FAMINE TO FEAST
Cannons Sticks Smoke Late, Salvage Split With Spuds As Patenaude Throws Thirteen

Suffield, CT (AP)—The Great Famine, or Great Hunger, was a period of starvation, disease, and mass emigration that occurred in Ireland from 1845 to 1849 when the country’s potato crop almost completely failed in successive years as a result of late blight, a disease that destroys both the leaves and edible roots, or tubers, of the potato plant. The Irish Potato Famine was the worst food shortage to occur in Europe in the 19th century, reducing the population of the Emerald Isle by twenty to twenty-five percent (estimates place the loss of human life at more than one million with an equal number leaving the country to pursue a better existence elsewhere; by the time the nation achieved independence in 1921, its population was barely half of what it had been in the early 1840s), and was the watershed in the history of Ireland, permanently changing the island’s demographic, cultural, and political landscape as the British government’s grudging and ineffective measures to relieve the famine’s distress intensified the resentment of royal rule among the Irish people. In fact, the hardships experienced during the famine not only became a rallying point for many nationalist movements but entered folk lore as well. With a grand total of zero A Division championships in Connecticut North Men’s Senior Baseball League (CNMSBL) play, the Connecticut Cannons too have failed in successive years, a baseball blight of dizzying degrees, necessitating a change in the culture of Cannon Nation. With offensive upgrades galore, the Cannons expected to feast on opposing pitching with top-to-bottom production yet at times the mashing has not materialized. Instead it has been the team’s impressive array of arms that have kept the Big Guns in games and it is these that are most responsible for Connecticut’s best start (4-4) since joining the A Division in 2006. Suffield, “a gracious town with a rural flavor in a suburban setting that maintains a delicate balance between its colonial roots and today’s modern lifestyle,” was the site of Sunday’s double dip, the first-ever meeting between the Cannons and Irish, both former B Division champs. After a near month-long layoff, Connecticut’s bats were not a bumper crop early on as it took the team ten innings to push a run across. Rather it was the much-lauded left arm of fifty-three year old Mike Patenaude that limited the Leprechauns to just two runs in thirteen thrilling innings of work, securing the regular season split.

“What words can I use to describe Mike Patenaude?” Cannons Manager Matt Celio said as he spoke with reporters during his post-game press conference. “Brilliant. The Picasso of pitching. The Mozart of the mound. This guy is a bona fide number one starter on par with any pitcher in the league and his numbers fully support this statement as fact (27.2 IP, 20 H, 7 R, 4 ER, 4 BB, 11 K, 0.87 WHIP, .185 BAA, 1.01 ERA). It may sound repetitive week after week, but with the way he’s throwing right now, perhaps better than he has at any point in his illustrious Cannons career with his current command, all it will take is a couple of runs for us to come out on top. A shutout is the only way to stop him as we unfortunately found out today. As big as MP has been for us to this point of the season, we expect him to be even more important in August so we don’t want to make a habit of pitching him for two complete games. Being the competitor that he is, Mike demanded the ball today and refused to let us lose Game Two. We are coming together as a team—[Tom] Luby hit the ball hard and is rounding into regular form, [Jason] Maule swung a solid stick and looked like himself again after a leg injury in early May, [Drew] McDowell has been an offensive force, [Leo] Dionicio and [Chris] Barsa have played solid ball—and I stand by my assessment that the Connecticut Cannons have the potential to be the best the CNMSBL A Division has to offer. With a weekly schedule, more defensive reps and at-bats, we should start seeing guys playing to their full potential on a team-wide basis. Good news for us. Bad news for the rest of the league.”

