WIN, LOSE: A DRAW
Cannons Drop DiVita In Opener, Nipped In Nightcap; 2-2 On Ten-Game Homestand

Newington, CT (AP)—Win, Lose or Draw, the Burt and Bert (Reynolds and Convy) Productions game show that aired on CBS from 1987 to 1990 and in syndication in perpetuity, was a two-team competition that combined the best elements of Charades and Pictionary with stars—described by some as second-rate celebrities—such a Dom DeLuise, Loni Anderson, Ricardo Montalbán, and Lynda Carter giving and guessing clues for a phrase, title or thing that was being artistically arranged by another teammate. Good, clean fun, similar to that experienced by fans of CNMSBL baseball and the Connecticut Cannons. On Sunday, the Torr-Winchester Rifles came to Newington in the much-anticipated third and fourth games of the season series in this two-team competition and the results were very similar to those of Opening weekend: both teams stepped away from the field with a single win and a single loss—the classic draw between the high caliber Rifles and Cannons—as the stretch run continues.

Game One was the weekend’s premier pitching match-up in the CNMSBL, pitting Mike “Old Man of the ‘C’” Patenaude against Danny “Taxi” DiVita, a rematch of last season’s playoff semifinal won in dramatic fashion by the Rifles. Following a forty minute delay due to a dearth of umpires, the Cannons’ lefty worked his way around an error in the first by striking out Billy Dee Williams to end the visitor’s half of the frame and the big bats atop the Cannons line-up went to work with their first whacks. Jason Maule took a base on balls and subsequently stole second. Tom Luby legged out an infield single as Maule held his ground, both players advanced when DiVita uncorked a wild pitch, and Bill Balcerzak came up big once again for Connecticut (the hard hitting shortstop leads the team in four offensive categories, importantly including runs scored and batted in; Balcerzak’s eighteen hits are second in the league to the Eastern Connecticut Cubs’ Matt Cook’s nineteen, is second in RBI, and tied for third in runs), stroking a two-run single to give the Cannons an early advantage, one that a well-rested Patenaude, pitching for the first time since June 7, would never relinquish. The fifty-three year old wonder allowed at least one runner into scoring position over the next three frames but was able to avoid any damage due to solid defense and his ability to keep Torr-Winchester’s batters off balance in their biggest at-bats (a DiVita ground out back to the box with the bases loaded in the third and back-to-back strike outs and a ground ball to first in the fourth after Paul “Digger” Graves and Howie Longhi reached on singles to start the inning were most notable). In the meantime, Connecticut was a able to tack on a tally in the second when Mike “PETA” McGann doubled, his first extra base hit of 2009, and scored on Maule’s two bagger to put the home team top on top by three. McGann started another rally in the fourth by singling and stealing second and then DiVita’s defense let him down as Leo “Señor Cinco” Dionicio reached on an error by Artie Lange (one of a conservative four the third baseman committed in Game One), and Luby went down swinging but reached base as the third strike skipped away from Rifles catcher and Derek Jeter doppelganger Dick “Big, Thick and” DeVanney. All three players would eventually score—McGann courtesy of a passed ball, Dionicio on a Balcerzak sacrifice fly to right, and Maule (inserted as a courtesy runner for Luby) as he raced home from first on another error by Lange—to push the Cannons comfortably ahead 6-0. Al “The Godfather” Boucino doubled to lead off the fifth for Torr-Winchester and eventually scored on a wild pitch but the lone run was all the Rifles could muster against the cagey Patenaude (7 IP, 1 ER, 6 H, 6 K, 1 BB) who notched his fourth win of the season with a complete game, also his fourth of the campaign. “Mike [Patenaude] was solid for us once again and, after missing the Opener at Fuessenich Field, I’m sure he had this game circled on his calendar,” Manager Matt Celio told reporters between games. “It’s a luxury to know the team is going to be in games when he is on the hill (other than the nine run blip in three innings against the Windsor Mets immediately following his back-to-back complete game performances against the Suffield Irish, the crafty veteran has amazing allowed just five earned runs in 34-plus innings of work this season). Jason is a double machine and continues to swing a hot bat and set the table, Billy consistently drives him in, Mike [McGann] is giving us production as a prototypical double lead-off, and it was especially enjoyable to see Tom [Luby] come up with a pair of hits and runs because he is our leader and puts so much positive pressure on himself to produce. Without question we need these guys to keep doing their things as we immerse ourselves deeper into the stretch run. We’re playing a good brand of baseball, probably our best all-around ball of the season, and I think that makes us dangerous over the remaining course of the campaign, both regular and postseason.”

