HOOK, LINE AND STINKERS
Cannons Lack Bite Against Marlins; CNMSBL Bottom Feeders Can’t Catch Break

Glastonbury, CT (AP)—Gone fishin’. That classic seasonal allusion: dust dancing lazily in summer sunbeams poking through plate glass windows, Rockwellian sign hung carelessly in the country store window meaning shop’s closed fellas, come back some other time ‘cause we’re off catching fish, a few rays, or even some well-deserved zzzzs. Regardless of what we’re doin’ we’re not doin’ it here and we’re better for this fact. The Connecticut Cannons went game fishing on Sunday but the big one—or in this case, two—once again got away as the Glastonbury Marlins swept the double dip 4-0 behind a brilliant one-hit pitching performance from John Skinner in the opener and 11-4 in the nightcap behind the triumvirate of Artie “The One Man” Pardi, Steve “Journey-man” Perry and Wally “All- World” Joyner. All but silenced, the Cannons ball club may have been better off posting a pescado proclamation rather than playing: the team is floundering, having sunk to the bottom of the CNMSBL standings at 1-5. No squad enjoys playing must-win baseball in early June but dangerous waters lie just ahead and the two games against the cross-town rival Newington Capitals (2-4) are as important for Connecticut’s psyche as they are for postseason positioning. The reality of this season bites so far and the time is now for the Cannons to turn the worm, changing from bait to great before it’s too late.

In a made-for-MLB on Fox match-up, Tom Clark took the hill against Skinner after the two tossed tremendously in last weekend’s Step Up to the Plate Charity Baseball Marathon. Clark started the game in scintillating fashion, striking out Shittake Shigetaka on four pitches, but was victimized by poor defensive play as Retardo Mercado reached on an error and scored on an failed two-out first and third throw through by first-time catcher Kevin Quinn against the stealing Joyner (“All-World” reached on a laced liner off of Clark’s arm who made a Web Gem to get the speedy Skinner at second following his single). In the home half of the first Glastonbury’s former Florida farmhand went to work, setting down the side in order and the Cannons would struggle to put runners in scoring position against the right-hander over the course of the game with just four players reaching second and only one making it to third. Clark (1-1) allowed just one runner to reach base until the fourth when Skinner lined a one-out change-up into the left field bleachers for a 2-0 Glastonbury lead and the Marlins would tack on two more runs on an error, a single and a towering double that dropped just out of reach of leftfielder Jack Vanasse. The four-run cushion was more than enough for Skinner who held Connecticut without a hit until there were two outs in the sixth as Chris Barsa squeezed a single between short and third to break up the no-no. Despite Clark’s best efforts (7 IP, 6 H, 4 R, 2 ER, 5 K, 2 BB on an economical ninety-seven pitches) the Cannons ran into what Assistant Manager Mike Weber aptly deemed “a buzz saw” and after just one hour and forty minutes the team would turn to second-year starter Quinn to right the ship. Weber said: “This was the quickest game I’ve been involved in,” to which Drew McDowell replied, “For all the wrong reasons,” while Barsa added in his best impersonation of Yogi Berra: “It got late early.” Manager Matt Celio tried to put a positive spin on things though he was clearly frustrated with the team’s offensive output: “Baseball is a funny game. Tommy has been everything we’ve expected and thrown real well for us in his three trips to the bump but he got a ‘W’ in the game last weekend when he allowed eight runs [a 9-8 win over Hartford] while he dropped a six-hit, two-earned run performance today and got a no decision after allowing five hits and two runs in the Opener [an eventual 3-2 loss to undefeated, first-place Winsted]. Perennially we are slow starters on the offensive end but three runs a game isn’t going to get it done if we want to make some noise this season [the team has tallied twenty runs in six contests, though nine of those were scored in its lone victory…Connecticut has surrendered forty-five runs]. Add that to the eighteen unearned runs we’ve surrendered and it’s not hard to figure why we are looking up at the rest of the league. We’ve worked tirelessly to put a powerhouse product on the field and we’ve certainly got the pieces for regular- and post-season success but we have to get the production we’re paying for from the guys on our roster. We’re not there yet but we’ll keep trotting the talent out until we get things right.” Despite the on-field difficulties the Marlins biggest and baddest fish showered accolades on his Cannon competitors. Skinner stated: “Toughest team I’ve faced this season. They swung the bats well, were aggressive on the base paths [Connecticut stole three bags against the ace] and really kept me sharp. They were missing some key elements with [Tom] Luby, [Jason] Maule and [Mike] Patenaude out…that could be the difference right there. I honestly think it’s going to be a run between the Marlins and Cannons in the final game of the season.”

