“LEO GOT RUN OVER BY A REINDEER”…IN CANNON VISION!

Leo got run over by a reindeer,
walkin’ off “the island” Christmas Eve.
The league says no to Papa Noel,
but as for Web, Borst and I, we believe.

He’d been poundin’ Presidentes,
and using steroids from BALCO.
He’d leveraged his skills with Vick Conte,
so he stumbled out the door into the snow.

The team found him flat out at home plate,
at the scene of the assault.
He had hoof prints on his “ball bag,”
no teen sex anymore and it’s his fault!

Leo got run over by a reindeer,
walkin’ off “the island” Christmas Eve.
Mike Clinton says no to Papa Noel,
but Vanasse, Quinn and Pallone all believe.

Now we’re all so proud of Barsa,
he’ll surely miss ‘ol number five.
At least he’s batting in this line-up,
‘cause a Dominican is not alive!

It’s just not baseball without Leo,
The team mourns in new navy blue.
Blanquitos cannot help but wonder:
“Will Checo show up past 10 a.m., too?”
(Please be on time!)

Leo got run over by a reindeer,
walkin’ off “the island” Christmas Eve.
Paul “Digger” Graves says no to Papa Noel,
but MP, Tom and Billy all believe.

The heat’s turned high upon the hot stove,
the team guns for “A” championship.
If drinking Barbaro sperm will help us,
Then sign me up for the first salty sip!

I've talked to other team’s Managers:
“You better watch out for yourselves.”
Leo’s sack crushed by Santa’s chargers,
and Nelson de la Rosa-looking elves.

Leo got run over by a reindeer,
walkin’ off “the island” Christmas Eve.
Dave Sacco says no to Papa Noel,
Mancer, McGann and Markie all believe.
(Sing it Cannons!)

Leo got run over by a reindeer,
walkin’ off “the island” Christmas Eve.
Sciano says no to Papa Noel,
but Drew, Gills, Lubes and J-Maul all believe.

FELIZ NAVIDAD CANNON NATION!

(*Free swinging Leo Dionicio has taken seven bases on balls in 252 regular and postseason plate appearances—one for every 36 times in the batter’s box—since joining the Cannons in 2005…by comparison, Tom Clark has thirteen in 70 plate appearance…I guess the old adage that Dominicans don’t get off the island by walking is true! Leo’s “teen date,” made famous by her mention in the ’07 and ’08 “Christmas carols” (see below) and her skin-tight jeans, is actually approaching twenty-two years of age. Oh, and the “Dominican Dreamboat” is not dead…Cannon Nation expects a big year from “El Gringo de Santo Domingo” on our way to the ’09 title…sorry Barsa!)

‘TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS REDUX…IN CANNON VISION!

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all ‘cross the state,
Not a creature was stirring, even Leo’s teen date.
The stirrups were hung by the hot stove with cheer,
In hopes Gills and Checo soon will be here.

The Cannons were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of championships danced in their heads.
And mamma in pink 9 shirt, and I in my cap,
Were dreaming of balls ripped to left-centers’ gap.

When within Cannon Yards there arose such a ruckus,
I sprung from my slumber, shouting “Hey Nemo, you f****d us!”
Away to the window, somewhat sluggish and uncertain,
I pulled open the blinds and threw back the curtain.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow,
Like the moon on the breasts of Barsa’s newest ho.
When, what to my bushed batter’s eye should appear,
But a fat man in red and Borst’s foul catcher’s gear.

With a bucket o’ balls and a bag stuffed with sticks,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
Quicker than Maule his coursers they flew,
And he whistled and called them by names that I knew!

"Now, Pallone! Now, Weber! Now, Mancer and Lynchie!
On, Clarkie! On, Markie! On, Luby and Quinnie!
To the short right field porch! O’er the top of the wall!
Now make a play! Steal a base! Crush a fastball!"

