“BEAR TRAP” GAMES
Cubs Come To Play, Cannons To Coast, Results Likely Resign Connecticut To Postseason Play-In

Newington, CT (AP)—“Cubbies Collar Cannons.” “Smoked!” “Brokeback Valley.” “Déjà Ew.” “Misfire.” “Out of Order.” “Lit Up.” “Outgunned In the Outer Reaches.” “Hook, Line, and Stinkers.” These are just some of the headlines, a rogue’s gallery of wretchedness if you will, used to announce sweeps to loyal readers and fans of the Connecticut Cannons since the team joined the CNMSBL A Division to start the 2006 season. Following the magical championship campaign of 2005, the Big Guns decided to set sights on the Big Boys and the ensuing results have been a mixed bag. Improvement is apparent nearly each an every time the team takes the diamond yet, despite this enriching effect, it is still the rare Sunday the Cannons to come to the park as the heavy favorite, for the team has spent most of the time in the so-called second division. However, this was exactly the case at New Cannon Yards in Newington over the weekend when the Eastern Connecticut Cubs (5-13) came calling. Connecticut, expecting excellence with its final four games against the league’s ninth and tenth seeds, looked to leapfrog into at least sixth place, a first weekend playoff pass, and a more enviable postseason match-up with three or more wins. Instead the litany of lost Sundays that has marred many seasons-passed once again reared its ugly head and instead of a standings surge, the Cannons regressed a step and now enter August on a three-game skid, the longest of 2009. “It’s been awhile since we’ve played this poorly,” a melancholy Manager Matt Celio mentioned as he mulled over the momentum-halting mess. “Long day and a couple of the toughest losses we’ve suffered since joining the upper division. We came out flat and I’ve got to take full responsibility for that lack of fire. We struggled at times in all facets of the game—offense, defense, pitching—and we let an inferior opponent dictate the day. The Cubs ran roughshod all over us, our first truly terrible weekend since playing the [Windsor] Mets back in early June, and this is not the time of year one wants to have red flags raised. We’re as talent-laden as any team in the league: we simply need to put all the pieces together and quickly recapture that swagger that makes us such a tough out each and every August. Sunday wasn’t everything we expected it to be but we get another whack at things next week when I count on us playing classic Cannons Baseball.”

Game One saw surprise starter Drew McDowell take the mound for the Cannons against Clement Dobrinski of the Cubs (after single relief appearances in both the ’07 and ’08 seasons, this marked McDowell’s first start in fourteen years, causing “Gentleman” Jim Yanosy to comment, “Well, at least we know he’s well-rested.”). Rest manifested itself as rust expectedly as McDowell surrendered a lead-off single to Rouge Moulin but after a pair of ground ball outs to the left side it appeared as if the righty might escape the inning unscathed. However, an error at short and a single by Augustus Busch scored two, forcing the “Ragin’ Cajun” to throw an additional twelve pitches—a continued troubling trend for a staff short on strike out pitchers—before retiring Leo Durocher on a fielder’s choice. In the home half of the first, Connecticut was able to knot the score at two as Jason Maule singled to once again set the table (this was the ninth time in fourteen games the reigning Co-Cannons Offensive Player of the Year has led off with a hit; Maule has also walked and reached on an error in this spot for an astronomical .786 OBP to start games). McDowell worked a walk and Bill “Hairway to Heaven” Balcerzak belted a double to deep centerfield, plating the pair. McDowell (1+ IP, 5 R, 4 ER, 2 H, 3 BB, 1 HBP) tired noticeably in the second frame, hitting a batter and walking two, before Celio came to get him (“I sucked plus I’m sore, so it’s not a winning combination,” “Drew Diesel” told reporters in his postgame presser). Tom Luby (1 IP, 0 R, 1 H, 1 K) bridged the gap admirably between McDowell and Tom Clark though another infield error was followed by a base hit, this time allowing three runs to cross, for a 5-2 Eastern edge. The Cubs padded their lead in the middle innings, scoring five runs, three of them earned, against Clark pushing the lead to eight but the Cannons refused to go quietly and mounted a merry-go-round of a threat in the bottom of the fifth frame. Rob DePalma entered as a pinch hitter and, with a positive plate approach, earned a lead-off base on balls. Mike “PETA” McGann and Maule followed suit with free passes to load the bases and McDowell was beaned squarely on the left elbow to bring home a run. A Luby single scored two, cutting further into the Cubs advantage and Dionicio hit a ball the opposite way for a single while Clark’s knock scored McDowell as the Cannons clawed back to a four-run deficit. However, hard-throwing right-handed relief pitcher Brian “Vision Quest” Shutt was able to slam the door, retiring Mike Weber and Steve Markie to maintain a comfortable bulge. Clark (5 IP, 6 R, 3 ER, 5 H, 1 K, 2 BB, 1 HBP) kept the Cubs in check in the sixth but was touched for an unearned run in the seventh as an overthrow allowed Busch to scamper home with Eastern’s eleventh run. Balcerzak beat out a close throw for an infield base hit in the last inning, but Jim Cook’s stellar diving stop of a Luby grounder all but destined to reach the outfield resulted in a double play and the Cubbies would quietly record the final out on a pop to second for their sixth win of the season. Assistant Manager Weber was impressed by the effort of the pitching staff but knew this was not a game to write home about: “Our pitchers were all put in tough spots, gave us everything they had, and kept us close, but those freebies from walks, errors, stolen bases, passed balls, and wild pitches will definitely come back to haunt a team. We all understand that we need to play better ball if we want to make a deep run in the postseason. We’ve got the guys to do it but everybody has to provide maximum effort at all times if a championship is in our immediate future, as I fully expect it is.”

