevated expectations. To paraphrase President Ford’s remarks as he took the oath of office back in ’74, the Connecticut Cannons have not sought the enormous responsibility at hand, but they will not shirk it. They cannot stand still or slip backwards. They must go forward now together. One thing became obvious to even the most casual observer of the Cannons this weekend: they are not ready to sell this season short by a long shot. Newington’s battle for bragging rights looms largely as the Cannons travel across town to take on the Capitals this Sunday at Sacco Stadium at Alumni Field (Newington High School). A series sweep against the hugely hated Caps could prove to be just the draught the team needs to wake up from the nightmare, making the dreams of all in Cannon Nation come true. Grandstand tickets are available via phone at 800-CANNONS or via the internet at ctcannons.blogspot.com.

Cannons News and Notes: Sunday’s “See Red” campaign—both teams and the umpiring crew wore red jerseys for the opener—raised Father’s Day awareness for Mother’s Against Drunk Driving…Cannons management refrained from serving post-game pilsners in the parking lot to show support of this cause…the Buds will be back on ice for the games at Newington this weekend; Patenaude became the first Connecticut pitcher to throw both ends of a double header since “Father of Cannons Baseball” Andy Borst accomplished the feat during the inaugural 2001 campaign; Luby became the third member of Connecticut’s Century Club joining Celio (113) and Weber (101) as the only Cannons with more than one hundred hits all-time; 9-10-1 hitters Celio, Perrier and Maule had two doubles each on Sunday…this was the first time the vaunted Clark Cougar combination of Celio and Perrier batted back-to-back since the historic 1993 season when they were crowned Division III Champions; with eighteen hits on Sunday the Cannons team average rose from .241 to .258…when factoring in ten walks the club’s on-base percentage jumped from .332 to .352; Dionicio, obsessed with the size of McDowell’s forearms, felt up the first year player openly expressing his love for “things that are big and thick”…when asked about the energy drink he consumed between games the “Latin Lothario” puzzled reporters by responding that it was “Barbaro Sperm,” claiming the donation was the last earthly act of the heroic horse moments before being euthanized; the Cannons swept the season series from the Nationals in 2006; in a shake-up rivaling the introduction of New Coke in 1986, Weber altered the secret formula that has made Cannonade a clubhouse staple since 2004; the games were played at Mill Pond Park instead of New Cannon Yards due to an in-town soccer scheduling conflict; Kevin Quinn is expected to make his Cannons debut against the Capitals; Ed Poland contacted Cannons World Headquarters on Monday afternoon and informed team officials that he is “back to square one” in the rehabilitation process with his injured left knee…Cannons management remains “guardedly pessimistic” that the hard-throwing right-hander will return to action in July for the stretch run; Mike Calabrese initially informed the team that he would be available for Sunday’s double dip but backed out because of a head injury suffered by his son…when asked about his unexpected absence an anonymous member of management expressed, “It’s just the latest example of Cal being Cal.”