CAPITAL WON
Cannons Crush Caps In Battle of Newington

Newington, CT (AP)— What’s in your dugout? A whole lot and not nearly enough were the answers to that question on this first weekend of August—a month that has proven magical on many occasion for Connecticut’s Team—as the Cannons took on the cross town rival Capitals in the fourth edition of what has come to be known as the “Battle of Newington,” a perennial paean to big market baseball in central Connecticut’s leading media market. The Cannons entered the final Sunday of the CNMSBL A Division’s regular season playing what Manager Matt Celio referred to as “must-win games”—“For our seeding purposes and our psyche,” following a duo of difficult defeats at the hands of the ninth seeded Eastern Connecticut Cubs last Sunday—and emerged victorious not once but twice, 12-4 and 15-2 via the mercy rule, on the backs of an offensive onslaught and potent pitching performances, emphatically ending a season-worst three-game slide with a Wild Card series at home against the Baby Bears looming this Saturday.

Game One saw the return of starter Mike Patenaude after a one-week layoff in a mismatch against Mike “Fish” Karp. After a brief fifteen minute delay during which the Caps scrambled to find a ninth player, Patenaude, pitching with increased confidence as battery-mate Kevin Quinn returned from a month-long absence, was touched for an unearned run in the first as Colwyn Krol reached on an error and eventually scored on Tony Malinosky’s ground out to short for a brief one-run advantage for the visitors. Chomping at the proverbial bit, Connecticut clicked offensively as Jason Maule walked, Leo Dionicio singled, and Bill Balcerzak doubled both home before Newington could record an out. Celio’s single scored “Billy Bush” later in the frame and the Cannons took the field with a 3-1 lead, one they would never relinquish. Patenaude set down the Caps in order in the second and the home team poured in four more runs as Chris Barsa coasted into second with a double, Kevin Quinn singled and stole second (Barsa, who had moved up ninety feet on the hit, scampered home for his team-leading second theft of the dish), Maule walked for the second time in as many innings, Dionicio added another base hit, and Balcerzak chipped in with a run-scoring fielder’s choice (like “T-Rex,” Quinn and Dionicio scored in the inning without the aid of a hit, making the score 7-1). Patenaude, working on a new off-speed pitch, allowed three runs in the third as Robert “I Am the Cheese” Cormier had a base hit, Champ Cristilli was hit by a pitch, Al Czervik poked an RBI knock, and Dave Sacco placed a seeing-eye single just out of reach of Dionicio at second with two down to cut the Cannons lead to 3, but the Cannons added an insurance run in the third as Josh Svoboda doubled and scored on a Mike McGann single, and three more in the fourth as McDowell and Tom Clark walked, Celio blooped a run-scoring single just out of reach of Cormier at short, and Svoboda, Barsa, and Quinn followed with bases on balls (Clark and Celio both rambled home on passed balls pushing the lead to 11-4 as Cristilli “used the ball as a pillow,” laying on McGann’s grounder up the middle to escape any further harm a la Mike Weber in the famous “grenade incident” of ‘05). After his twenty-eight pitch performance in the third, Patenaude (7 IP, 4 R, 3 ER, 5 H, 1 BB, 1 HBP, 7 K) faced just fourteen batters over the final four frames—a Balcerzak to Quinn play at the plate was the highlight—throwing forty-four pitches to land squarely on the century mark. The pitcher helped his own cause in the sixth, singling in his only regular season at-bat and scoring on Quinn’s base hit for the final tally in a 12-4 contest. “It’s great to get a win without the end result ever really being in doubt,” said the fifty-three year old lefty of the Cannons’ performance. “The team came to play today and twelve runs makes a pitcher’s job easy. Hopefully the guys can get even more in Game Two.” The offense would oblige.