Game One pitted Patenaude against Paul “Mafioso” Mandriola, who entered the 2009 campaign with a commanding 9-1 record in CNMSBL play and has been almost single-handedly responsible for keeping the Irish afloat early this season. From the get-go the Cannons put good wood on the heavy ball of Mandriola but most were belted right at Suf-fielders. Connecticut put a runner in scoring position in each of the first three innings but in every instance the Irish were able to fight their way out of the jam. Paul Winiarski led off the home half of the third with what appeared to be a harmless fly ball to right field for the Pots O’ Gold. However, a brutal breeze blew the ball away from Josh Svoboda and a routine out on any other day turned into a lead-off double. A pop-up by tenth batter Steve Mezzetti was misplayed by Bill Balcerzak at short putting runner on first and second with nobody out, then top batter John “Poontang” Boozang attempted to bunt the runners over and though Patenaude fielded the ball cleanly, his throw to third was just late as Winiarski slid in safely. Mike “Boomer” Scott worked a one-out walk, pushing the games first run across and Joe “Pa” Parlante followed with a sacrifice fly to center to extend Big Green’s lead to 2-0. The Cannons would quietly threaten in the fifth as McDowell doubled and the seventh when Dionicio singled and stole second but the big blast just wasn’t there for Connecticut and the team was held scoreless for the first time in 2009. “Louisiana Deceptively Fast” McDowell spoke briefly after the contest: “Patenaude (6 IP, 2 R, 1 ER, 4 H, 3 K, 1 BB) clearly pitched well enough to win. We hit the ball hard but had little luck finding that hole when we needed to and no runs is never going to be enough. Sometimes games that start that way stay that way. A bounce or two here or there and we might be looking at a different outcome. I look forward to getting back out there and giving our batters another whack.”

After tossing just seventy-seven pitches, Patenaude offered to take the mound once again as the Cannons were forced to shorten their rotation with the possible defection of Drew Clarke to the Newington Capitals and a shoulder injury to 2008 Patenaude Pitching Award winner Tom Clark. Despite several at-bats against the left-hander, Patenaude was no easier to figure out for the Irish and this time the offense was able to provide the runs that were missing in Game One. In the third, Barsa blooped a single over Scott at shortstop to lead things off but after two more batters “T-Rex” was still stranded at first with two down as Maule stepped into the batter’s box. Barsa, not known for his speed, swiped second to get himself in scoring position and the league’s most feared hitter did what he does best by belting a ball into deep centerfield for the game’s first run, the fifth time in seven games the Cannons jumped ahead of the competition. Meanwhile, after a first inning single by Justin “Ike” Eisenhaure and an infield error, Patenaude, who only planned to stay an inning or two, set down eleven consecutive batters on just twenty-five pitches, twenty-one of which staggeringly were strikes, with the help of some solid defense including a diving play by Clark in left. In the top of the fifth, Connecticut added an insurance run on back-to-back doubles by Juan Checo and McDowell to push the advantage to two against starter Greg “Cross Your Heart” Brasile. An infield single and an advance on an error for Scott put a runner in scoring position in the bottom of the frame but Patenaude and Barsa took care of things on a pop, an unassisted tag at the bag, and a flip to first to escape any harm. In the visitors half of the seventh, and with the clock ticking until Patenaude’s departure, the lumber awoke from its slumber and the Cannons were able to plate three runs as Luby singled sharply (Dionicio stole second as the courtesy runner as Lubes still works into game shape after off-season back surgery), Clark took a base on balls, Balcerzak blasted a run-scoring base hit, and McDowell ripped a one-out double to score two, providing a comfortable five-run cushion. Patenaude (7 IP, 0 R, 4 H, 2 K, 0 BB) allowed a lead-off double “Mighty” Casey Brown who advanced to third an on errant throw that had him dead to rights at second. After a strike, Winiarski hit a fly ball to deep center that Maule lined up perfectly and his one-hop throw home beat the stumbling, bumbling Brown by a good three steps and Patenaude got a ground ball to Adam Pallone, in his first action of ’09, at second on his seventy-second pitch for the final out and a much-needed split.

From sham-shocked to sham-rocked, the Cannons hunger for success was insatiable against the Fighting Irish—and really, is there any other kind?—and eventually the team felt that sense of satisfaction that only comes from Sunday success in the CNMSBL A Division. Sham-wow and the time is sham-now: These Connecticut Cannons are right in the thick of things, tied for fourth place as the calendar turns from May to June. Perhaps this win will prove to be the rallying point upon which all future team success will be built, and any semblance of famine will fade from memory as the Cannons feast all the way until the end of August when they raise the Clarke-Clinton trophy as league champions. Assistant Manager Weber proclaimed on his weekly call-in radio program Worldwide Web: “We’re showing signs of becoming the team we know we can be. It feels good to come out of a long lay-off and get another road victory against a solid ball club. We’ve put together a good product but there is still a lot of baseball to be played and I’m sure a May victory won’t be the biggest of the season for this team. Spring wins are important, but ‘Ws’ in late summer are what we’re after.” The digestive juices are definitely flowing in Newington as the Cannons look to take a bite out of the other nine teams in the A Division. Blight has turned to fight and this team has plenty of ap-peel for the die-hard fans of Cannon Nation. It won’t take the luck of the Irish or a four-leaf clover for Connecticut to keep its “eyes” on the prize as long as the team ERA is south of three (2.57 through eight contests) and Patenaude pitches gems (an emerald as it were…on a green diamond).

