“SCARY GOOD”
Calendar Turns, Cannons Try to Turn Tables on CNMSBL A Division Rivals

West Hartford/Newington, CT (AP)—Trick or treat! Halloween and Dia de los Muertos were celebrated earlier this week marking the end of perhaps the most frighteningly fun time of year. However, the Connecticut Cannons hope to continue fear-fest for their CNMSBL foes as the highly-anticipated free agent signing period gets under way. As a cold November rain falls on Cannon Yards and New England as a whole slowly spirals towards the start of winter it is once again time to fire up the hot stove, Cannon Nation. Star power is, as always, at a premium in Newington and pitchers Scott Hurlbert (“I am so IN!!”), Teddy Prajzner (“I am currently in training to help bring home a championship in ‘08... get the champagne ready!”) and Jack Vanasse (“Definitely, definitely, definitely. I am IN!”), utility player Adam Pallone and catcher John Hepple, the faces of the 2008 free agent market, hope to make their marks as superstars in the ever-expanding constellation that is Cannons Baseball. In a bold barrage of moves just three months removed from losing in the opening round of the 2007 playoffs, the Cannons fired a fusillade of off-season salvos, sending shock waves throughout the state by announcing the signings of Hurlbert, Prajzner and Vanasse to multi-year deals (terms were not disclosed…according to a team representative, Hepple, Pallone and their respective representatives were “involved in continuing conversations with Cannons management” at press time). Each is expected to play an important role in the Cannons march towards CNMSBL supremacy in 2008. A source close to management said the team and its fans are “pumped” by the pennings, deals that “definitely put [Connecticut] in the driver’s seat for the upcoming campaign.” In his weekly meeting with local and national members of the media, Cannons’ Manager Matt Celio stated: “After the 2007 season ended with another team's name on our championship trophy, talk at Cannons Headquarters quite expectedly turned to our off-season regimen and how best to catapult the Cannons into championship contention in the CNMSBL A Division. These moves—especially the bolstering of our pitching rotation—topped our to-do list. Championships are won and lost in the off-season. The time to get better is now and these players clearly make us better for the foreseeable future. Injuries and inconsistencies have played a part in our struggles but the Cannons chemistry hasn’t been all that we’d hoped for since moving to the A Division. Though there have been promising signs over the past two campaigns, simply stated we have not lived up to our potential or expectations since moving up. Coddling, kowtowing and catering to players who are not providing any positives is a thing of the past in Newington…unless you play for the Capitals. Competitiveness, commitment and camaraderie are all important factors in building a successful ball club and hopefully these guys will prove to be the elements we need in our Periodic Table of future regular- and post-season success. We plan to be scary good in 2008 and for several seasons to come.” Assistant Manager Mike Weber added: “These guys are great players and, more importantly, great human beings. They are going to bring certain missing ingredients to our clubhouse that should really re-invigorate the ball club as a whole. I haven’t been this excited about an off-season since signing on with the club myself back in 2001…though this fact speaks volumes about my sex life. These kids are just what the Cannons have been looking for and just what we need to get over the top. I expect great things from them and the team as a whole. 2008 will undoubtedly be a great time to be a citizen of Cannon Nation.” In conjunction with the signings, the Cannons look to become a perennial powerhouse in A Division play by keeping the nucleus of last year’s team intact (thirteen of seventeen 2007 roster invitees are already under contract for the upcoming campaign). According to Las Vegas odds-makers, the addition of Hurlbert, Prajzner and Vanasse makes Connecticut the prohibitive favorite to win the 2008 CNMSBL Championship (2:1), followed by Hartford (5:1) and Eastern Connecticut (7:1). The Cannons have always been a hot-spot for free agent signees and despite the lack of recent success, Celio still thinks Connecticut is the team to beat in 2008: “We’re going to take it one day at a time next season but at the moment we’re not just a good team, we’re a great team. And don’t forget that. There’s a reason why we wear this Cannons uniform…because we’re bad motherf*****s!” Bringing back a core of Connecticut greats while at the same time inking deals with these new players is a treat for the Cannon Nation while the trick is most certainly on the rest of the A Division…and Opening Day is still six months away so others moves may soon follow. Boo-yah, CNMSBL! CANNONS FOREVER!

Cannons News and Notes: Chris Barsa won Cannons Jeopardy! 2007 and with it the lefty an Opening Day '08 start; in other news from the right side of the infield: a surprise turn of events found Craig Perrier agreeing to a four-year incentive-laden contract extension with the Cannons after verbally announcing his retirement in the early morning hours following Jocktoberfest just over a month ago…Perrier also announced he is vying for a spot on a vastly improved Cannons pitching staff including the likes of Mike Patenaude, Ed Poland and Prajzner among others…he hopes that the group will come to be known throughout the league as the “P-Pod”…heavy doses in opposing batters’ diets will definitely be bad for their health (P is also the chemical symbol for Phosphorous…highly flammable…THE HEAT IS ON!); with a handful of expiring contracts the Cannons hope to throw their proverbial hat into the A-Rod sweepstakes…he would play third with Tom Luby still the stalwart incumbent at short; in the modern era the Connecticut Cannons have won the CNMSBL championship in the season immediately following a Boston Red Sox World Series sweep, bad news for the rest of the A Division; the 2008 Step Up to the Plate Charity Baseball Marathon at Riverside Park in Glastonbury is scheduled to start on Friday, May 23 and end on Saturday, May 24…more details to follow; the St. Louis Rams play the Pittsburgh Steelers on Thursday, December 20 (8:00 p.m. kick-off) and the Connecticut Cannons will once again be at the world famous Sliders in Berlin for some fabulous fall-down drunk fun…Ten Penny pitchers and Flammin’ Raspberry wings all around!...there’s no better way to kick off the holidays than with the Cannons; Jason Maule’s bachelor party is scheduled for this Friday evening in Berlin at 7:00 p.m. (management plans to be in attendance…contact Cannons World Headquarters for further information…any and all comers are welcome).