Game Two saw recently rejuvenated righty Tom Clark Connecticut square off against Lange as the Cannons (6-7 entering the contest) hoped to claw their way back to .500 for the first time in over a month. Clark set the Rifles down in order in the first and the Cannons offense once again scored two first inning runs as Maule reached on a two-base error, Dionicio doubled him home, and Balcerzak added a two-bagger of his own to plate the “Dominican Dreamboat.” However, in the second, Torr-Winchester was able to knot the score at two as Williams reached on a lead-off error, DiVita singled (he was thrown out at second from the outfield fence by Maule: “Who’s out there, Vlad Guerrero?” asked the stunned Rifle, though Williams went to third), Graves doubled home the first run, and Lange came up big with a two-out base hit scoring “Have You Seen a Grown Man Naked?” Connecticut reclaimed the lead in the third as Maule walked, Dionicio singled (the hundredth hit of the campaign for the Cannons), Luby had a RBI base knock, and “El Heartthrob de Hispaniola” swiped third and scored as the ball scooted by DiVita, pushing the lead to 4-2. Clark (4 IP, 3 ER, 6 H, 1 K, 1 HBP) was touched for a run in the fourth as Graves fouled off three two-strike pitches, getting a base hit back up the middle and eventually coming home on Ricky “I Love” Lussier’s two-out single to move the Rifles within one. A pop out to Luby with runners on second and third marked Clark’s fifty-fourth and final pitch of the ball game as Connecticut turned to Jim Yanosy to close things out. “JY Jelly” uncharacteristically lacked his normal command of the curveball—or an adequate umpire to call the pitch correctly—and surrendered the lead in the fifth as Boucino went full and worked a lead-off walk (he would score later in the inning as a ball bounded away from catcher Mike Weber into the Torr-Winchester dugout), DeVanney doubled, DiVita took a base on balls, and Graves singled home the go-ahead run. The Rifles tacked on two insurance runs against Yanosy (3 IP, 4 R, 3 ER, 5 H, 1 K, 4 BB) in the seventh when DiVita singled, Graves doubled (the hundredth hit of the season against the Cannons), Longhi “reached” on an error—he was clearly out at first—to load the bases, pinch hitter/relief pitcher Woody Mayger had a RBI base on balls, and Graves scored on a passed ball to push the advantage to three, a 7-4 Rifles lead with just three outs to go. The never-say-quit Cannons mounted a comeback in the home half of the seventh as Chris Barsa took his first walk of the season, Maule doubled, and Dionicio had a run scoring ground out to short. Luby reached safely on an error by the normally sure-handed Boucino at second to prolong the rally and courtesy runner Dionicio stole second to put the tying run in scoring position but an incredibly controversial call at first ended the comeback and the game as Balcerzak clearly beat out an infield single but was called out by Pete “Helen Keller” Vielleux, brought in by Yanosy to replace the missing CNMSBL crew, and the Rifles escaped with a very questionable 7-5 victory (Vielleux told Weber before the game, “I have a big strike zone, so big I could drive my car through it…and I own a Bonneville.” As the zone shrunk and all but disappeared on the Cannons’ reliever Weber asked, “Where’s the Bonneville, Pete?”). “We’ve been so close over the past few Sundays,” expounded Celio in his post-game press conference. “We’ve played well enough to win but just haven’t gotten over the hump. A few opportunities here or there that we didn’t cash in on, like leaving runners at third in four of seven frames in Game Two today, a missed call or ten, and we come out on the short end of the stick. Tommy once again gutted it out and did a great job of keeping us in the ball game. Unfortunately Jimmy has run into a bit of bad luck but I’m confident that the foursome of Patenaude, Clark, Yanosy, and [Kevin] Quinn will be tough to beat once August rolls around. Next weekend and all of the weekends ahead give us an opportunity to get things perfect.”