Cannons News and Notes: The Cannons take on the A Division’s other new entry, the Windsor Mets (5-3 after a Sunday sweep of the Torr-Winchester Rifles), at Sage Park Middle School on Sunday, June 7…Standing Room Only seats remain for this first-ever match-up between the two teams and are available via phone (1 800-CANNONS) or internet (ctcannons.blogspot.com)…Celio’s first teaching job was at Sage Park as a sixth grade Social Studies teacher…Celio and wife Audra celebrated their thirteenth wedding anniversary on Sunday (current Cannons Andy Borst, Steve Markie, McDowell, Mike McGann, and Weber were all on the guest list); Connecticut was 3-1 in May after posting a 3-7 record in the fifth month from 2006-2008; the Cannons are batting .279 through four weekends (opponents are averaging just .226 with fourteen fewer hits); Maule had the team’s fiftieth hit of the season, a third inning double in Game One (he leads the Cannons with five two-baggers on the young campaign); Patenaude’s advice for his teammates on offense: “It’s just like sex: Let’s go up to the plate and hit the holes.”; the Irish are one of two teams in the A Division whose mascot does not end in the letter “s” (the Glastonbury G-Men are the others); the Cannons broke four bats—all of them made by Mizuno—on Sunday, including Checo snapping off two in a single at-bat; Balcerzak has a Beauty and the Beast umbrella, from the Broadway show instead of the movie, in his car that he busted out as the team shared celebratory brews after the victory; Balcerzak, Clark, Checo, Luby, and Kevin Quinn have each played in eight games for the Cannons this season; Quinn was almost hit by a car on Saturday evening…the volatile Cannons catcher claims he stuck his head in the driver’s side window of the vehicle and asked the driver, “What the f**k are you doing?”; Celio, Dionicio, McGann, and Jim Yanosy have been spotted by paparazzi at St. Thomas the Apostle Church in West Hartford on Saturdays and Sundays…when the Manager questioned “El Heartthrob de Hispaniola” about discrepancies between the amount collected and that counted by the Blanquitos on a weekly basis, the sometime basket bearer Dionicio responded simply: “How do you think I paid my Cannons fees?”; League President Andy “Breakfast Club” Clarke (nicknamed for the Emilio Estevez character of the same name in the seminal 80s film) asked for and was given his unconditional release by management, saying he “wouldn’t be of much help to the [Cannons] and would be better served spending Sunday’s with family”…Dave Sacco, Manager of the pitching-depleted Newington Capitals, contacted Celio on Saturday about acquiring Clarke, setting up a possible head-to-head confrontation on the regular season’s final Sunday: “I’m really desperate for pitching with the little I have. I know Drew was on your roster and I don’t think he’s active anymore. I’ve got to have somebody eat some innings and I wanted to run it by you first”…Celio was willing to talk trade and immediately contacted Winsted’s Paul Graves about the sportsmanship behind all players dropping bunts against the rotund right-hander…some members of the Suffield team must have graduated from the Graves Academy of Hitting as Brown faked a bunt against Patenaude in the final frame (“Digger” earned notorious notoriety in last season’s elimination game as he leaned precariously over the plate in the seventh to start the Rifles’ fateful rally); “Clown Prince” Luby, known as much for his 10:00 a.m. arrivals as his home runs, responded to Celio’s e-mail about the field change from Windsor Locks High to Suffield Academy, and its grass-covered base paths, with the following: “Got it. 11:00 a.m. at Cheshire Middle School.”