Game Two matched Connecticut’s Yanosy against Eastern Connecticut’s Gorman “Illegal Alien” Apone in his first pitching performance in the A Division. The Cubs offense got to work early against Yanosy, making the sixth start and seventh pitching appearance of his rookie campaign, by scoring three runs on a seeing-eye single by Ford “Teeter” Harris, a base on balls by Cook, and a three-run blast to left by Jacob Dunnack to bolster an already boisterous Baby Bear bench. Left fielder McGann had a bead on the ball but told reporters, “I just ran out of real estate,” and Connecticut trailed yet again. The Cannons, playing with confidence at home even when behind, looked to come back immediately as Maule singled and McDowell hit a soft roller to the right that the speedy centerfielder clearly beat out in a bang-bang fielder’s choice at second. But field umpire Steve “Sir D**k” Wonder, apparently caught up in the moment of each and every close play favoring the Cubbies, called Maule out and a possible rally was ruined. Balcerzak followed with an infield base hit as middle infielders Cook and Harris collided violently, but “Louisiana Deceptively Fast” was gunned at third as “Teet” somehow gathered the ball from the wreckage and threw a perfect strike to Busch who applied the tag. Luby reached on an error and Dionicio singled but Connecticut was unable to break through as Weber took a cut at a high 2-1 fastball and fouled out to first on a slider away ending the inning (“My green and gold kryptonites,” said Web as he ducked back into the dugout). Eastern tacked on runs in each of the next three frames against Yanosy (4 IP, 7 R, 5 ER, 7 H, 2 K, 2 BB), and though Connecticut threatened, leaving the bases loaded again in the second and two runners on in the fourth, the team was unable to find an answer for Apone. “Adam Bomb” Pallone (1 IP, 1 R, 1 ER, 0 H, 4 BB) entered in relief with his team down a crooked number but, after getting the first two outs on fly balls to left and right, lost some of his control, walking the bases loaded and issuing a run-scoring free pass to Mathias Noheimer, pushing the score to 8-0 before inducing an unassisted ground out to Luby at third. “El Dominican Dreamboat” made the first mound appearance of his eventful Cannons career (2 IP, 1 R, 1 ER, 1 H, 1 K, 3 BB, 1 HBP), pitching the final two frames and allowing a lone run as Cook’s Cubs executed a seventh inning suicide squeeze with an eight-run advantage (Dionicio then plunked Shutt in the back in retaliation). Though the Cannons were again able to put themselves in scoring situations in the fifth, sixth, and seventh, the team was unable to plate a run and was shutout for just the second time this season (a 2-0 loss to the Suffield Irish on the last day of May). “A major missed opportunity,” said Celio as he discussed the losses. “Now it’s very likely we’ll see the Cubs again come early August. Clearly not our best performance of the season but I expect our guys to remember these games: people talking trash and whooping it up at our expense, opposing players taking pictures during the contest, and an exclamation mark squeeze play that did nothing but add insult to injury. I never want us in a war of words and I’m not going to use umpires as an excuse; that’s just not Connecticut Cannons Baseball in my opinion. I like our play to speak for itself, and speak volumes at that, and we’d all love to add a championship chapter to our storied history. The Cubs played about as well as they could and, when combined with the fact that the Cannons played about as poorly as we could, it’s unsurprising they came in and kicked our butts today. We’re a better ballclub than we showed out there so hopefully we can take some positives, like getting certain pieces of our playoff roster in order and having guys give everything they’ve got for the good of the team, away from this. We truly have talent, all that we need to win the A Division title in 2009 in fact, but we have to play a better brand of baseball, minimize mistakes and maximize opportunities, before our potential can play itself out. If we do this, the Cannons will without question be a tough out to wrap up the regular season and, even more importantly, come tournament time in a couple of weekends.”

By simple definition, trap games are those where a team looks past a mediocre-to-poor opponent with sights set on future successes, in this instance perhaps a pair against the cross-town rival Capitals and a possible bye week come playoff time. In these cases, the team in question may not be as focused or prepared as it should be and that certainly seems to have been the case at New Cannon Yards on Sunday. All involved with the Cannons hope this was a mirage, a minor misstep before the second season starts. August is all but upon us and the eighth month brings optimism and often incredible results for the Connecticut Cannons and the frenzied fan base known as Cannon Nation is counting on that being case again this year. What is the caliber of this team? Does it have the necessary firepower to compete for and ultimately capture the CNMSBL’s Clarke-Clinton Trophy in 2009? Sunday marks the final step in the twenty-game regular season journey but is hopefully just the beginning of an amazing August for the Boys in Blue. It has to start somewhere. It has to start sometime. What better place than here? What better time than now? Is everything plays out according to plan, all hell won’t be able to stop the Cannons now. Championship or bust!

