OUT OF “ORDER”
Cannons Fight But Fall To First-Place Phoenix

Newington, CT (AP)—One of the most highly anticipated movies of the summer, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, opened on Wednesday and has conjured a whopping total domestic gross of $140 million dollars in the five days following its release. The film follows fifth-year student Harry and his Hogwarts mates who, when faced with the unreliability of the very government of the magical world and the impotence of the authorities at school, arm themselves against the nefarious Lord Voldemort and his dreaded disciples, the Death Eaters. To prepare for the coming conflict, the students form a secret society known as Dumbledore’s Army—an homage to their honored Headmaster, Professor Albus Dumbledore—or simply the D.A. in which they attempt to learn new spells and hexes to counter the power of Voldemort and his acolytes. The D.A. mirrors in miniature the Order of the Phoenix, an organization founded by Dumbledore and his supporters as the major resistance to Voldemort’s rise to power and resultant return. The winds of war begin to blow and battle lines are drawn in this classic confrontation of good versus evil when it is discovered that a prophecy made before Harry’s birth has set the stage for a final fated showdown between Potter and Voldemort: “The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches…and the Dark Lord will mark him as an equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not…and either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives…the one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will be born as the seventh month dies.” As the seventh month reached its mid-way point this past Sunday, the Connecticut Cannons attempted to extend their winning streak against the first-place Bristol Phoenix Continentals (12-2) and although beating the Phoenix proved to be too tall of an order—the 2006 CNMSBL A Division Champions escaped from New Cannon Yards with a pair victories much like Voldemort dematerializing from the Ministry of Magic—Connecticut brilliantly battled Bristol for fourteen innings before eventually losing 3-1 and 5-4. The Cannons may be 0-5 all-time versus the Continentals but they have lost three of those contests by a single run. In doing so, Connecticut has shown that they are a team that has moved from vexed vassal to one on the verge of vengefully vanquishing these vainglorious, villainous and ultimately vincible varmints: essentially, in defeat they have been marked as Bristol’s equal, a team with the obvious ability to defeat the defending champs. “Two hard fought games. They just made fewer mistakes than us and came up bigger in the clutch,” Mike Weber succinctly stated to scores of reporters outside the team’s locker room. “Another solid performance that saw us come up just short. These are all building blocks for where we want to be in another month or so.” Bristol cannot survive at the end of August if Connecticut hopes to accomplish its goal of winning the 2007 title and with the post-season quickly approaching the Cannons look to find the mystical powers that made them the pre-season picks to win the D.A.—Division A—of the CNMSBL. Accio Championship!

After a three-week layoff following his first victory of the 2007 season Mike Patenaude, the ageless Albus Dumbledore of the A Division, was back on the bump where he was once again a wonder for the Cannons. The left-hander labored through the first few innings and was even overheard discussing his “effective wildness” with centerfielder Jason Maule but the fifty-one year old phenom was able to battle out of early jams courtesy of a pair of strike outs and a double play. Connecticut grabbed a one-run lead in the home half of the second as Chris “T-Rex” Barsa singled with two down and Weber followed with a deep RBI double, his first—spoiler alert: though not his last—as a member of the A Division. Bristol broke through against Patenaude in the third as a result of some small ball as Gepetto Rosano reached on an error, advanced to second on a single, moved to third on a sacrifice bunt and subsequently scored on a ground out to tie the score at 1. The Cannons had a chance to take the lead in the third when Matt Celio led off with a double but he was stranded at third base to end the inning, the final time a Cannons batter would be in scoring position against undefeated starting pitcher Guglielmo Arconii (7-0). Patenaude (7 IP, 3 R, 2 ER, 10 H, 2 K, 1 BB) was hit hard in the fourth, eventually being touched for two runs on two doubles and two singles by the heart of the Continentals order, but was able to escape further damage when he induced another double play and a ground out to Mike Calabrese who flashed a golden glove at second. “Cal certainly has the makings to make us better. We need his leather,” said Celio in his post-game press conference. Barsa singled in the fifth, Craig Perrier had a base hit in the sixth and Tom Luby worked a one-bagger in the seventh—he was injured on the play with what Cannons team physicians described as a “moderate strain of the upper sartorial muscle”—but the bats fizzled and Patenaude found himself on the wrong end of another hard-luck loss, his fourth in five starts. Patenaude (1-4) pontificated on his eighty-five pitch performance: “I didn’t have my best stuff out there in the opener but the defense played pretty well behind me, Mark [“Keyser Soze” Lynch] called a great game and we hung in there against a solid Bristol ball club. Our guys put bats on balls but we just couldn’t come up with that big hit to get our offense going. Though I’m disappointed with the loss, we’ll be in good shape over the next month if we keep playing like we did today.”