The playoff picture remains cloudy after a draw between the Cannons and Rifles on Sunday in a classic confrontation and the CNMSBL’s nationally televised games of the week—sponsored in part by 7-11’s new Liquid Artillery Slurpee—but could brighten considerably with double headers against the league’s sixth, ninth, and tenth seeds over the final three Sundays of the regular season. July has traditionally been a month of warmer weather where the Connecticut ball club warms to the task at hand in hopes of August success on the post-season stage. But the words have been written often before: championships are not won or lost on warm July afternoons but rather under the sultry, sunny skies of August. There is still plenty of time before CNMSBL season supremacy can be decided in 2009 and a bunch of baseball to be played. Connecticut will have to draw considerably upon its assembled talent if the team expects to achieve the ultimate goal, winning the coveted Clarke-Clinton Trophy. Citizens of the Nation (and Reynolds aficionados), it’s time for a Cannonball Run in the Connecticut North Men’s Senior Baseball League!

Cannons News and Notes: The Cannons take on the Bristol Scrappers (7-7 and tied for sixth place at press time), in Newington on Sunday, July 19…all remaining dates at New Cannon Yards on this season-ending homestand are sold out…Connecticut swept Bristol back on May 3 by final scores of 5-3 and 10-3; the team’s all-time A Division best seven–win total during the ’08 regular season is squarely within reach with six games to play; the Cannons’ batting averaged remained at .274 through seven Sundays (the overall opponents’ average crept ever-closer at .269, the highest point it’s been at any point this season)…Connecticut has 105 total hits while the opposition has 100 (a seventh inning double by Graves was the century maker); Celio went to both Alumni Field and Mill Pond in an attempt to acquire umpires…when asked why it was taking him so long to return, Luby replied, “He probably stopped off to get some burgers.”; another Sunday, another foursome of broken bats—a Mizuno and three Rally Bats—as the team slipped toward the single bat bag barrier; McDowell has his batting glove ripped by a DiVita fastball…when “Louisiana Deceptively Fast” took first, the Rifles ace said, “I definitely didn’t hit him because he’s not hurt enough. I throw ninety-eight. [Derek] Jeter’s out two weeks with an injury if I hit his hand.”; Balcerzak, Barsa, Clark, Dionicio, Luby, Maule, McDowell, McGann, Patenaude Quinn, Svoboda, and Yanosy have all played in eight or more games for the Cannons this season, achieving postseason eligibility (DePalma can join his teammates in the games against the Metallurgists…Celio, Steve Markie, Pallone, and Weber have some catching up to do); after his four double performance, DeVanney and Graves reiterated their opening weekend assessment that Maule is “the most dangerous and feared hitter in the league.”; Luby (10) joined Balcerzak (18), Maule (16…12 doubles) and Dionicio (13) as the only Cannons to reach the ’09 double-digit hit barrier (C/P Quinn has 9 but is expected to miss the next three weekends for vacation…McDowell has 8); McDowell made an outstanding over-the-shoulder grab of a Williams batted ball, eerily reminiscent of the play he was unable make in last season’s playoff loss; in the dugout during Game Two, Barsa consumed a Mega Missile ice cream pop given to him by Jake McDowell…Barsa wants to be known as “Mega Missile” instead of “T-Rex” from this point forward…Dionicio, he of the Trojan XL advertising campaign, ordered an immediate injunction as he attempts to add the nickname to an already ample supply of aliases; late in the game, Clark asked, “Is it Beer:30 yet?”…and a Cannons catch phrase is born; DeVanney and the Rifles hold the postseason tie-breaker over the Cannons courtesy of a big beer: Torr-Winchester’s catcher clumsily closed out his half yard while Weber was bested by the bong twice; unsurprisingly Barsa was first in line as the food came off the grill; loving Billy’s wiener in our mouths: Balcerzak brought world-famous Buffalo and Rochester hot dogs to Weber Manor for the post-game party; Clark and wife Virgie enjoyed the provided Polish kielbasa…Clark was overheard saying to his wife, Virgie, “This is second Polish sausage you’ve ever eaten.”…the pitcher is part Polish; Dionicio and wife Gina left their three children at Weber’s as the attended church—and quite possibly the longest mass in Connecticut since Roger Sherman’s days—at St. Thomas the Apostle in West Hartford; Weber and Graves agreed to disagree about the CNMSBL’s top three pitchers (both members of management had Glastonbury’s John Skinner and Hartford’s Kevin Rival among the league leaders…Weber favored teammate Patenaude while Graves sided with DiVita…who had earlier lost to the lefty by five runs…hmmmm?); on this week’s episode of Dr. Luby, Ph.D.: the good doctor once again waxed lyrical on diverse issues like life, love, the power of positive thinking, and being as good as your next plate appearance or play in the field (according to Balcerzak, “All past failures are over the second you cut them loose,” and, “All things seem difficult before they get easy.”), focusing specifically on number one patient DePalma who has proven luckier in love recently but no more lucky in load; Celio, DePalma, Luby, and Weber made it to Monday, ending the party at 12:01 a.m. amidst much Blazing Saddles-esque flatulence; Luby drunkenly dialed Celio’s cell, leaving his characteristic classical interlude as a message; a case of Can-cest? DePalma expressed an affinity for the first-ever Fan of the Year and former wife of “Father of Cannons Baseball” Andy Borst, Molly (the two used to work out in the same gym); DePalma has a slight tear of his gastroc muscle and has been receiving treatment for the pain…team doctors okayed playing but told the catcher “not to tear it up too mucho on the base paths.” DePalma responded, saying, “I couldn’t do that before the injury!”; the Berlin Batting Cages opened early for Luby and Weber, who took some additional cuts before the contests (these are unavailable to the public until 10:00 a.m. on Sundays); Dionicio told members of management he preferred to be used as an extra hitter because of a mysterious growth on his foot, deemed a “sixth toe” by the “Dominican Dreamboat”; rookie Josh Svoboda missed Sunday’s games after: 1) moving into a new home last week; 2) gutting and refinishing the basement; 3) building a bar; and 4) consuming three bottles of Jägermeister at the house warming party on Saturday (somehow it seems as if number 4 was probably most responsible for the absence!); Silly Puddy: Celio’s kids asked the 8 Ball if the Connecticut Cannons will win the 2009 CNMSBL A Division Championship…the answers; “Without A Doubt” and “It Is Certain”; Plan B in West Hartford, official sponsor of the 2009 Connecticut Cannons playoffs, celebrated its third anniversary on Monday, July 13; the team has twenty-four tickets for a luxury box at Dodd Stadium in Norwich for a contest between the Akron Aeros and Connecticut Defenders on Thursday, August 13; Celio is exploring possible August dates for Italian-Fest ’09 (the two Fridays in July put out as possibilities have been met with only mild interest); former Cannon Jason Jackson will return to Connecticut for a self-described “fall foliage tour” and hopes to hook up with his former teammates for a long weekend of frivolity and perhaps even Jocktoberfest (in a late night conversation with the voice of the Miami Heat, Lubes worked on team tickets to a Celtics, Knicks, or Nets contest).