Game Two pitted Quinn against Czervik and Connecticut’s well-rested righty was instantly up to the task, striking out the first two batters he faced while Jim Yanosy made a nice running grab on the left field line to end the inning (before leaving the park, Patenaude deadpanned, “I’ll go into early retirement if Quinn strikes out the side.” Barsa immediately expressed his wishes, “Please strike this third guy out,” while Celio uttered under his breath, “I wouldn’t necessarily call that retirement early.”). The Cannons then hung another early three-spot on the Capitals in the home half of the first as Maule doubled, Dionicio had a RBI single (he would later score on a passed ball), McDowell walked, stole second, and eventually scored through the back door as Svoboda punched a pitch to the right side. Quinn made quick work of the Caps in the second, allowing only a two-out walk to Sacco, and the Cannons were back at it, scoring six runs in the inning while sending ten batters to the plate. Quinn started things with a base hit, Adam Pallone took a base on balls, Rob DePalma dropped a run-singled on the outfield grass, and Yanosy walked to re-load the bases. Pallone scored as a ball squirted away from Texas native and wanna be Cannon Muney “4” Spendlin (Sacco said of the Game Two catcher, “The guy throws like he’s missing fingers.”). A one-run Maule single, a two-run Dionicio double, and a sacrifice fly by McDowell put Connecticut on top nine nothing after two, and the team was clearly thinking mercy rule as clouds closed in on New Cannon Yards. Newington scored an unearned run in the third as Celio failed to scoop a low Svoboda throw but more Cannons’ offense in the bottom of the frame made what was already a laugher into a gut-buster. Ten more batters stepped into the box against a visibly laboring Czervik as Quinn once again started the rally, this time taking a hit by pitch. Pallone and DePalma both worked their way on via walks and Yanosy hit a ball in the hole at short that failed to net a throw for a RBI. Maule singled scoring Pallone, Clark (as a courtesy runner for DePalma) scored on a passed ball, Dionicio ripped a run-scoring single, and Balcerzak reached on an error plating Maule with the fourteenth Cannons run. Quinn (4 IP, 1 R, 0 ER, 4 H, 1 BB, 6 K) allowed a single in the fourth before striking out the final two batters he faced, a perfect complimentary bookend to the start of the game. Connecticut added its final run of the contest as Clark doubled and scored on a Pallone sacrifice fly to make the score 15-1. Barsa (1 IP, 1 R, 0 ER, 0H, 2 BB), in his first ever A Division pitching performance, entered with battery-mate Dionicio, giving up only an unearned run when Celio squandered another scoop opportunity from Svoboda (“They don’t make a glove big enough for Celio,” joked McGann after the game) but the outcome was a forgone conclusion at that point and a ground ball back to the mound put the finishing touches on the most lopsided win in Cannons history at the upper level. “We have the potential to be the best the CNMSBL A Division has to offer which is what our players and fans have expected since Opening Day back in April,” Celio stated to members of the media. “We’re starting to come together in all phases of the game and we showed what kind of team we can be: we got solid contributions from everybody out there today and that is what has made us successful in the past and will be the key to a long postseason run over the next four weekends. We’re playing with the consistency and confidence that has been a trademark of Cannons Baseball over the past few seasons, especially at this time of year. I’m extremely excited about our prospects in the upcoming playoffs.”

Give the Caps credit: they still show up, lace up, and step up, even as fans and foes alike throw up at their pathetically paltry 1-21 mark. But this nearly bankrupt ballclub is not up to the challenge offered by the Cannons or any of their other A Division opponents. The Battle of Newington resoundingly fell in the Cannons favor but the biggest battles of the 2009 CNMSBL’s season-long war are visible on the sun-hazed horizon. The Connecticut Cannons are clearly loaded—not only as a result of post-game partying—and it seems a fire has finally been set to the fuse as the eighth month officially gets under way. The time for this team to explode on the rest of the A Division is now. Every eye in the baseball world will be focused on Newington, the Connecticut Cannons, and their upcoming quest for immortality this weekend. Does this team have not only the firepower but the intestinal (and testicular) fortitude to compete for and ultimately capture the CNMSBL Championship and the highly-coveted Clarke-Clinton Trophy in 2009? If Sunday was any indication, then the answer is a resounding YES! An opening round rematch against the ninth-seeded Eastern Connecticut Cubs, 7-15 and owners of a season series sweep against the Cannons on July 26, this Saturday (10:00 a.m.) marks the beginning of what should be an epic journey on the road to greatness. Talk is cheep: a statement needs to be made, payback is going to be a b***h, and the payment will undoubtedly be made in full! “Let’s shove it up their a***s,” Weber whooped on his weekly radio call-in program, Worldwide Web. Tickets for the first and second games on what sports fans call the CNMSBL’s Super Saturday are already sold out. If you’re lucky enough to have a set, pick up your balls and load up your Cannons for a twenty-one gun salute. For those about to rock the A Division playoffs, we salute you. Ready! AIM! FIRE! Let the hunt for BLUE August begin.

