SCENES FROM AN ITALIAN RESTAURANT
Cannons Congregate At Pazzo Café To Kick Off ’09 Season In Style With Fork Ball

Glastonbury, CT (AP)—“A bottle of red. A bottle of white. Whatever kind of mood you’re in tonight. I’ll meet you anytime you want at our Italian Restaurant.” Saturday evening saw several Connecticut Cannons gather for fine dining, drinks, and delightful discussion at Pazzo Café in Glastonbury for the 2009 edition of Fork Ball. Bill Balcerzak, Andy Borst, Matt Celio, Tom Clark, Mike McGann, Adam Pallone, Josh Svoboda, and Mike Weber were joined by John “The Cadaver” Mancini and the lovely Lady Cannons as the team celebrated the start of what most expect will be a special season for the citizens of Cannon Nation at this, the first foray into what should be a jam-packed off-field event calendar (not only did Celio announce the return of Italian-Fest, the in-season fraternal twin of Weber’s end-of-season Jocktoberfest, after a one-year hiatus, but Balcerzak, a self-styled “grill master,” told teammates he will add a summer cookout for the team…additional plans have not been announced though Web’s newly-built Berlin home will certainly be the site of several post-game spectaculars). “Without question, this is the biggest pre-campaign celebration we’ve had and ‘partying Cannon style’ is a integral part of each player’s contract,” Celio slurred to the scores of reporters stationed outside of World Headquarters following after dinner drinks at West Hartford’s Plan B with Borst and McGann. “Creating even greater camaraderie among our players is something management will focus more attention on in 2009: we believe this will translate to more wins on the field and I know it will give us some more Cannons Jeopardy! questions. We’ve built a team of great ballplayers but, more importantly, of even better people, solidifying the Connecticut Cannons status as the class organization in the CNMSBL. All that’s missing is an A Division championship… and we’ll have one of those in approximately six months…and several more over the next few years.” In eight weeks the Connecticut Cannons will celebrate an Opening Day sweep of the Winsted Rifles, the first steps in what will undoubtedly be a season-long march to greatness with the team’s first-ever title at the top level and the Andrew Clarke/Michael Clinton Trophy. On Saturday evening, the players received their marching orders in a grand slam get-together, closing down Pazzo’s in Fork Ball ’09. Ready, SET, GO CANNONS!

Winter Meeting News and Notes: Several onlookers thought Borst, scruffy in a 60’s-style “blouse” and glasses, resembled the late, great John Lennon; Balcerzak was “outted” by wife Jill who informed the team that nattily-clad Bill is indeed…a raging metrosexual; Borst asked “Mayor” McGann where Manville is located (“Mayor of Manville” is the nickname given to M-Mac last summer when he proved popular with countless males but less so with those of the fairer persuasion…the arrival of Melissa Lotstein on the scene may mean McGann will not seek re-election to this imaginary post)…the super utility player responded to the query by stating succinctly, “It’s two blocks to the east”…coincidentally these coordinates place one squarely at the offices of A Division President Mike Clinton; after some decidedly blue comedy about his weight loss and resulting improved love life (though this improvement decidedly took a hit last night after this colorfully explicit commentary), Celio—with unwilling help from teammates—drunk dialed many of the 2009 roster invitees, including a rambling all-Spanish message left for Leo “El Dominican Dreamboat” Dionicio”…the messed-up Manager made it his mission to finish every bottle of wine at his end of the table (many more than the choice “bottle of red, bottle of white” made famous in Billy Joel’s 1977 seven-plus minute spectacular that lent it’s name to this article’s title); Svoboda impressed his new team by attending the event even though he had another obligation; Clark was disappointed with his chocolate/raspberry dessert (recommended by Celio), wantonly desiring Pallone’s Chocolate Volcano; Weber and Borst had a heated discussion of the merits and demerits of organic and pesticide-free foods…Web also gave the post-meal inspiration speech; Chris Barsa was scheduled to attend but sent a text message on Saturday saying his date fell ill (the text message move has not been applied so deftly since Mike Calabrese retired from the team following the ’08 season…Cal was a referee for McGann’s Hall Warriors basketball game on Friday, an eventual loss to a strong Southington squad; Pallone’s wife and Cannons Fan of the Year frontrunner, Lauren, verbally committed to play softball with Audra Celio in Newington on Sundays this spring and summer; Balcerzak and Clark made their feelings felt about Mark Lynch, who earlier this week announced his retirement from the Connecticut Cannons: Clark quipped, “Lynch is a p***y, plain and simple. We don't need to beg him to play. He's not good enough, nor is he dependable which is my biggest issue. I pitched to four different catchers during my first four starts with the Cannons in 2008 [Connecticut has Kevin Quinn, Steve Markie and Andy Borst as backstops for the upcoming campaign].” Balcerzak fondly recalled, “As far as Lynch goes, I won't ever forget one of the Sunday afternoons I saw him last summer. We had just finished playing two games in 95° heat. He was in the parking lot of CVS sporting sandals and eating ice cream with his girlfriend. Oh, and there was no sign of his phantom foot injury or even a mild limp.”; Jason Maule has promised to pursue pitcher John Mayette…other Cannons, including Balcerzak and Pallone, gave glowing testimonials in favor of the prospect and Pallone offered his services in order to help the team sign the starter; Glastonbury is the site of the CNMSBL’s annual Step Up to the Plate Charity Baseball Marathon, to be held from Friday, May 22 to Saturday, May 23, 2009 at Riverfront Field.