7/12 Studs: Maule (4 for 6, 4 2B, 2 BB, 3 R, RBI, 4 SB); McGann (2 for 5, 2 R, SB); Patenaude (7 IP, 1 ER, 6 K, CG, W); DePalma and Weber for filling in admirably behind the dish (Patenaude personally selected “Palm Sunday” for his start…Weber wasn’t surprised: “MP would rather have Charles Manson behind the plate instead of me.” Patenaude agreed: “I would clearly take Manson over Web and would even consider a blind cripple.”)

7/12 Duds: Celio’s 0 for 3 performance on three weak ground balls…as an extra hitter; Barsa for trying to go first-to-third on a passed ball with no wheels, a strong-armed catcher, and quite possibly the planet’s hottest hitter, Maule, at the plate; the CNMSBL’s Boys in Blue and Umpire Vielleux for his ghastly game-altering calls in the seventh inning, affecting the Cannons negatively on both defense and offense (the official offered his services at the drop of a hat by simply placing a phone call…McGann said sourly to Celio, “Make sure you lose that number immediately.”); Rifles 6’ 4” C DeVanney for taunting and bullying Vielleux at every opportunity; “Wee Man”—no, not that “Wee Man”—Max Weber for urinating repeatedly on the heavily-trafficked waterslide (though some of the ladies probably think he should make the “Stud” list!)