Cannons News and Notes: Bulletin board material: Eastern Connecticut Matt Cook wondered aloud to Celio as the Managers exchanged Game Two line-ups, “Where’s your cute, little blonde lefty?” in reference to an absent Patenaude; for the second consecutive campaign Connecticut crushed its all-time A Division best win total, notching its ninth regular season win on Sunday…the team’s 5-5 mark at New Cannon Yards is the best in three seasons at the facility; the Cannons took the season series from the Capitals for the third season in a row, a string of six straight victories (on the season, Connecticut won series from Bristol and Newington, split with Suffield and Winsted, and lost series to Eastern Connecticut, Hartford, and Windsor); Celio used a red Cannons Baseball pencil for the first time this season and it was a lucky thing he sharpened it before the game as the team exploded for 27 runs on 22 hits…as a result, the Cannons’ batting averaged rose significantly to an even .300 (five percentage points higher than last season’s A Division-best) to close out the regular season, a sign the team is heating up at the right time yet again (the overall opponents’ average dipped eight points to a pedestrian .268)…Connecticut has 165 total hits—30 more than last season—while the opposition has just 146…Dionicio had the 500th at-bat of the season, a Game One first inning single (one of six hits on the day for “El Dominican Dreamboat”)…the Cannons were outscored slightly on the regular season 113 to 107; Iron Man: Balcerzak became the first Cannon in two seasons to play in all of the team’s games; Celio and Pallone each played in his eighth game of the campaign on Sunday, joining Balcerzak, Barsa, Clark, DePalma, Dionicio, Tom Luby, Maule, McDowell, McGann, Patenaude, Quinn, Svoboda, Weber, and Yanosy in 2009 postseason eligibility; McGann (10 hits) and Quinn (12) entered the exclusive double-digit hit club on Sunday, coupled with Balcerzak (26), Maule (26…15 doubles), Dionicio (24), Luby (14), and McDowell (11) as Cannons to reach the ten-hit plateau; Patenaude (1.000), Maule (.520), Dionicio (.429), Balcerzak (.413), Quinn (.343), Celio (.333), and Barsa (.310) are the seven Cannon hitters currently with batting averages above .300 on the season (five Cannons are presently under the Mendoza Line); Maule led the team in seven of thirteen offensive statistical categories (doubles, runs, batting average, on-base percentage, slugging percentage, on-base + slugging percentage, and was tied for the lead in hits…the speedy centerfielder leads in eleven all-time A Division categories and is second in at-bats [190] to Dionicio [192])…Balcerzak was a leader in four categories (home runs, runs batted in, at-bats, and tied Maule in hits)…Celio’s 28 hits in the inaugural 2001 campaign are still a single-season high; Barsa’s triple against Bristol was the team’s only three-bagger of the campaign; McDowell’s 12 walks/hit by pitches were good for the team lead (he was the only player to reach double digits); Celio and Patenaude were the only players with a plate appearance who did not strike out on the season; Patenaude’s 5 wins on the season are a team A Division-best (“The Old Man of the ‘C’” is 24-28 in his regular season career with the Cannons)…the lefty posted a team-best 2:1 strike out to walk ratio; Quinn’s led the team on the season with an impressive 1.87 ERA; in passing the plate on Sunday, Celio took over the team’s all-time lead in runs scored (74), breaking a tie with “Father of Cannons Baseball” Andy Borst (the two original Cannons share the team mark with 43 free passes apiece); Maule’s 15 ’09 doubles give him 33 on his career, passing Celio and Luby for the team record (Celio and Luby are still one and two on the Cannons’ hit list with 132 and 129 respectively)…the centerfielder played in seventeen games and scored a first inning run in twelve of them, including nine of ten at home; Luby’s 11 homers and 90 RBI are both team bests; Weber’s 389 at-bats are the most ever for a Cannon; after his fourth strike out—one as he dropped his elbow into the strike zone…for the second time on Sunday and third time in two weeks—against inferior pitching, McDowell took off his shirt, stating simply, “I’m out.”…teammates told the “Ragin’ Cajun” that he was “Pulling a Checo,” a reference to the released rookie’s antics against Windsor; Brokeback Bally: in more dugout high jinx, Dionicio and Pallone discussed weird workouts as Clark chirped, “What, like guys spotting you with their balls in your mouth?”