Cannons News and Notes: The Cannons take on the Capitals (1-15, tenth place), in the regular season finale and annual “Battle of Newington” at New Cannon Yards on Sunday, August 2…the final games on this season-ending ten-game homestand are sold out; Connecticut stayed stuck tied for its all-time A Division best seven–win total from last season and looks to master that mark on the season’s final Sunday; the Cannons dropped their third season series (Eastern Connecticut, Hartford, Windsor); the Cannons’ batting averaged rose slightly to .285 through nine Sundays, a sign the team might be getting hot at the right time yet again (the overall opponents’ average dipped from .278 to .276)…Connecticut has 142 total hits while the opposition has 137…the next at-bat will be the team’s 500th of the season…the Cannons have been outscored 107 to 93; Balcerzak, Chris Barsa, Clark, DePalma, Dionicio, Luby, Maule, McDowell, McGann, Patenaude, Kevin Quinn, Josh Svoboda, Weber, and Yanosy have all played in eight or more games for the Cannons this season, achieving postseason eligibility (Celio [2], Markie [1], and Pallone [2] can join their teammates by competing in the games against the Caps…Juan Checo, though eligible for the CNMSBL postseason, has joined a softball league in the Springfield, MA area…’09 roster invitees Andy Borst and Drew Clarke failed to play in a single game and, therefore, are ineligible); McGann and Quinn (9 hits apiece) and Barsa and Clark (8) look to join Balcerzak (25), Maule (23…14 doubles), Dionicio (18), Luby (14), and McDowell (11) as Cannons to reach the ’09 double-digit hit plateau; Maule (.511), Balcerzak (.439), Dionicio (.367), McDowell (.314), and Barsa (.308) are the five Cannon hitters currently with batting averages above .300 on the season (seven Cannons are presently under the Mendoza Line…P Patenaude has not had a plate appearance); McDowell mistakenly stepped to the plate with a weighted bat and a game ball tucked under his chin…“It’s not the first time he’s had balls on his chin,” joked Dionicio (“Señor Cinco” also told any and all interested parties—meaning nobody—repeatedly, “I’m Rick James!”); after “El Heartthrob de Hispaniola” committed his fourth error on the day (a dropped pop fly that Dionicio claims no white player would have even gotten a glove on), son Brian said shame-faced, “My Dad sucks.” (Weber said the team went to the “Mouth From the South” in relief for one reason only: “He’s likely to make fewer errors on the mound.”)…Dionicio’s eldest offspring also added during Celio’s Game Two at-bat: “Is that the coach? He actually gets to play?”; DePalma once again hosted teammates after the games…Celio, Dionicio, Luby, and Weber joined “Hairy” at his New Britain home; Dionicio delighted teammates after the games by telling them, “This is all an act, I Dominican down for the weekends. I am the boss of twenty-plus Blanquitos from Monday through Friday, hardly have an accent, and have often served as a keynote speaker at Travelers training seminars.”…somebody please post video of this on YouTube!; Beantown Bombshell: McGann discovered on a road trip to Boston with teammate Barsa that on at least one occasion “T-Rex” has passed his phone number to his waitress on the bill in numbers big enough for his date to see…also, it was learned that “The Terrorist” is a “drink counter” (i.e., he keeps track of the number of cocktails consumed by his companions for financial and sexual purposes); The Continental: like Christopher Walken’s ever-so-suave ladies man from the popular Saturday Night Live skit, DePalma confided in Celio that he has consummated relationships in the Biblical sense with women linked by blood to five of the Earth’s seven continents (he has not yet nailed an Australian and Antarctica has no permanent population, though he does find penguins fascinating and sexy); Umpire Jason Rentas accounted for an unlikely daily double, working both ends of the double dip behind the dish (Dionicio joked with the all-Latino crew and non-Caucasian Cubs battery, “There are four illegal immigrants here. Billy [Balcerzak is an INS agent], I’ll give these guys up immediately if I can get my green card.”)…Rentas must have believed Quest Tec was in place, as his tiny strike zone consistently confounded Cannons pitchers…as a result, McDowell’s ERA ballooned from 28.00 to 31.50; C & C Movie Factory: Celio and Clark are collaborating on a screenplay loosely based on Clark’s experiences growing up as a ballplayer in the 70’s: “It’s our Good Will Hunting,” promised the pitcher…“As long as I’m Matt Damon,” said Celio; Clark told teammates that there are many known opium dens out in Eastern’s neck of the woods: “I’m not surprised these guys play the games like an AA support group.”; McGann takes the Praxis I exam today at 2:00 p.m. in Glastonbury: “Fifth times a charm,” lamented the “Mayor of Manville”…Celio once again tried to make a love connection for his Cannon compadre McGann but instead was forced to witness the carnage firsthand as the “Smooth Operator’s” shortcomings were on full display: 1) told blonde beauty, the lovely Liz, she has man hands and clown feet; 2) constantly and annoyingly pawed the hair and neck of his blind date on a sultry summer afternoon and evening, telling her in coy double entendre, “You’re so wet.”; 3) spoke of other ladies he’s loved, including a Bollywood dancer named Seema…“Not an American Indian, but no dot either.”; 4) answered “Green” when asked his lucky number; and 5) promised to cook the young lady the dinner of her choice, promising “Anything you want.” When a high protein meat-lovers meal was requested, McGann replied, “Oh, I’m not making that. I’m famous for my meatloaf turkey—not the other way around—and seafood medley.” (Celio and McGann closed out the evening watching Die Hard and “John McLame” went home alone and used his Hans on his Gruber); it’s August this weekend: a reminder The Elbow Room, Plan B, and The Spigot, are now joined by Cocoa Kitchen and Bar as official sponsors of the 2009 Connecticut Cannons playoffs; the team has twenty-four tickets for a luxury box at Dodd Stadium in Norwich for a contest between the Akron Aeros and Connecticut Defenders on Thursday, August 13; Celio will put on a post-game party following the games against the cross-town rival Newington Capitals on Sunday…the Manager is also exploring possible August dates for Italian-Fest ’09; in less than one week (Monday, August 3) players will be in possession of their ballots for the 2009 Cannons Awards (polls will remain open until 11:59 p.m. on Friday, August 7)…Choose or Lose!

7/26 Studs: Balcerzak (4 for 8, 2B, 2 RBI); Clark (2 for 6, RBI; 5 IP, 1 K giving the Cannons a fighting chance in the opener); DePalma (1 for 1, BB, R); Luby (2 H, BB, 2 RBI; 1 IP, 0 R, 1 K); Maule (3 for 5, 2B, 3 BB, 2 R, SB, outfield assist to cut a runner down at the dish); McDowell (2 BB, HBP in Game One)

7/26 Duds: an inconsistent Cannons offense (20 runners left on base, leaving the bases loaded three times in fourteen frames; shout out in Game Two) and defense (9 errors leading to six unearned runs)

THE DARK “HALF”
Yanosy Grinds Out Game One Victory, Scrappers Scrape Way To Split In Nightcap

Newington, CT (AP)—Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, the film version of the sixth installment in J.K. Rowling’s best-selling seminal series about the boy wizard and his battles with the evil dark warlock Voldemort, cast a spell on movie-going Muggles (non-magical people) this weekend, conjuring up an impressive $79.5 million from Friday through Sunday and a five-day total approaching $160 million in box office revenue following its release on July 15. One of the plot lines finds Harry, now in his sixth year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, unexpectedly enrolled in Potions now that his least favorite professor, Severus Snape, has been appointed to the position of Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. Harry borrows a book belonging formerly to the cryptically named and as yet unknown “Half-Blood Prince,” one that is filled with corrections and crib notes which yield better potions results than those actually prescribed. However, certain spells or curses cast contain decidedly dark magic and Harry is forced to hide the book so that its use is not discovered. On Sunday, the sixth-seeded Bristol Scrappers arrived in Newington to play the eighth-seeded Connecticut Cannons as the postseason stretch run plays out and a day that was unquestionably bright, maybe even magical, in the collective eyes of Cannon Nation to start grew increasingly gloomy as it reached its conclusion: a light half and a dark half and yet another split decision at Cannon Yards, the third time in as many weekends that the Boys in Blue took the opener, held a lead in the later innings of the nightcap, and came away empty handed. Absolutely “vile,” potion masters and more squandered sorcery at a time when “Ws” are the only letter truly needed to “spell.”

