“BEAR TRAP” GAMES
Cubs Come To Play, Cannons To Coast, Results Likely Resign Connecticut To Postseason Play-In

Newington, CT (AP)—“Cubbies Collar Cannons.” “Smoked!” “Brokeback Valley.” “Déjà Ew.” “Misfire.” “Out of Order.” “Lit Up.” “Outgunned In the Outer Reaches.” “Hook, Line, and Stinkers.” These are just some of the headlines, a rogue’s gallery of wretchedness if you will, used to announce sweeps to loyal readers and fans of the Connecticut Cannons since the team joined the CNMSBL A Division to start the 2006 season. Following the magical championship campaign of 2005, the Big Guns decided to set sights on the Big Boys and the ensuing results have been a mixed bag. Improvement is apparent nearly each an every time the team takes the diamond yet, despite this enriching effect, it is still the rare Sunday the Cannons to come to the park as the heavy favorite, for the team has spent most of the time in the so-called second division. However, this was exactly the case at New Cannon Yards in Newington over the weekend when the Eastern Connecticut Cubs (5-13) came calling. Connecticut, expecting excellence with its final four games against the league’s ninth and tenth seeds, looked to leapfrog into at least sixth place, a first weekend playoff pass, and a more enviable postseason match-up with three or more wins. Instead the litany of lost Sundays that has marred many seasons-passed once again reared its ugly head and instead of a standings surge, the Cannons regressed a step and now enter August on a three-game skid, the longest of 2009. “It’s been awhile since we’ve played this poorly,” a melancholy Manager Matt Celio mentioned as he mulled over the momentum-halting mess. “Long day and a couple of the toughest losses we’ve suffered since joining the upper division. We came out flat and I’ve got to take full responsibility for that lack of fire. We struggled at times in all facets of the game—offense, defense, pitching—and we let an inferior opponent dictate the day. The Cubs ran roughshod all over us, our first truly terrible weekend since playing the [Windsor] Mets back in early June, and this is not the time of year one wants to have red flags raised. We’re as talent-laden as any team in the league: we simply need to put all the pieces together and quickly recapture that swagger that makes us such a tough out each and every August. Sunday wasn’t everything we expected it to be but we get another whack at things next week when I count on us playing classic Cannons Baseball.”

Game One saw surprise starter Drew McDowell take the mound for the Cannons against Clement Dobrinski of the Cubs (after single relief appearances in both the ’07 and ’08 seasons, this marked McDowell’s first start in fourteen years, causing “Gentleman” Jim Yanosy to comment, “Well, at least we know he’s well-rested.”). Rest manifested itself as rust expectedly as McDowell surrendered a lead-off single to Rouge Moulin but after a pair of ground ball outs to the left side it appeared as if the righty might escape the inning unscathed. However, an error at short and a single by Augustus Busch scored two, forcing the “Ragin’ Cajun” to throw an additional twelve pitches—a continued troubling trend for a staff short on strike out pitchers—before retiring Leo Durocher on a fielder’s choice. In the home half of the first, Connecticut was able to knot the score at two as Jason Maule singled to once again set the table (this was the ninth time in fourteen games the reigning Co-Cannons Offensive Player of the Year has led off with a hit; Maule has also walked and reached on an error in this spot for an astronomical .786 OBP to start games). McDowell worked a walk and Bill “Hairway to Heaven” Balcerzak belted a double to deep centerfield, plating the pair. McDowell (1+ IP, 5 R, 4 ER, 2 H, 3 BB, 1 HBP) tired noticeably in the second frame, hitting a batter and walking two, before Celio came to get him (“I sucked plus I’m sore, so it’s not a winning combination,” “Drew Diesel” told reporters in his postgame presser). Tom Luby (1 IP, 0 R, 1 H, 1 K) bridged the gap admirably between McDowell and Tom Clark though another infield error was followed by a base hit, this time allowing three runs to cross, for a 5-2 Eastern edge. The Cubs padded their lead in the middle innings, scoring five runs, three of them earned, against Clark pushing the lead to eight but the Cannons refused to go quietly and mounted a merry-go-round of a threat in the bottom of the fifth frame. Rob DePalma entered as a pinch hitter and, with a positive plate approach, earned a lead-off base on balls. Mike “PETA” McGann and Maule followed suit with free passes to load the bases and McDowell was beaned squarely on the left elbow to bring home a run. A Luby single scored two, cutting further into the Cubs advantage and Dionicio hit a ball the opposite way for a single while Clark’s knock scored McDowell as the Cannons clawed back to a four-run deficit. However, hard-throwing right-handed relief pitcher Brian “Vision Quest” Shutt was able to slam the door, retiring Mike Weber and Steve Markie to maintain a comfortable bulge. Clark (5 IP, 6 R, 3 ER, 5 H, 1 K, 2 BB, 1 HBP) kept the Cubs in check in the sixth but was touched for an unearned run in the seventh as an overthrow allowed Busch to scamper home with Eastern’s eleventh run. Balcerzak beat out a close throw for an infield base hit in the last inning, but Jim Cook’s stellar diving stop of a Luby grounder all but destined to reach the outfield resulted in a double play and the Cubbies would quietly record the final out on a pop to second for their sixth win of the season. Assistant Manager Weber was impressed by the effort of the pitching staff but knew this was not a game to write home about: “Our pitchers were all put in tough spots, gave us everything they had, and kept us close, but those freebies from walks, errors, stolen bases, passed balls, and wild pitches will definitely come back to haunt a team. We all understand that we need to play better ball if we want to make a deep run in the postseason. We’ve got the guys to do it but everybody has to provide maximum effort at all times if a championship is in our immediate future, as I fully expect it is.”