…Dionicio reflected and responded, “That actually happened to me. I was putting up 225 and the dude squatted right over my face. I cancelled my membership that afternoon…after doing several more sets. I’m just a gay magnet. If I was only half as lucky with the ladies, I’d be all set.”; former Cannon Drew Clarke started five games on the mound for the pitching-starved Capitals after his May release; Umpire Tom Garro is still under the incorrect assumption that Celio and Weber—this should be a major tip-off—are brothers, to which Weber offered the following witticism: “Brothers? We’re white.” (the gregarious Garro also recycled his boring Barsa bit—“Barsa’s got two strikes on him when he steps into the box,” et al—which is about as fresh as the Twinkee John McClane fired down in Die Hard circa 1988…the second mention of the Bruce Willis vehicle in as many weekends); on Sunday, Svoboda informed members of the media of his engagement…congrats Josh!; Celio hosted teammates in a regular season wrap-up after the games…Barsa, Balcerzak, Clark, DePalma, Dionicio, McGann, and Weber joined the Manager in West Hartford at Cannons World Headquarters; the ever-up front DePalma, perhaps most notably known for his inability to shoot his guy goo, showed teammates a picture of his forty year old female friend…Balcerzak took one look at the photo of the buxom blonde and said simply, “Hey Rob, I just shot right now.”; Clark, nostalgic for the past, tuned in to Scooby-Doo—“the one where Velma loses her glasses”—as Celio and McGann discussed his bombed blind date from the previous Monday (“Marty McFly” McGann hopes to purchase a DeLorean and outfit it with a Flux Capacitor in order to experience a Back to the Future-esque do-over of last Monday’s drunken debacle of a date…“I’m cute in a cute way,” said the Cannons double lead-off); Barsa and DePalma offered up ideas for the newest Cannons game show, with the two teammates joining McGann in a Dating Game-style scenario, competing for the affections of ladies from around the state (Clark’s response to the pitch: “Barsa, you have a good job. Go get a hooker, f**k a slut, leave ‘em happy. Don’t involve your friends. Leave us alone! You’re want what we married guys have but you only want to pay for one night out. I’m paying for the ring, the house, the kids, you name it.”)…in Boston last weekend, “C.W. Post” Barsa, a new nickname for the “serial” dater, attempted to set McGann up…with his own date…McGann’s three word rebuttal: “Barsa’s a douche.” (“Man on Fire” Clark, consuming a quadruple Red Bull and vodka, continued, “McGann’s a momma’s boy. Barsa’s a male slut. Pick your poison ladies: ten overly-involved family members versus ten venereal diseases,” and punched McGann in his package, twice, as “PETA” pulled the pop-tops on his beers)…instead of celebrating with teammates, McGann spent several hours locked in Celio’s bedroom accessing his all-important Facebook account…Clark’s response to the evening event’s: “Thanks for getting me cocked up and full of food. Hope I didn’t step on too many toes. I can be a dick…I guess it’s a gift!”; Patenaude, not known as a partier, e-mailed World Headquarters with the following bit of Irish wisdom: “Keep the beer flowing…it’s the only thing that brings hope.”; former Cannon and current Boston Brave Craig Perrier is batting .500 (20 for 40) and is currently in the top five in batting average in his MA league; it’s officially August: a reminder The Elbow Room, Plan B, and The Spigot, are now joined by Cocoa Kitchen and Bar as official sponsors of the 2009 Connecticut Cannons playoffs and a Friday evening fan fest is in the works; the team has twenty-four tickets for a luxury box at Dodd Stadium in Norwich for a contest between the Akron Aeros and Connecticut Defenders on Thursday, August 13; ballots for the 2009 Cannons Awards were issued to voters early Monday morning (2:45 a.m.)…polls are currently open—four full ballots have already been cast—and will remain so until 11:59 p.m. on Friday, August 7…Choose or Lose!

8/2 Studs: Dionicio (6 for 7, 2B, 4 R, 4 RBI, 2 SB); Maule (3 for 5, 2B, 2 BB, 5 R, 2 RBI, SB); Patenaude (1 for 1, R; 7 IP, 3 ER, 5 H, 7 K, CG, W); Quinn (3 for 4, 2 BB, HBP, 3 R, RBI; 4 IP, 0 ER, 4 H, 6 K, W)

8/2 Duds: the Newington Capitals (1-21; .045 winning percentage in ‘09)