After catching Game One for the Cannons, Quinn mounted the mound and provided a gritty, gutsy, grind-it-out performance that the team needed to compete. Despite walking the bases loaded in the first frame the twenty-nine year old righty only allowed a single run to score on a passed ball and Cannons batters seemed eager to cast a line against second starter Pardi. Bill Balcerzak stepped into the box in the bottom of the inning and deposited an opposite field homer into the right center stands to knot the score at 1. Quinn and Pardi each allowed runners to reach scoring position in the second but both bore down to escape any additional damage. In the third, an error on a slow roller by Shigetaka set the stage for the heart of the Marlins order as Skinner reached on a fielder’s choice (erasing Joyner who had been hit by a pitch) and Paul “American Chopper” Tuttle launched a first-pitch offering from Quinn over the wall in right to make the score 4-1. Mike McGann manufactured a run in the bottom of the fourth when he walked, stole second, moved to third on a Celio groundout and scampered home on a passed ball to the short backstop, cutting the Marlins lead in half. In the fifth Joyner walked, swiped second against Quinn and catcher Andy Borst and scored on Skinner’s sun-aided double over a backpedaling McGann to push the advantage back to three but the Cannons in the home half of the fifth frame. Leo Dionico singled and made his intentions to steal second clear to new pitcher Perry and his battery-mate Skinner. A pitch-out proved pointless as the Dominican Dreamboat stayed stationary but he vocalized his plans to go on the very next pitch. Perry pounded the strike zone with a fastball as the Gringo From Santo Domingo took off and Balcerzak made him pay sending the pitch skyward for his second tater of the contest. Clark followed with a double but was stranded after Quinn lined sharply to left to end the inning. Training 5-4, got defensive help from newest Cannon Adam Pallone and it looked as if Connecticut might tie things up after McGann doubled in the sixth but Celio couldn’t come up with the big hit, popping weakly to second and setting the stage for an offensive outburst from the Fish. Quinn (6.1 IP, 5 H, 11 R, 8 ER, 10 BB, 1 HBP), clearly running on fumes, allowed a lead-off single but got an out and a ground ball that went for an error plating the sixth run. A double, an intentional walk and two ball fours with the bases loaded marked the end of the day for Quinn (a tough luck 0-2) after one-hundred eighteen hard-fought hurls. Vanasse entered and issued free passes to three straight batters—Dionicio liked the pitcher’s performance saying, “I’d rather have you look good than be good”…as usual, something may have been lost in translation—and Drew McDowell, after asking Celio if this was something he could opt out of, closed things by allowing a single and then inducing the 4-6-3 double play to halt the hemorrhaging at 11-4. Weber and Borst had back to back base hits to lead off the seventh but Dionicio grounded into two and Balcerzak just missed his third home run of the game with a fly out to left to end things. “Two tough losses for us but there are a lot of bright spots: Billy seems to be hitting the ball real well, Tommy pitched his heart out in Game One but we didn’t provide any offense and Kevin left everything he had on the hill,” intoned Weber. “We plan to build on this and go into Newington, play a lot better and get a couple of wins.” McGann offered: “This is just a blip on the radar. We’re going to bounce back against the Caps, I’m quite confident of that. Once we get on a roll we’re going to be fine. It’s an overused cliché but we just need our players to step up.” Finally Balcerzak stated: “I think the team is trying to figure itself out. We have a lot of new guys, we’re trying to work out our particular niche and our personality. I really think we are going to start gelling and I see good things for the Cannons for the rest of this season. I’m looking for wins to start racking up.” Despite all of the “there are other fish in the sea” talk the Cannons still came home empty handed yet again. The fish bested the fishermen this particular Sunday and lived to fight another day.