Game Two matched Connecticut’s Yanosy against Eastern Connecticut’s Gorman “Illegal Alien” Apone in his first pitching performance in the A Division. The Cubs offense got to work early against Yanosy, making the sixth start and seventh pitching appearance of his rookie campaign, by scoring three runs on a seeing-eye single by Ford “Teeter” Harris, a base on balls by Cook, and a three-run blast to left by Jacob Dunnack to bolster an already boisterous Baby Bear bench. Left fielder McGann had a bead on the ball but told reporters, “I just ran out of real estate,” and Connecticut trailed yet again. The Cannons, playing with confidence at home even when behind, looked to come back immediately as Maule singled and McDowell hit a soft roller to the right that the speedy centerfielder clearly beat out in a bang-bang fielder’s choice at second. But field umpire Steve “Sir D**k” Wonder, apparently caught up in the moment of each and every close play favoring the Cubbies, called Maule out and a possible rally was ruined. Balcerzak followed with an infield base hit as middle infielders Cook and Harris collided violently, but “Louisiana Deceptively Fast” was gunned at third as “Teet” somehow gathered the ball from the wreckage and threw a perfect strike to Busch who applied the tag. Luby reached on an error and Dionicio singled but Connecticut was unable to break through as Weber took a cut at a high 2-1 fastball and fouled out to first on a slider away ending the inning (“My green and gold kryptonites,” said Web as he ducked back into the dugout). Eastern tacked on runs in each of the next three frames against Yanosy (4 IP, 7 R, 5 ER, 7 H, 2 K, 2 BB), and though Connecticut threatened, leaving the bases loaded again in the second and two runners on in the fourth, the team was unable to find an answer for Apone. “Adam Bomb” Pallone (1 IP, 1 R, 1 ER, 0 H, 4 BB) entered in relief with his team down a crooked number but, after getting the first two outs on fly balls to left and right, lost some of his control, walking the bases loaded and issuing a run-scoring free pass to Mathias Noheimer, pushing the score to 8-0 before inducing an unassisted ground out to Luby at third. “El Dominican Dreamboat” made the first mound appearance of his eventful Cannons career (2 IP, 1 R, 1 ER, 1 H, 1 K, 3 BB, 1 HBP), pitching the final two frames and allowing a lone run as Cook’s Cubs executed a seventh inning suicide squeeze with an eight-run advantage (Dionicio then plunked Shutt in the back in retaliation). Though the Cannons were again able to put themselves in scoring situations in the fifth, sixth, and seventh, the team was unable to plate a run and was shutout for just the second time this season (a 2-0 loss to the Suffield Irish on the last day of May). “A major missed opportunity,” said Celio as he discussed the losses. “Now it’s very likely we’ll see the Cubs again come early August. Clearly not our best performance of the season but I expect our guys to remember these games: people talking trash and whooping it up at our expense, opposing players taking pictures during the contest, and an exclamation mark squeeze play that did nothing but add insult to injury. I never want us in a war of words and I’m not going to use umpires as an excuse; that’s just not Connecticut Cannons Baseball in my opinion. I like our play to speak for itself, and speak volumes at that, and we’d all love to add a championship chapter to our storied history. The Cubs played about as well as they could and, when combined with the fact that the Cannons played about as poorly as we could, it’s unsurprising they came in and kicked our butts today. We’re a better ballclub than we showed out there so hopefully we can take some positives, like getting certain pieces of our playoff roster in order and having guys give everything they’ve got for the good of the team, away from this. We truly have talent, all that we need to win the A Division title in 2009 in fact, but we have to play a better brand of baseball, minimize mistakes and maximize opportunities, before our potential can play itself out. If we do this, the Cannons will without question be a tough out to wrap up the regular season and, even more importantly, come tournament time in a couple of weekends.”