With bang that bespoke a loose left arm, “Iron Man” Patenaude yet again positioned himself on his familiar perch and pitched another excellent game for the Cannons. Bristol was able to take a first-inning lead on a single, an error and a two-out two-run base hit by Oliver Platt but Connecticut chopped the lead in half in the bottom of the first on a two-out walk and stolen base by Drew McDowell and an RBI single from Luby who, though slowed by the severe pain of his injury, continued to show signs of why he will once again be a force to be reckoned with when he and the rest of the team plays on the league’s biggest stage in August. Earlier in the day Luby even tipped a knowing wink to reporters and stated, “Win or lose, we’re on the booze,” as he ritualistically sipped his pre-game Budweiser. The Cannons jumped on top in the home half of the third on a lead-off single by Mike McGann who later scored on a clutch two-out double by the “Almighty” Luby. Barsa would reach on a fielder’s choice grounder as Luby’s courtesy runner McDowell scampered back safely to second before Bristol’s third baseman Platt could apply an inning-ending tag. Weber made sure the foible was felt by the Phoenix with his second double of the day deep down the left field line scoring McDowell to give the Cannons a 3-2 advantage. Patenaude again fought out of fixes in the fourth and fifth innings as a result of a duo of double plays and Connecticut added to the lead in the fifth as McDowell singled, moved to second on a passed ball, advanced to third on Luby’s third hit of the game—the team’s one hundredth of the season—and scored on Lynch’s sacrifice fly to provide a two-run cushion with two innings to play. Patenaude (7 IP, 5 R, 4 ER, 12 H, 2 K, 2 BB) allowed a lead-off single in the sixth but a ground ball to the slick-fielding Calabrese at short forced a fielder’s choice at second for the first out of the inning. A double to right by Dane Cook put runners at second and third with one down and hard-hitting Lord Farquarson coming to bat. With first base open Patenaude opted to pitch to Bristol’s designated hitter whom he had dazzled for much of the day with a steady diet of sliders and change-ups. However, Farquarson deposited Patenaude’s first pitch deep in the right center gap for a double and the game was knotted at 4. The Phoenix filled the bases but a line drive snag and tag of the bag by Luby at third resulted in the fifth double play of the day for the Cannons and the team had a chance to take back the lead in the home half of the sixth but Perrier, Calabrese and Celio went in order to send the game into its final frame. Patenaude (1-5) struck out the first batter he faced and got a ground out to Weber at second but as he approached the two hundred-pitch barrier he gave up back-to-back singles to Bristol’s three and four batters, Eric Roberts—who stole second—and Doug “Freddie Mercury” Riemer to give the Continentals a 5-4 lead that would prove to be the margin of victory (McGann reached on an error in the bottom of the seventh after nearly being struck by back-to-back pitches—Calabrese called McGann “Rudi Stein,” the light-hitting player who Coach Morris Buttermaker told to lean into a pitch in The Bad News Bears—but McDowell’s slicing line drive to left was snow-coned by Riemer for the final out of the game, a microcosm of Connecticut’s season to this point). As results from around the league flashed on the New Cannon Yards scoreboard it was discovered that Newington’s other team, the Capitals, had split their double header with the Winsted Rifles to move into a last-place log-jam with the Cannons (3-11). “Patenaude should be named one of the Seven Natural Wonders of the World,” marveled Manager Celio of the two hundred two-pitch performance. “How a pitcher can chuck back-to-back games of a double header at this point of the season is beyond me. He is throwing at a very high level right now and we are going to ride his left arm as long as we can. It’s not enough to earn the respect of the other teams around the league though. We have to earn MP and the team some wins before all is said and done. We’re seeing the birth of a league legend here but we can’t be satisfied with sitting back and just watching him throw himself into the history books. It’s time to take a stand and come up big.”

Abracadabra! August is all but upon us and with it the CNMSBL playoffs. The appropriate ingredients for post-season success are in abundant supply in the Cannons’ clubhouse: offense, defense and pitching are all powerful and prominent ingredients if a title is to be taken in 2007. To find the winning formula just mix liberal yet equal amounts of each and you have created the potent potion for Saturday and Sunday success, commingling and coalescing into a Cannons Championship concoction. Cannon Nation and the rest of the wizarding world wonders: Are Connecticut’s players mere Muggles or will they discover the magic that will allow them to take the ’07 CNMSBL A Division title? The answer lies ahead at Glastonbury’s Fish Bowl this Sunday as the Cannons look to cast their spell against the Marlins (Loge Box, Outfield Grandstand and Standing Room Only seats are available at 1 800 CANNONS or on-line at ctcannons.blogspot.net). Expecto Patronum, A Division!

Cannons News and Notes: With fifteen hits on Sunday the Cannons’ team average jumped from .267 to .288; free agent acquisitions McDowell and Perrier are both batting .278 through fourteen games; McDowell’s hit was his tenth of the season…he joined Maule (16) and Luby (15) as Cannons players with double-digit hits in 2007; Weber’s two doubles moved him into a third-place tie with Leo Dionicio, Luby and Perrier for the season (Maule has seven; Celio has four)…his first two-base hit was the team’s twentieth of the campaign; Web—or Wes—leads the team with 310 lifetime at-bats; McGann became the only player other than Maule to lead off a game for the Cannons in '07; Patenaude’s fourth-inning hit in Game Two was the 1111 in Cannons history; Patenaude has fanned twenty-one of the forty opponents Cannons pitchers have retired via the strike out…he lowered his team-leading ERA from 3.84 to 3.53; the five double plays turned by Connecticut were the team’s most ever for a single Sunday; the Cannons have never won an A Division game immediately following a league-mandated holiday weekend; Dionicio missed Sunday’s games with back spasms; Lynch confirmed reports that Cal’s favorite show is indeed Spongebob Squarepants; Celio, Lynch, Kevin McGann, Mike McGann and Weber attended the appropriately-named Sun-day, July 8 New Britain Rock Cats game (a 4-3 come-from-behind victory for the Cats on a sultry 98° afternoon); Cannons management has started to explore new uniform designs for the 2008 season (grey figures to be prominently featured with green, maroon, navy and blue as potential complimentary colors...Get Your GREEN On?); Three Sheets on MOJO has been named the “Official Television Program of Cannon Nation” and has signed on as a corporate sponsor; the 2007 Cannons Awards ballots will be issued on Monday, August 6.