Game One saw the Cannons turn to Jim “JY Jelly” Yanosy for his fifth start of the season and second against the Metallurgists while Bristol countered with left-handed buggy-whipper Giglielmo “Radio” Arconti. After sweeping an aging Bristol ball club back on May 3, Connecticut hoped to repeat the feat and when star centerfielder Jason Maule arrived at the field he told reporters, “These guys look really old now.” However, pesky lead-off pest Dave “Baloney” Raponey worked a walk against Yanosy, stole second (advancing to third on an Adam Pallone overthrow), and scored small ball style on a ground out to short to give Metallica an early advantage. The Cannons responded in kind in the home half of the first as Maule ripped an opposite field double, his thirteenth of the season, swiped third, and scampered home as the throw from Jules Roberts skipped away at third. The middle of Connecticut’s line-up set the table for more Maule heroics in the second when Leo Dionicio and Chris Barsa belted base hits and Pallone walked. Mike McGann followed with a run-scoring single and the Cannons’ lead-off batter torched a two-run single to put Connecticut on top 4-1. Yanosy allowed walks in the second and third but avoided any additional damage until the fourth when errors were his undoing (the rookie pitcher has been a victim of bad breaks all season long). A lead off walk following a dropped foul pop-up was erased as Tom Luby started a 5-4-3 double play and it looked as if a possible rally had been averted. But Barsa’s blunder on a tailing line drive kept the inning alive and three straight hits from Carmine Giovinazzo, Lord Farquarson, and Glenn “E” Klare knotted the score at four. The Cannons came back in the fifth as Mike Weber, who hit the ball hard in his first at-bat, beat out an infield single and scored on Bill Balcerzak’s two out base hit (Mike “PETA” McGann, who had reached on an error, was thrown out on a play at the plate, claiming he was “deeked” by a straight standing Roberts at home, ending the inning with Connecticut on top 5-4). In this back and forth ball game, Bristol battled to tie the score in the top of the fifth as Charlie Browning doubled and scored on a Vladimir “Death From Above” Bratina two-out single, yet once again the Cannons responded as Luby reached on an error—hustling and hobbling all the way to third on the overthrow—and courtesy runner Drew McDowell scored on Dionicio’s frozen rope over a drawn-in infield. McGann cut down lead-off batter Carrington Blake in the top of the sixth when he foolishly tried to stretch a single into a double and Connecticut added a much-needed insurance run in the bottom of the frame as the right fielder reached on a Klare error, stole second, and scored on Maule’s third hit of the contest. Yanosy (7 IP, 5 R, 3 ER, 6 H, 5 BB), battling a balky arm all day, begged for the ball in the final frame and didn’t disappoint, allowing only a two-out base on balls before getting Jim “Fuel” Ziogas on a fielder’s choice flip from Balcerzak to Dionicio to end the game. “Jimmy’s battled all season long so we’re very excited to see him get a win, both from a personal and team standpoint” said Manager Matt Celio in his post-game press conference. “He gave us everything he had in the tank, kept us in the game, and simply refused to lose. He has really provided a boost on a weekly basis, both as a pitcher and a top-flight outfielder, and is a key component in our season’s success to this point.” The ever-humble Yanosy joked with members of the media, “If it wasn’t for [Rob] DePalma’s Aleve, I never would have made it past the third inning.”

Game Two found Connecticut in the extremely enviable position of having staff ace Mike Patenaude on the hill following a first game win with the Cannons (7-8 entering the contest) looking to once again reach the elusive .500 mark for the first time since early June, something the team has failed to do since returning to action at home after Independence Day. It was déjà vu all over again as Raponey battled for a base on balls and scored the go-ahead run on a Bratina sacrifice fly to center for the early 1-0 edge (McGann, this time from left, threw out Ziogas as he went for two for his second outfield assist of the day, putting out a potential first frame fire). For the ninth time this season and the sixth straight time on the homestand, Maule reached base, this on a skied pop to short that Klare misplayed into a single, and scored on a passed ball uncorked by Game Two starter Browning. The Cannons, taking advantage of Metallurgist miscues, grabbed a two-run lead in the second when “Señor Cinco” singled, Barsa and Tom Clark reached on errors (the second plating Dionicio), and a double steal allowed the speedy Barsa to swipe home easily for a 3-1 Cannons advantage. Patenaude, lacking a little of his usual pop and working for the first time with Pallone as his battery-mate, was tagged for a trio of unearned runs in the third as a Dionicio drop of a low throw led to three runs when Klare, Tico Torres, and Bratina eventually came around to score, putting Bristol on top 4-3. Connecticut, not pressing in any way and playing with confidence, immediately tied things in the home half of the third when Balcerzak singled and Luby hit a deep double off the left field fence—“The classic Luby stroke and a beautiful sight to behold,” said Celio as a guest on Weber’s weekly call-in radio program Worldwide Web—before “Louisiana Deceptively Fast,” once again inserted as a courtesy runner, was caught leaning toward third (a Dionicio ground out to second, that would have easily scored base stealer extraordinaire McDowell, instead harmlessly ended the inning; Celio ragged the “Ragin’ Cajun” who had struck out to start the frame after a facetious foul call robber the redneck of extra bases, “Drew, I was hoping you could somehow make all three outs.”). Bristol, all but willing to throw in the towel early on, sensed an opportunity in the making as Giovinazzo walked to start the fourth and Farquarson followed with a single but a brilliant tag and throw by McDowell to turn two on a Klare grounder allowed the Cannons’ fifty-three year old lefty to leave the “Big Ragu” at third when he struck out an overmatched Torres, leaving the go-ahead run stranded ninety feet from the plate (Clark commented on Klare, “The guy swings like he has bone cancer” though he somehow managed three hits against Cannons’ pitchers on Sunday). Connecticut jumped back out in front in the fourth as Barsa singled, Clark walked, Maule was intentionally issued a free pass, and McDowell made Browning and Bristol pay with a single up the middle that scored two. However, the Scrappers responded in their next at-bat as Ziogas and Bratina singled, both advancing on a passed ball, Browning grounded a run-scoring ball to short, and Roberts stroked a two-out single to knot the score at six. The Cannons put lead-off runners on the base paths as Luby doubled for the second straight at-bat and Weber, pinch hitting for Yanosy, walked in the fifth and sixth respectively but both failed to score. Patenaude (7 IP, 9 R, 6 ER, 15 H, 2 K, 2 BB) blew two fastballs by Raponey to start the seventh but tried to sneak an off-speed pitch by and was burned for a base hit up the middle. Ziogas singled and Bratina hit the eventual game-winning double before Browning (RBI single) and Blake (sacrifice fly to center) gave Bristol a three-run bulge. Connecticut refused to go quietly as McDowell singled and Balcerzak reached on an error, but a double play and a pop to short sealed the deal as the Cannons once again dropped two games under .500 with four to play. “Disappointing and frustrating,” stated Celio in response to the loss. “We’re playing a much better brand of baseball, and winning the first game while setting ourselves up for the sweep is something we’ve failed to do in the past, but we just can’t seem to close the door. Our pitchers aren’t Rambo; these guys have a limited number of bullets and we have to make big plays when given the opportunity. Extra outs have extended innings and allowed other teams to hang around and that is something we can’t afford when August rolls around. We’re in a good position to make a postseason push but we need to take advantage and put winnable ball games in the book. That being said, the line between disappointing and frustrating and dangerous and feared is razor thin. We’re averaging nearly five runs a game, more than that at home, but it’s time to put all of the pieces together and hit that playoff peak. We’ll be as loaded as any team when we do so and any three-game series is winnable with the guys we’ve got here.”