By simple definition, trap games are those where a team looks past a mediocre-to-poor opponent with sights set on future successes, in this instance perhaps a pair against the cross-town rival Capitals and a possible bye week come playoff time. In these cases, the team in question may not be as focused or prepared as it should be and that certainly seems to have been the case at New Cannon Yards on Sunday. All involved with the Cannons hope this was a mirage, a minor misstep before the second season starts. August is all but upon us and the eighth month brings optimism and often incredible results for the Connecticut Cannons and the frenzied fan base known as Cannon Nation is counting on that being case again this year. What is the caliber of this team? Does it have the necessary firepower to compete for and ultimately capture the CNMSBL’s Clarke-Clinton Trophy in 2009? Sunday marks the final step in the twenty-game regular season journey but is hopefully just the beginning of an amazing August for the Boys in Blue. It has to start somewhere. It has to start sometime. What better place than here? What better time than now? Is everything plays out according to plan, all hell won’t be able to stop the Cannons now. Championship or bust!

Cannons News and Notes: The Cannons take on the Capitals (1-15, tenth place), in the regular season finale and annual “Battle of Newington” at New Cannon Yards on Sunday, August 2…the final games on this season-ending ten-game homestand are sold out; Connecticut stayed stuck tied for its all-time A Division best seven–win total from last season and looks to master that mark on the season’s final Sunday; the Cannons dropped their third season series (Eastern Connecticut, Hartford, Windsor); the Cannons’ batting averaged rose slightly to .285 through nine Sundays, a sign the team might be getting hot at the right time yet again (the overall opponents’ average dipped from .278 to .276)…Connecticut has 142 total hits while the opposition has 137…the next at-bat will be the team’s 500th of the season…the Cannons have been outscored 107 to 93; Balcerzak, Chris Barsa, Clark, DePalma, Dionicio, Luby, Maule, McDowell, McGann, Patenaude, Kevin Quinn, Josh Svoboda, Weber, and Yanosy have all played in eight or more games for the Cannons this season, achieving postseason eligibility (Celio [2], Markie [1], and Pallone [2] can join their teammates by competing in the games against the Caps…Juan Checo, though eligible for the CNMSBL postseason, has joined a softball league in the Springfield, MA area…’09 roster invitees Andy Borst and Drew Clarke failed to play in a single game and, therefore, are ineligible); McGann and Quinn (9 hits apiece) and Barsa and Clark (8) look to join Balcerzak (25), Maule (23…14 doubles), Dionicio (18), Luby (14), and McDowell (11) as Cannons to reach the ’09 double-digit hit plateau; Maule (.511), Balcerzak (.439), Dionicio (.367), McDowell (.314), and Barsa (.308) are the five Cannon hitters currently with batting averages above .300 on the season (seven Cannons are presently under the Mendoza Line…P Patenaude has not had a plate appearance); McDowell mistakenly stepped to the plate with a weighted bat and a game ball tucked under his chin…“It’s not the first time he’s had balls on his chin,” joked Dionicio (“Señor Cinco” also told any and all interested parties—meaning nobody—repeatedly, “I’m Rick James!”); after “El Heartthrob de Hispaniola” committed his fourth error on the day (a dropped pop fly that Dionicio claims no white player would have even gotten a glove on), son Brian said shame-faced, “My Dad sucks.” (Weber said the team went to the “Mouth From the South” in relief for one reason only: “He’s likely to make fewer errors on the mound.”)…Dionicio’s eldest offspring also added during Celio’s Game Two at-bat: “Is that the coach? He actually gets to play?”; DePalma once again hosted teammates after the games…Celio, Dionicio, Luby, and Weber joined “Hairy” at his New Britain home; Dionicio delighted teammates after the games by telling them, “This is all an act, I Dominican down for the weekends. I am the boss of twenty-plus Blanquitos from Monday through Friday, hardly have an accent, and have often served as a keynote speaker at Travelers training seminars.”