…Lubes also created the new statistic “RCI” or runs coached in for Celio and Weber who have spent much of the early season on the bench in an effort to create chemistry with new and returning players; the third annual Step Up to the Plate Charity Baseball Marathon was played on the Friday and Saturday of Memorial Day weekend at Glastonbury’s Riverfront Park with the “Yanks” spanking the “Sox” by a final score of 81-43: twelve team representatives (Balcerzak, Celio, Checo, Clark, Clarke, Rob DePalma, Dionicio, McGann, Pallone, Patenaude, Jack “Potty Jones” Vanasse, and Weber) participated, earning the squad sixty Budweiser’s and ninety Bud Lights…highlights included Celio, Weber, and Vanasse once again completing the full twenty-four hours…Clarke started on the mound for the “Sox” opposite Glastonbury’s John Skinner for the “Yanks”…Celio and Vanasse had six hits apiece while DePalma and Weber chipped in with five (remember Celio, Weber, and Vanasse all played the full twenty-four…i.e., all three sucked immensely); Celio lived the dream and played all nine positions in the field, getting teammate Dionicio to harmlessly fly out on a high strike clocked in the low nineties and going cupless as a catcher, the first time the thirty-eight year old had strapped on the tools of ignorance in his baseball career (Patenaude refused to throw anything but fastballs to “Pudge” Celio until striking out “El Dominican Dreamboat” with a change-up)...Weber also tossed an inning of scoreless ball and now has visions of being the team’s number two starter: “I’m working on a knuckleball so Patenaude doesn’t have to pitch both ends in the future.”…Joe “Doppler” Furey stole a base standing up against Web when the “Teutonic Ideal” spent several overnight hours behind the dish…McGann went 2 for 5 and threw several innings of relief; Clark was 2 for 2 with a run scored…the “Killer Ds”—no, not the bazookas on Barsa’s latest bimbo—of DePalma and Dionicio played for the Bombers and emerged victorious (the all-time series is now “Red Sox” 2, “Yankees” 1)…check out some incredible images of the game at stepupct.org…in a silent auction held at the event, Celio bid on and won twenty-four tickets to a luxury box at an upcoming Connecticut Defenders contest at Dodd Stadium in Norwich…this team outing has all the makings of its own Cannons Jeopardy! category (August 13 looks like the top choice at present); Weber has announced that he will invite members of the Rifles back to his Berlin home following the team’s tilt at New Cannon Yards on July 12…Web intends to set up a volleyball net prompting Celio to respond that the scene would mirror the well-oiled manfest of a contest from Top Gun…somebody download “Playing With the Boys” by Kenny Loggins from iTunes immediately!...Clark showed a dark side when he recommended the Cannons capture a smaller Torr-Winchester player, duct tape him, shave his head, drop him off somewhere in Berlin, and call the cell phone of “Have You Ever Seen a Grown Man Naked?” Graves to pick his teammate up at the end of the evening; Celio is leaning toward the Friday, July 31 date for Italian-Fest ’09…McGann made a post-game request to Weber that fall’s Jocktoberfest instead become Lobsterfest after the Assistant Manager announced he acquired crustaceans for $4.99 a pound at Stew Leonard’s stating, “It sounds like the price is right to me.”…of course Weber pays for all end-of-year extravaganza expenses out of his own pocket.

5/31 Studs: Patenaude (W, 13 IP, 2 R, 1 ER, 8 H, 5 K); McDowell (3 for 5, 2 2B, 3 RBI); Maule (3 for 5; 2 2B, 1 RBI…and a leg that showed no lingering affects from his injury at Bristol…breathe a collective sigh of relief citizens of Cannon Nation)

5/31 Duds: In a disturbingly recurring theme, the Connecticut Cannons defense (despite the difficulty of a swirling wind, six more errors were committed on Sunday making twenty-six on the season, leading to twenty unearned runs); everyone who didn’t drink rusty beers in the abandoned parking lot of the Suffield Inn post-game (an interesting juxtaposition as Dionicio watched two white gentlemen mowing a lawn from the comfort of a lounge chair…when teammates suggested he use the chair’s cup holder, the “Caribbean King” said, “White guys are so cinematic, you do what everybody tells you to do.”…during rain showers, Clark asked Dionicio if he had any soap in his car to get cleaned up since this is the only time Dominicans bathe…Barsa was attributed the following quote: “Women banging is a choice, men banging is a challenge.” Food for thought indeed!)