With rave reviews written and big bucks brought in, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince has lived up to the enormous hype that comes with being the penultimate episode in this classic confrontation of good versus evil. Unfortunately to this point in 2009, the Connecticut Cannons haven’t lived up to the preseason hyperbole and with the postseason quickly approaching the Cannons vehemently venture for the mystical powers that made them the favorites to win the CNMSBL A Division Championship, hoping to hoist the Clarke-Clinton Trophy like a Triwizard Cup of Goblet of Fire fame to any and all Potterphiles. August is all but upon us and with it the postseason. The magic potion for success—equal parts offense, defense, and pitching—are ingredients in available abundance in the Cannons clubhouse. Mix all three liberally and you have created the potent potion for Saturday and Sunday series success. Cannon Nation and the rest of the wizarding world wonders: Are Connecticut’s players mere Muggles or will they discover the magic that allows them to take the 2009 CNMSBL A Division crown? Accio Championship!

Cannons News and Notes: The Cannons take on the Eastern Connecticut Cubs (5-13, ninth place), in Newington on Sunday, July 26…all remaining dates at New Cannon Yards on this season-ending homestand are sold out…the Baby Bears surrender nearly seven runs per contest and Celio called these games “must win”; Connecticut tied its all-time A Division best seven–win total from last season and looks to shatter that mark with four games to play…with three home wins, the Cannons matched their best mark since joining the upper level in 2006; prior to the Game Two loss, the Big Guns had won four in a row against the Metallurgists after dropping seven straight decisions to start the series…this was Connecticut’s first series win of the season (3-1); the Cannons’ batting averaged rose to .281 through eight Sundays, a sign the team might be getting hot at the right time yet again (the overall opponents’ average inched ever-closer reaching .278, the highest plateau at any point this season)…Connecticut has 124 total hits while the opposition has 121; another Sunday, another pair of brittle broken bats—two Rally Bats—as the team dangerously approached the single bat bag barrier (a post-season re-stock is imminent); Balcerzak, Barsa, Clark, Dionicio, Luby, Maule, McDowell, McGann, Patenaude Quinn, Svoboda, and Yanosy have all played in eight or more games for the Cannons this season, achieving postseason eligibility (DePalma and Weber can join their teammates in the games against the Cubbies…Celio, Steve Markie, and Pallone all still several games away though all can earn eligibility within the four remaining games); McDowell joined Balcerzak (21), Maule (20…13 doubles), Dionicio (16), and Luby (12) as Cannons to reach the ’09 double-digit hit mark (Celio’s team-leading single season total of twenty-eight hits set in the inaugural 2001 campaign is within striking distance); Maule (.500), Balcerzak (.429), Dionicio (.390), McDowell (.333) and Barsa (.308) are the five Cannon hitters with batting averages above .300 on the season (six Cannons are currently under the Mendoza Line…P Patenaude has not had a plate appearance); Barsa v. Bristol: the first baseman enjoyed facing the Bristol pitching staff, going 5 for 14 (.357, 2B, 3B, 4 R, 3 RBI) in games against the Scrappers…he is 3 for 12 (.250, 2 R, 2 RBI) against all other opponents; “T-Rex”—first in line as the food came off the grill at Weber’s last weekend—proudly consumed three cheeseburgers and two hot dogs at DePalma’s after the contests…yet still audaciously expressed disbelief that “Mouth From the South” Dionicio was not in attendance for the free feast (DePalma graciously grubbed with Balcerzak, Barsa, Celio, and Clark at his New Britain abode…Dionicio did take the one Stella Artois from the Cannons cooler saying simply, “I don’t drink Bud.”)…Barsa regaled teammates with talk of a four-way skinny dip—“The Terrorist,” a forty year old non-virgin, and two twenty somethings—during which, “two hands were on my c**k and my two hands were on t**s at all times”; the Return of Hairway to Heaven: most in the Cannons conglomerate expressed an affinity for fully shaved females while “Billy Bush” was the lone dissenting voice saying the harrier the merrier; Clark admitted to kicking out all of the windows on an ex-girlfriend’s car when he found out she was cheating on him (he replaced them when the ex and her gang-affiliated new beau threatened to involve local law enforcement…or the Lords and Dukes, New Britain-area gang members; DePalma, After Dark: the catcher confided in Barsa and Celio after several brews that: 1) he is a wine connoisseur (“$28 a bottle or better”); 2) he has banged a black chick; and 2) over the last two and half years of what, in hindsight, was a doomed marriage he was referred to on-line and in text messages as F***WAD (always capitalized) by his wife, as in, “I have to go, F***WAD just got home.”; with the eighth month just a few days away, World Headquarters was contacted from California by Tom “Mr. August” Bogiatzis who has enjoyed the articles and wishes the Cannons all the success in the world for the upcoming playoffs; The Elbow Room, Plan B, The Spigot, are now joined by Cocoa Kitchen and Bar as official sponsors of the 2009 Connecticut Cannons playoffs; the team has twenty-four tickets for a luxury box at Dodd Stadium in Norwich for a contest between the Akron Aeros and Connecticut Defenders on Thursday, August 13; Celio will put on a post-game party following the games against the cross-town rival Newington Capitals on August 2…the Manager is also exploring possible August dates for Italian-Fest ’09; two weeks from today (Monday, August 3) players will be in possession of their ballots for the 2009 Cannons Awards (polls will remain open until 11:59 p.m. on Friday, August 7).