…somebody please post video of this on YouTube!; Beantown Bombshell: McGann discovered on a road trip to Boston with teammate Barsa that on at least one occasion “T-Rex” has passed his phone number to his waitress on the bill in numbers big enough for his date to see…also, it was learned that “The Terrorist” is a “drink counter” (i.e., he keeps track of the number of cocktails consumed by his companions for financial and sexual purposes); The Continental: like Christopher Walken’s ever-so-suave ladies man from the popular Saturday Night Live skit, DePalma confided in Celio that he has consummated relationships in the Biblical sense with women linked by blood to five of the Earth’s seven continents (he has not yet nailed an Australian and Antarctica has no permanent population, though he does find penguins fascinating and sexy); Umpire Jason Rentas accounted for an unlikely daily double, working both ends of the double dip behind the dish (Dionicio joked with the all-Latino crew and non-Caucasian Cubs battery, “There are four illegal immigrants here. Billy [Balcerzak is an INS agent], I’ll give these guys up immediately if I can get my green card.”)…Rentas must have believed Quest Tec was in place, as his tiny strike zone consistently confounded Cannons pitchers…as a result, McDowell’s ERA ballooned from 28.00 to 31.50; C & C Movie Factory: Celio and Clark are collaborating on a screenplay loosely based on Clark’s experiences growing up as a ballplayer in the 70’s: “It’s our Good Will Hunting,” promised the pitcher…“As long as I’m Matt Damon,” said Celio; Clark told teammates that there are many known opium dens out in Eastern’s neck of the woods: “I’m not surprised these guys play the games like an AA support group.”; McGann takes the Praxis I exam today at 2:00 p.m. in Glastonbury: “Fifth times a charm,” lamented the “Mayor of Manville”…Celio once again tried to make a love connection for his Cannon compadre McGann but instead was forced to witness the carnage firsthand as the “Smooth Operator’s” shortcomings were on full display: 1) told blonde beauty, the lovely Liz, she has man hands and clown feet; 2) constantly and annoyingly pawed the hair and neck of his blind date on a sultry summer afternoon and evening, telling her in coy double entendre, “You’re so wet.”; 3) spoke of other ladies he’s loved, including a Bollywood dancer named Seema…“Not an American Indian, but no dot either.”; 4) answered “Green” when asked his lucky number; and 5) promised to cook the young lady the dinner of her choice, promising “Anything you want.” When a high protein meat-lovers meal was requested, McGann replied, “Oh, I’m not making that. I’m famous for my meatloaf turkey—not the other way around—and seafood medley.” (Celio and McGann closed out the evening watching Die Hard and “John McLame” went home alone and used his Hans on his Gruber); it’s August this weekend: a reminder The Elbow Room, Plan B, and The Spigot, are now joined by Cocoa Kitchen and Bar as official sponsors of the 2009 Connecticut Cannons playoffs; the team has twenty-four tickets for a luxury box at Dodd Stadium in Norwich for a contest between the Akron Aeros and Connecticut Defenders on Thursday, August 13; Celio will put on a post-game party following the games against the cross-town rival Newington Capitals on Sunday…the Manager is also exploring possible August dates for Italian-Fest ’09; in less than one week (Monday, August 3) players will be in possession of their ballots for the 2009 Cannons Awards (polls will remain open until 11:59 p.m. on Friday, August 7)…Choose or Lose!

7/26 Studs: Balcerzak (4 for 8, 2B, 2 RBI); Clark (2 for 6, RBI; 5 IP, 1 K giving the Cannons a fighting chance in the opener); DePalma (1 for 1, BB, R); Luby (2 H, BB, 2 RBI; 1 IP, 0 R, 1 K); Maule (3 for 5, 2B, 3 BB, 2 R, SB, outfield assist to cut a runner down at the dish); McDowell (2 BB, HBP in Game One)

7/26 Duds: an inconsistent Cannons offense (20 runners left on base, leaving the bases loaded three times in fourteen frames; shout out in Game Two) and defense (9 errors leading to six unearned runs)