“FATHER OF CANNONS BASEBALL” FINISHED?
Borst Drops Bombshell; No #7 in ’07 as Patriarch Passes on Playing

West Hartford, CT (AP)—The state of Connecticut hunkered down for the first snowstorm of the winter season on Tuesday, but before a single flake fell to the ground Cannon Nation was buffeted by news colder than any Arctic Clipper and more numbing than any Nor’easter could ever dream of being. After six seasons as the face of the historic franchise, Andy “Argyle Projectyle” Borst shook the baseball world to its foundation early this afternoon when he announced his retirement from the West Hartford Cannons’ active roster. And he did so in typical tongue-in-cheek Andy Borst fashion:

“#7’s Top 7 Reasons for QUITTING Cannons Baseball…
#7—I’m an automatic out…
#6—I'd rather be playing catch with Max and Cal [Borst’s two eldest sons]…
#5—It's one less excuse for me to get high or drunk…
#4—I need to find a job that aids the power of love and overcomes the love of power...I'm told that when this happens the world will know peace…
#3—If Jesus, Buddha, Martin Luther King, Jr., Mother Teresa or any of those other enlightened beings wants me to play for the Cannons, they know where to find me...I'm told they're in touch with the power of love…
#2—The best chance I have to win the Cannons Comeback Player of the Year Award is to step down and then be brought back through divine intervention...what, they're going to send me back and still make me an automatic out? No way dude!...
#1—Me…me...me…me…me…me...me.”

“Words cannot begin to describe what Andy Borst has meant to this ball club over the years,” said a visibly shaken Manager Matt Celio as he met with reporters outside of Cannons World Headquarters today. “Tom Luby is deservedly known as the ‘Father Almighty’ in Leo Dionicio’s Cannons Baseball Holy Trinity [with Dionicio serving as the Son and Jason Maule as the Holy Spirit] but there can only be one ‘Father of Cannons Baseball.’ We’ve lost several superstars over the past twelve months—certain Cannon Hall of Famers Kevin McGann and Tom Bogiatzis—and this one stings as much as any of them. Andy’s passion for the team was unparalleled and I’m especially glad that he was a part of the 2005 Championship team because that was a culmination of years of hard work on his part. Simply stated, there would be no Cannons Baseball without Andy Borst. He will be missed.” Assistant Manager Mike Weber echoed these sentiments: “The Cannons lost not only a superb utility man—there’s no position this guy couldn’t play—but simply a superb man. Andy leaves an empty space on the team that no one player can fill. I place Borst prominently among the pantheon of players to wear #7: Mickey Mantle, Bump Bailey, Miguel Aguilar from the Bad News Bears…all of them. Borst was a playmaker, making every catch—from the lazy pops to the ones in the gap—highlight-reel ready. We wish him the best of luck in any and all endeavors.”

The first-ever Jason T. Jackson Cannons Lifetime Achievement Award recipient following the 2004 campaign, Borst is the current Cannons leader in triples (5), regular- and post-season walks (39 and 17, respectively) and runs scored (67) while compiling a career .305 batting average—raising this to a robust .348 in ’05 playoffs—and he is fourth on the team’s all-time list with 79 hits (Celio, Weber and Luby). Borst is also one of only six Cannons—along with Bogiatzis, Celio, Luby, Jason Maule and Ed Poland—to connect for a home run in the regular- and post-seasons with his memorable playoff poke and double-palmed plate-slapping at Manchester’s Mt. Nebo Field (Weber was subsequently and summarily plunked by the opposing pitcher for this presumed lack of respect for the game…in reality this was yet another example of Borst’s joie de vivre for the National Pastime). His speed, stamina and overall athleticism separated Borst from the average player and long before the well-documented and prolific short-rest pitching performances of Mike Patenaude and Ed Poland, the thirty-six year old hometown hero could be found climbing the hill to pitch both ends of double headers in the team’s infancy (Borst played every position except first base for the Cannons during his storied six-year career). The team announced that the newly-created Andrew H. Borst Cannons Comeback Player of the Year Award will be presented for the first time following the 2007 season.

Ballplayer. Champion. Friend. Father. These are all words that describe the legacy that the one known at certain times during his illustrious career as Dirty Dude, Long Hair and Slappy leaves behind as his days on the diamond come to a close. Andy Borst is a true original: there will never be another like him. He is the spirit and soul of West Hartford Cannons Baseball. He closed his comments with the following: “I’m living my life. I often think it’s a miracle that I’m still alive, that I still have an opportunity to figure things out and fix them before I get to the pearly gates. I’m playing each day like I always have…like it’s the bottom of the seventh with two down. I just want to be a good father, do unto others the way I hope they will do unto me and leave this Earth a better place than when I found it. As we all know, that’s easy to say but not so simple to do. The power of love, man…that is the Cannons.” From all of us, AB, thank you.

Cannons News and Notes: Following today’s press conference, catcher Steve Markie’s super-agent John DeMorais immediately contacted the Cannons in an attempt to renegotiate a long-term contract extension for his client…the team anticipates the same from Mark Lynch and his representatives; free agents Drew McDowell and Craig Perrier have officially signed with the team for the ’07 season; John Mancini has been in close contact with the owners of Baseball City in Hartford, requesting that the recently-established training facility “donate their membership for our time” in a brilliant bit of bartering; former team standout Bogiatzis announced that he is moving to California at the end of the month, putting to rest any and all coming-out-of-retirement rumors; in yet another stunning turn of events, Chris Barsa, Dionicio and Patenaude have all claimed to be the father of Anna Nicole Smith’s infant daughter…paternity tests are pending; Weber turns thirty-six on February 16; members of Cannons’ Management will attend the second CNMSBL Winter Meeting scheduled for Wednesday, February 21 at 7:00 p.m. in Avon…Barsa will represent the Cannons at the Town of Newington Parks and Recreation scheduling meeting on the same evening to further explore the possibility of New Cannon Yards.