As dust devils and gnats on warm August days fly,
Like a Balcerzak bomb hit mile-high in the sky.
So up to the house-top the reindeer they flew,
A sleigh full of equipment, and St. Nicholas too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the shingles,
A cleat-like click clack, unmistakably Kringle’s.
Made my way toward the fireplace in search of the truth,
There St. Nicholas appeared like a yuletide Babe Ruth.

Dressed in Cannon duds from his head to his heels,
He obviously hadn’t missed those Jocktoberfest meals.
A bundle of baseball swag spilled from his sack,
How ‘bout when Drew gave that postseason homer a whack?

Deep dimples like base plugs! Eyes a game ball-bright hue!
His cheeks Cannon crimson, like McGann’s after two!
Lips pursed up like Web’s, post-Celio flub,
With a beard almost entirely white…like our club!

He carried himself with deportment and class,
Hope we get more than one inning pitched from Vanasse!
A handsome old coot with a little round pot,
Still, if he threw strikes I’d sign him on the spot!

He was “pleasantly plump,” a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, a mirror image of myself!
I stared in amazement, he’s a fan it would seem,
’Cause he pulled out an autographed pic of the team!

He tipped me a wink, the North Pole’s “Moonlight” Graham,
And filled all the stirrups, he had hit a grand slam!
“This season you’ll crush all your A Division foes,”
He gave a high five and up the chimney he rose!

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like a Patenaude-pitched missile.
Then I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight,
“Merry Christmas Cannon Nation, and to all a good-night!”

(*This is an updated version of the ’07 Christmas communiqué sent some 366 days ago…players no longer on the active roster have been removed/replaced and certain information has been revised to reflect the events of ’08…most notably Nemo knowingly altering the strike zone during the final inning of our 7-6 playoff loss to the Winsted Rifles…and then telling us about it in the parking lot post-game! “As an umpire you have to change your zone like that late in a game. If not, the other team isn’t going to have a chance to come back.” Unbelievable.)

Cannons—

HO! HO! HO! As the year comes to a close I always take a moment to reflect on what was and what will be for the Cannons. As always, hope springs eternal and I am excited about our prospects for the upcoming season. I look forward to once again taking the field with the Connecticut Cannons this coming spring and summer...it's cold out there now but the days are once again getting longer and we're just a few short months away from what truly is “the most wonderful time of the year.” The snow that fell this morning and over the past weekend blanketed the state—including Cannon Yards—in white. That purity represents an empty canvas, a clean slate for the team in the upcoming season. The question that begs to be answered: what memories will we place on the blank page? As a sign of sunny weather to come, the highly anticipated team informational packets will be at your doors before you know it (if there are any changes in your contact information please let me know). Four months from the end of the ’08 campaign, four months from Opening Day ’09. May this magical season bring you and yours all the joy and happiness of the holidays and may 2009 bring a CNMSBL title to Cannon Nation and the little Town of Newington. This is a time when we’re all asked to BELIEVE just a little bit and if we believe in ourselves in ’09 then our goals are achievable and the sky is the limit. Let’s CAPTURE THE DREAM. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. May you get everything on your wish list. Can you guess what I want? The same thing that tops my list each and every year (and no, it’s not the ’09 Cannons calendar featuring Leo…though this would make for a super stocking stuffer…as a matter of fact, the impressive bulge seen in “El Heartthrob de Hispaniola’s” briefs likely would be a balled up pair of socks!). CANNONS AT CHRISTMAS, CANNONS IN 2009 and CANNONS FOREVER!

MC #9 (a.k.a “Chubzy Wubzy”)