7/19 Studs: Maule (4 for 7, 2B, INT BB, 2 R, 3 RBI, SB); Barsa (3 for 6, 2B, 3 R, RBI, SB of home on a double steal, 3 CB, 2 HD); Dionicio (3 for 7, 2 R, RBI, 4 SB); Yanosy (CG, W, the first victory of his Cannons career); McGann (two outfield assists: Weber comically criticized the outfielder on Sunday for at times playing too deep, calling him out for “Pulling a Mancer,” so-called for the original Cannons’ proclivity to let balls drop harmlessly in for hits rather than making a play); Calusine for not getting ejected (Bristol’s curmudgeonly manager was tossed from the May 3 match-up for arguing with umpires)

CB = cheeseburgers HD = Hot Dogs

7/19 Duds: Patenaude (7 IP, 9 R, 15 H, 2 BB); Celio for failing to insert a fresh-armed Clark when Patenaude showed signs of fatigue as his pitch count entered the eighties

WIN, LOSE: A DRAW
Cannons Drop DiVita In Opener, Nipped In Nightcap; 2-2 On Ten-Game Homestand

Newington, CT (AP)—Win, Lose or Draw, the Burt and Bert (Reynolds and Convy) Productions game show that aired on CBS from 1987 to 1990 and in syndication in perpetuity, was a two-team competition that combined the best elements of Charades and Pictionary with stars—described by some as second-rate celebrities—such a Dom DeLuise, Loni Anderson, Ricardo Montalbán, and Lynda Carter giving and guessing clues for a phrase, title or thing that was being artistically arranged by another teammate. Good, clean fun, similar to that experienced by fans of CNMSBL baseball and the Connecticut Cannons. On Sunday, the Torr-Winchester Rifles came to Newington in the much-anticipated third and fourth games of the season series in this two-team competition and the results were very similar to those of Opening weekend: both teams stepped away from the field with a single win and a single loss—the classic draw between the high caliber Rifles and Cannons—as the stretch run continues.

Game One was the weekend’s premier pitching match-up in the CNMSBL, pitting Mike “Old Man of the ‘C’” Patenaude against Danny “Taxi” DiVita, a rematch of last season’s playoff semifinal won in dramatic fashion by the Rifles. Following a forty minute delay due to a dearth of umpires, the Cannons’ lefty worked his way around an error in the first by striking out Billy Dee Williams to end the visitor’s half of the frame and the big bats atop the Cannons line-up went to work with their first whacks. Jason Maule took a base on balls and subsequently stole second. Tom Luby legged out an infield single as Maule held his ground, both players advanced when DiVita uncorked a wild pitch, and Bill Balcerzak came up big once again for Connecticut (the hard hitting shortstop leads the team in four offensive categories, importantly including runs scored and batted in; Balcerzak’s eighteen hits are second in the league to the Eastern Connecticut Cubs’ Matt Cook’s nineteen, is second in RBI, and tied for third in runs), stroking a two-run single to give the Cannons an early advantage, one that a well-rested Patenaude, pitching for the first time since June 7, would never relinquish. The fifty-three year old wonder allowed at least one runner into scoring position over the next three frames but was able to avoid any damage due to solid defense and his ability to keep Torr-Winchester’s batters off balance in their biggest at-bats (a DiVita ground out back to the box with the bases loaded in the third and back-to-back strike outs and a ground ball to first in the fourth after Paul “Digger” Graves and Howie Longhi reached on singles to start the inning were most notable). In the meantime, Connecticut was a able to tack on a tally in the second when Mike “PETA” McGann doubled, his first extra base hit of 2009, and scored on Maule’s two bagger to put the home team top on top by three. McGann started another rally in the fourth by singling and stealing second and then DiVita’s defense let him down as Leo “Señor Cinco” Dionicio reached on an error by Artie Lange (one of a conservative four the third baseman committed in Game One), and Luby went down swinging but reached base as the third strike skipped away from Rifles catcher and Derek Jeter doppelganger Dick “Big, Thick and” DeVanney. All three players would eventually score—McGann courtesy of a passed ball, Dionicio on a Balcerzak sacrifice fly to right, and Maule (inserted as a courtesy runner for Luby) as he raced home from first on another error by Lange—to push the Cannons comfortably ahead 6-0. Al “The Godfather” Boucino doubled to lead off the fifth for Torr-Winchester and eventually scored on a wild pitch but the lone run was all the Rifles could muster against the cagey Patenaude (7 IP, 1 ER, 6 H, 6 K, 1 BB) who notched his fourth win of the season with a complete game, also his fourth of the campaign. “Mike [Patenaude] was solid for us once again and, after missing the Opener at Fuessenich Field, I’m sure he had this game circled on his calendar,” Manager Matt Celio told reporters between games. “It’s a luxury to know the team is going to be in games when he is on the hill (other than the nine run blip in three innings against the Windsor Mets immediately following his back-to-back complete game performances against the Suffield Irish, the crafty veteran has amazing allowed just five earned runs in 34-plus innings of work this season). Jason is a double machine and continues to swing a hot bat and set the table, Billy consistently drives him in, Mike [McGann] is giving us production as a prototypical double lead-off, and it was especially enjoyable to see Tom [Luby] come up with a pair of hits and runs because he is our leader and puts so much positive pressure on himself to produce. Without question we need these guys to keep doing their things as we immerse ourselves deeper into the stretch run. We’re playing a good brand of baseball, probably our best all-around ball of the season, and I think that makes us dangerous over the remaining course of the campaign, both regular and postseason.”