Gone Fishin’. That 1997 cinematographic stink bomb starring Joe Pesci and Danny Glover often referred to as the Ishtar of the nineties, a bust despite the big names in bright lights on the marquee (this movie has been called better than Caddyshack II but worse than Freddy Got Fingered). The Connecticut Cannons have A-list talent but little else to show for all the ballyhooed off-season upgrades through six games. The team and the Town of Newington simply can’t afford another lost weekend. The Battle of Newington is slated for Sunday (Sacco Stadium at Alumni Field—Newington High School—10 a.m.) and though the Cannons didn’t catch the Fish there is still plenty of time to catch fire in 2008. The bulk of the baseball season is in front of this Connecticut club but someone or something has to supply that incendiary spark to light the fuse for the Cannons, unleashing an all-out artillery assault on the rest of the CNMSBL’s A Division. The calendar has turned to June but forget fishin’. It’s time to kick back with a Cannonade™ and truly covet the privilege possible as card-carrying citizens of Cannon Nation. The Fish may not have been squished but the Caps most assuredly are about to get popped! Standing room only seating is available via phone (1 800-CANNONS) or internet (ctcannons.blogspot.com).

Cannons News and Notes: Balcerzak became the first Cannon to hit to homers in the same A Division contest…the free agent acquisition will return to Medina High School this weekend where he will be enshrined in the athletic Hall of Fame; McDowell leads the team with a 0.00 ERA while Vanasse has not allowed a hit; Dionico has been suffering from insomnia over the past several weeks—he was parked outside of Cannons World Headquarters at 6:20 a.m. on Sunday, hoping Celio would wake up and hit him some grounders…he clearly could have used the extra work—leading to a plethora of potable quotables: a) “Women kill baseball players…I didn’t make it to the Majors because of them.”; b) “I wish I was gay…then I’d be rich.”; c) “Let me grab you’re a** (to Pallone, Athletic Trainer for the recently-crowned Division III World Series Champion Trinity College Bantams), you’ve got good mojo…and it’s really tight.”; d) “Quinn runs like an eighteen wheeler filled with the fattest Mexicans, like Razor Ramon and Pancho Villa.”; and e) “Celio’s calves are like weapons of mass destruction…but I don’t need to go to Iraq to see them.”…the Heartthrob de Hispaniola entered the dugout at 9:10 a.m., his earliest arrival since joining the team in 2005…he has also asked for the teams prayers in this trying time; McGann enjoyed the “scenery” at the Smith School alternate site and wondered aloud if “we can schedule more games here” (lovely ladies flocked to the field to see the Marlins and Cannons sweat); former player Craig Perrier signed with the Boston Braves late last week (the “Loaded Cannon” plans to wear 6 on his uniform, his old jersey number, or 19 in honor of his favorite former teammate, Mike Patenaude); team physicians determined that C Mark Lynch’s foot injury is more severe than early anticipated and he will require surgery, shutting the brawny backstop down for the rest of ’08…“We had high expectations for Lynchie this season because when he’s on the field he does a great job,” Weber replied when asked about the third-year player. “He’s been battling this injury and just hasn’t been able to give us one-hundred percent. I have all the confidence that [Steve] Markie, Quinn and Borst can do the job for us behind the plate. We want to see Mark back with the Cannons but at the moment we can’t entertain thoughts of a contract extension without having complete and comprehensive results released to us by members of our medical staff.”; eleven Cannons (Balcerzak, Barsa, Borst, Celio, Clark, Dionicio, Mancini, McGann, Patenaude, Vanasse and Weber) participated in the second annual Step Up to the Plate Charity Baseball Marathon at Riverfront Park in Glastonbury from Friday, May 23 to Saturday, May 24…Celio, Vanasse and Weber competed the full twenty-four hours; the Weber’s purchased a new home in Newington that promises to make previous Jocktoberfests seem squalid (according to Web, the fully finished basement is “tailor-made for Cannons Jeopardy.”)…the anticipated closing is in July; the memorial Rick Weber #0 jersey failed to hang in the Cannons clubhouse for the first time since it was retired before the beginning of the ’07 campaign; Connecticut has 39 hits through six games while opponents have 43; the Cannons have started 1-5 for the third straight season.