Cannons News and Notes (Christmas Edition): In # 2-related news: McGann celebrates his thirty-eighth birthday today (Gills turned thirty-four earlier this month while Checo turns thirty-five on New Year’s Eve…Dionicio and Celio have birthdays coming up in January)…the “Mayor of Manville” hopes to retire this moniker permanently as his dates with music teacher Melissa Lotstein, Celio’s co-worker at Sedgwick Middle School, have been a smashing success so far…the IF/OF describes himself as “smitten” (the pair spent some pre-b-day time on the town at Restaurant Bricco in West Hartford Center on Tuesday evening…“Bono” braved the elements, delivering Chengdu—Buddhist Delight was the entrée of choice—by foot to the lovely Ms. Lotstein on snowy Friday evening and made his signature turkey meatloaf for an at-home dinner last Tuesday night all after the two dined on Mexican at Monte Alban over the past weekend...paparazzi have been camped outside both residences in hopes of snapping a signature photo of Cannon Nation’s hottest new couple); Checo continues his rehab after off-season ACL surgery: “Things are going great and I’m planning on working hard to improve my pitching and hitting so I can be valuable to our team. I saw Tommy [Clark] pitch and he is great. Nice mechanics, throws hard with good control. I have a strong feeling that this year is going to be special for us. I’ll keep Cannon Nation updated with the injury status but since the doctor used a ligament from one of my hamstrings the recovery should be even faster. There isn’t an off-season for the Cannons.”…Clark and Checo played “fall ball” together and the humble reigning co-Most Valuable Cannon, co-Offensive Player of the Year (both shared with Maule), Rookie of the Year, Patenaude Pitching Award recipient and Bogiatzis Playoff Most Valuable Cannon said of the team’s newest recruit: “Juan may be better than me in all facets of the game. He’s really going to add something to our line-up and rotation. He’s the real deal and a huge sign for us;” post-Jocktoberfest Clark contacted Balcerzak and asked if the INS agent had any “spare time” on his hands…when Balcerzak replied in the affirmative Clark responded, “Good. Can you help me hang up all these awards I won?”…BB promises to challenge Clark for this highly coveted hardware in 2009, most notably the MVC and COPY (# 44 starts his “low carb diet sans booze” in the New Year); free agent Mike Mathews has declined the team’s lucrative 2009 contract offer: “The fantasy of [playing Cannons Baseball] is great, however I feel the commitment might be a burden (Mathews has two children, ages ten and almost-two, at home) and physically I’m not sure I can get to a place where I feel good/confident about performing at the level necessary to be successful for the club.” (there is no truth to the rumor that Celio’s “drink the Kool-Aid” Cannons Forever! Christmas card had anything to do with the decision…all items worn by the Celio children—along with other team merchandise—are available for order at Cannons World Headquarters); Gills and family found a home in quaint West Simsbury; Quinn has moved from East Hartford to “The City of Village Charm,” Manchester, former home of Cannon legend Jason Jackson…JJax is in his third year as sideline reporter for the Miami Heat; the 2009 Cannons informational packets will be mailed on January 3 from the Lasalle Road branch of the United States Post Office; the second 2009 CNMSBL winter meeting will be held on Wednesday, January 21 at the Italian Club in Avon, CT; recession be damned: Celio and League President Drew Clarke (owner of Clarke’s Sports) are scheduled to meet to discuss designs for the team’s new navy blue uniforms prior to this second meeting; the New Haven Cardinals and Suffield Irish, the B Division’s last two champions, are reportedly considering a move to the A Division in ’09, expanding the league from eight to ten teams; 2009’s third annual Step Up to the Plate Charity Baseball event will be held in Glastonbury, CT at Riverside Park over Memorial Day weekend, May 22-23 (Celio, Vanasse and Weber have already committed to raise at least $500 each to participate in the full twenty-four hours of the contest benefiting Cystic Fibrosis, Juvenile Diabetes and Prostate Cancer and others have expressed interest in competing in the entire event)…the team looks to top the eleven player total from last season’s all-nighter…the Glastonbury Little League’s hot dog cart will be available to the CNMSBL over the course of the charity event; the 2009 season marks the 20th Anniversary of the Connecticut North Men’s Senior Baseball League and the ninth season of Cannons Baseball (the Hall High School class of 1989, including Celio, Mancini, Markie, McDowell, McGann, Weber and honorary member Borst, also celebrates their China anniversary in ’09); Cannons reporters hope to add a weekly “Studs and Duds” section to the already popular “News and Notes” portion of the write-ups.