Game Two saw recently rejuvenated righty Tom Clark Connecticut square off against Lange as the Cannons (6-7 entering the contest) hoped to claw their way back to .500 for the first time in over a month. Clark set the Rifles down in order in the first and the Cannons offense once again scored two first inning runs as Maule reached on a two-base error, Dionicio doubled him home, and Balcerzak added a two-bagger of his own to plate the “Dominican Dreamboat.” However, in the second, Torr-Winchester was able to knot the score at two as Williams reached on a lead-off error, DiVita singled (he was thrown out at second from the outfield fence by Maule: “Who’s out there, Vlad Guerrero?” asked the stunned Rifle, though Williams went to third), Graves doubled home the first run, and Lange came up big with a two-out base hit scoring “Have You Seen a Grown Man Naked?” Connecticut reclaimed the lead in the third as Maule walked, Dionicio singled (the hundredth hit of the campaign for the Cannons), Luby had a RBI base knock, and “El Heartthrob de Hispaniola” swiped third and scored as the ball scooted by DiVita, pushing the lead to 4-2. Clark (4 IP, 3 ER, 6 H, 1 K, 1 HBP) was touched for a run in the fourth as Graves fouled off three two-strike pitches, getting a base hit back up the middle and eventually coming home on Ricky “I Love” Lussier’s two-out single to move the Rifles within one. A pop out to Luby with runners on second and third marked Clark’s fifty-fourth and final pitch of the ball game as Connecticut turned to Jim Yanosy to close things out. “JY Jelly” uncharacteristically lacked his normal command of the curveball—or an adequate umpire to call the pitch correctly—and surrendered the lead in the fifth as Boucino went full and worked a lead-off walk (he would score later in the inning as a ball bounded away from catcher Mike Weber into the Torr-Winchester dugout), DeVanney doubled, DiVita took a base on balls, and Graves singled home the go-ahead run. The Rifles tacked on two insurance runs against Yanosy (3 IP, 4 R, 3 ER, 5 H, 1 K, 4 BB) in the seventh when DiVita singled, Graves doubled (the hundredth hit of the season against the Cannons), Longhi “reached” on an error—he was clearly out at first—to load the bases, pinch hitter/relief pitcher Woody Mayger had a RBI base on balls, and Graves scored on a passed ball to push the advantage to three, a 7-4 Rifles lead with just three outs to go. The never-say-quit Cannons mounted a comeback in the home half of the seventh as Chris Barsa took his first walk of the season, Maule doubled, and Dionicio had a run scoring ground out to short. Luby reached safely on an error by the normally sure-handed Boucino at second to prolong the rally and courtesy runner Dionicio stole second to put the tying run in scoring position but an incredibly controversial call at first ended the comeback and the game as Balcerzak clearly beat out an infield single but was called out by Pete “Helen Keller” Vielleux, brought in by Yanosy to replace the missing CNMSBL crew, and the Rifles escaped with a very questionable 7-5 victory (Vielleux told Weber before the game, “I have a big strike zone, so big I could drive my car through it…and I own a Bonneville.” As the zone shrunk and all but disappeared on the Cannons’ reliever Weber asked, “Where’s the Bonneville, Pete?”). “We’ve been so close over the past few Sundays,” expounded Celio in his post-game press conference. “We’ve played well enough to win but just haven’t gotten over the hump. A few opportunities here or there that we didn’t cash in on, like leaving runners at third in four of seven frames in Game Two today, a missed call or ten, and we come out on the short end of the stick. Tommy once again gutted it out and did a great job of keeping us in the ball game. Unfortunately Jimmy has run into a bit of bad luck but I’m confident that the foursome of Patenaude, Clark, Yanosy, and [Kevin] Quinn will be tough to beat once August rolls around. Next weekend and all of the weekends ahead give us an opportunity to get things perfect.”

The playoff picture remains cloudy after a draw between the Cannons and Rifles on Sunday in a classic confrontation and the CNMSBL’s nationally televised games of the week—sponsored in part by 7-11’s new Liquid Artillery Slurpee—but could brighten considerably with double headers against the league’s sixth, ninth, and tenth seeds over the final three Sundays of the regular season. July has traditionally been a month of warmer weather where the Connecticut ball club warms to the task at hand in hopes of August success on the post-season stage. But the words have been written often before: championships are not won or lost on warm July afternoons but rather under the sultry, sunny skies of August. There is still plenty of time before CNMSBL season supremacy can be decided in 2009 and a bunch of baseball to be played. Connecticut will have to draw considerably upon its assembled talent if the team expects to achieve the ultimate goal, winning the coveted Clarke-Clinton Trophy. Citizens of the Nation (and Reynolds aficionados), it’s time for a Cannonball Run in the Connecticut North Men’s Senior Baseball League!

Cannons News and Notes: The Cannons take on the Bristol Scrappers (7-7 and tied for sixth place at press time), in Newington on Sunday, July 19…all remaining dates at New Cannon Yards on this season-ending homestand are sold out…Connecticut swept Bristol back on May 3 by final scores of 5-3 and 10-3; the team’s all-time A Division best seven–win total during the ’08 regular season is squarely within reach with six games to play; the Cannons’ batting averaged remained at .274 through seven Sundays (the overall opponents’ average crept ever-closer at .269, the highest point it’s been at any point this season)…Connecticut has 105 total hits while the opposition has 100 (a seventh inning double by Graves was the century maker); Celio went to both Alumni Field and Mill Pond in an attempt to acquire umpires…when asked why it was taking him so long to return, Luby replied, “He probably stopped off to get some burgers.”; another Sunday, another foursome of broken bats—a Mizuno and three Rally Bats—as the team slipped toward the single bat bag barrier; McDowell has his batting glove ripped by a DiVita fastball…when “Louisiana Deceptively Fast” took first, the Rifles ace said, “I definitely didn’t hit him because he’s not hurt enough. I throw ninety-eight. [Derek] Jeter’s out two weeks with an injury if I hit his hand.”; Balcerzak, Barsa, Clark, Dionicio, Luby, Maule, McDowell, McGann, Patenaude Quinn, Svoboda, and Yanosy have all played in eight or more games for the Cannons this season, achieving postseason eligibility (DePalma can join his teammates in the games against the Metallurgists…Celio, Steve Markie, Pallone, and Weber have some catching up to do); after his four double performance, DeVanney and Graves reiterated their opening weekend assessment that Maule is “the most dangerous and feared hitter in the league.”; Luby (10) joined Balcerzak (18), Maule (16…12 doubles) and Dionicio (13) as the only Cannons to reach the ’09 double-digit hit barrier (C/P Quinn has 9 but is expected to miss the next three weekends for vacation…McDowell has 8); McDowell made an outstanding over-the-shoulder grab of a Williams batted ball, eerily reminiscent of the play he was unable make in last season’s playoff loss; in the dugout during Game Two, Barsa consumed a Mega Missile ice cream pop given to him by Jake McDowell…Barsa wants to be known as “Mega Missile” instead of “T-Rex” from this point forward…Dionicio, he of the Trojan XL advertising campaign, ordered an immediate injunction as he attempts to add the nickname to an already ample supply of aliases; late in the game, Clark asked, “Is it Beer:30 yet?”…and a Cannons catch phrase is born; DeVanney and the Rifles hold the postseason tie-breaker over the Cannons courtesy of a big beer: Torr-Winchester’s catcher clumsily closed out his half yard while Weber was bested by the bong twice; unsurprisingly Barsa was first in line as the food came off the grill; loving Billy’s wiener in our mouths: Balcerzak brought world-famous Buffalo and Rochester hot dogs to Weber Manor for the post-game party; Clark and wife Virgie enjoyed the provided Polish kielbasa…Clark was overheard saying to his wife, Virgie, “This is second Polish sausage you’ve ever eaten.”…the pitcher is part Polish; Dionicio and wife Gina left their three children at Weber’s as the attended church—and quite possibly the longest mass in Connecticut since Roger Sherman’s days—at St. Thomas the Apostle in West Hartford; Weber and Graves agreed to disagree about the CNMSBL’s top three pitchers (both members of management had Glastonbury’s John Skinner and Hartford’s Kevin Rival among the league leaders…Weber favored teammate Patenaude while Graves sided with DiVita…who had earlier lost to the lefty by five runs…hmmmm?); on this week’s episode of Dr. Luby, Ph.D.: the good doctor once again waxed lyrical on diverse issues like life, love, the power of positive thinking, and being as good as your next plate appearance or play in the field (according to Balcerzak, “All past failures are over the second you cut them loose,” and, “All things seem difficult before they get easy.”), focusing specifically on number one patient DePalma who has proven luckier in love recently but no more lucky in load; Celio, DePalma, Luby, and Weber made it to Monday, ending the party at 12:01 a.m. amidst much Blazing Saddles-esque flatulence; Luby drunkenly dialed Celio’s cell, leaving his characteristic classical interlude as a message; a case of Can-cest? DePalma expressed an affinity for the first-ever Fan of the Year and former wife of “Father of Cannons Baseball” Andy Borst, Molly (the two used to work out in the same gym); DePalma has a slight tear of his gastroc muscle and has been receiving treatment for the pain…team doctors okayed playing but told the catcher “not to tear it up too mucho on the base paths.” DePalma responded, saying, “I couldn’t do that before the injury!”; the Berlin Batting Cages opened early for Luby and Weber, who took some additional cuts before the contests (these are unavailable to the public until 10:00 a.m. on Sundays); Dionicio told members of management he preferred to be used as an extra hitter because of a mysterious growth on his foot, deemed a “sixth toe” by the “Dominican Dreamboat”; rookie Josh Svoboda missed Sunday’s games after: 1) moving into a new home last week; 2) gutting and refinishing the basement; 3) building a bar; and 4) consuming three bottles of Jägermeister at the house warming party on Saturday (somehow it seems as if number 4 was probably most responsible for the absence!); Silly Puddy: Celio’s kids asked the 8 Ball if the Connecticut Cannons will win the 2009 CNMSBL A Division Championship…the answers; “Without A Doubt” and “It Is Certain”; Plan B in West Hartford, official sponsor of the 2009 Connecticut Cannons playoffs, celebrated its third anniversary on Monday, July 13; the team has twenty-four tickets for a luxury box at Dodd Stadium in Norwich for a contest between the Akron Aeros and Connecticut Defenders on Thursday, August 13; Celio is exploring possible August dates for Italian-Fest ’09 (the two Fridays in July put out as possibilities have been met with only mild interest); former Cannon Jason Jackson will return to Connecticut for a self-described “fall foliage tour” and hopes to hook up with his former teammates for a long weekend of frivolity and perhaps even Jocktoberfest (in a late night conversation with the voice of the Miami Heat, Lubes worked on team tickets to a Celtics, Knicks, or Nets contest).

7/12 Studs: Maule (4 for 6, 4 2B, 2 BB, 3 R, RBI, 4 SB); McGann (2 for 5, 2 R, SB); Patenaude (7 IP, 1 ER, 6 K, CG, W); DePalma and Weber for filling in admirably behind the dish (Patenaude personally selected “Palm Sunday” for his start…Weber wasn’t surprised: “MP would rather have Charles Manson behind the plate instead of me.” Patenaude agreed: “I would clearly take Manson over Web and would even consider a blind cripple.”)

7/12 Duds: Celio’s 0 for 3 performance on three weak ground balls…as an extra hitter; Barsa for trying to go first-to-third on a passed ball with no wheels, a strong-armed catcher, and quite possibly the planet’s hottest hitter, Maule, at the plate; the CNMSBL’s Boys in Blue and Umpire Vielleux for his ghastly game-altering calls in the seventh inning, affecting the Cannons negatively on both defense and offense (the official offered his services at the drop of a hat by simply placing a phone call…McGann said sourly to Celio, “Make sure you lose that number immediately.”); Rifles 6’ 4” C DeVanney for taunting and bullying Vielleux at every opportunity; “Wee Man”—no, not that “Wee Man”—Max Weber for urinating repeatedly on the heavily-trafficked waterslide (though some of the ladies probably think he should make the “Stud” list!)