STUFFED JOCKS, LOADED CANNONS
Connecticut Celebrates 2008, Closes Out Campaign With Annual End-of-Season Extravaganza

Newington, CT (AP)—Saturday evening, October 4, saw the Connecticut Cannons 2008 CNMSBL season officially come to a close as Assistant Manager Mike Weber hosted Jocktoberfest, baseball’s true “fall classic,” at his stately Newington manor. These fun-filled festivities—Connecticut’s chance to eat, drink and be merry—were heavily attended by Cannons players (thirteen), family members and friends and were highlighted by hearty food, a hotly contested fourteen-category Cannons Jeopardy!, won in a repeat performance by ’07 champ Chris Barsa, and the hugely popular ’08 Cannons Awards. “Management always looks forward to the opportunity to show our players how much we appreciate their commitment to Cannons Baseball,” said Manager Matt Celio as he spoke with multitudinous media outlets camped outside Cannons Compound South. “Without question the Connecticut Cannons will be the team to beat in the A Division in 2009 but tonight we celebrate 2008 like only we can. Cannons tonight, Cannons tomorrow, Cannons in 2009. CANNONS FOREVER!”

The start of the ’09 campaign is just slightly over six months away as Connecticut looks to build upon its third-place CNMSBL A Division finish from the past postseason, when the Cannons once again came within a single run of the title tilt in a seventh inning slip-up, a devastating 7-6 defeat at the hands of the Rifles after leading 6-0 with two outs and two strikes in the seventh. Weber is quite fond of the quote, “If you’re not getting better, you’re getting worse” and this has become a mantra for management. A spectacular 2008 recruiting class, highlighted by Bill Balcerzak, Tom Clark, Adam Pallone and Jack Vanasse, made this the most successful season for the Cannons since joining the A Division. Baseball brainiacs know that championships won on the field in August get their start in off-season acquisitions. With a full returning roster—Tom Luby expects to be completely recovered from the back surgery that cost him the entire ’08 season while Kevin McGann’s representatives from the firm of Dewey, Cheatem and Howe have been in constant contact with the club in recent weeks—plus the additions of power-armed pitchers Juan Checo and Bill Gills to bolster an already vastly improved rotation makes the Cannons not only a sexy but a smart pick in many of the league’s postseason publications. And Connecticut may not be done yet. “Our goal is to add as many superstars as possible to the ever-expanding Cannons constellation and this season will be no different,” Celio stated on his weekly radio show Cannons Chat (Sundays at 5:00 p.m. on WPOP, ESPN Radio 1410 in the Hartford market). “Our core is unparalleled anywhere in the league and we don’t need to do much to be the dominant team in A Division play in 2009 and for the foreseeable future. Losing the way we did to Winsted makes us a hungry and dangerous team for the upcoming campaign. We will realize our full potential and power and we’re all ready to exact revenge from the Rifles and our other CNMSBL opponents. Consider the rest of the league put on notice.”

Another Jocktoberfest has come and gone. The daylight hours are getting shorter and shorter as we spiral slowly toward the bottom of the year and hardball hibernation. Yet as always, hope springs eternal and the Connecticut Cannons and the fanatical citizens of Cannon Nation grow increasingly excited about the prospects of the team’s ninth CNMSBL season. Nine: a significant number in the annals of baseball history. The number of positions and players on a diamond defensively from Mudville to the Yards, the “Splendid Splinter,” Enos Slaughter, 61 for Roger in ’61 (a Hall of Fame homer-fest, besting “The Babe” while while Mantle nipped at his heels), Reggie with the A’s, Minnie Miñoso, Mazeroski, Roy Hobbs, Cannons victories this season and likely the number of ladies Leo Dionicio will bring to next season’s Jocktoberfest (surprisingly the “Dominican Dreamboat” only brought dos dates in ’08). Add 99.99% reliability that the Connecticut Cannons will be the A Division regular and postseason champions in ’09.

Cannons Jocktoberfest News and Notes: Clark finished the evening with five awards, tied for the all-time single season total (Jason Maule, 2006)…he was joined by multiple winners Maule (3), Mike McGann (2) and Mike Patenaude (2); Clark became the fourth Cannons pitcher in five seasons to toss his way to the Patenaude Award (Patenaude: 2004 and 2007, Mike Calabrese: 2005, Ed Poland: 2006); Clark and Maule shared the Offensive Player of the Year and Most Valuable Cannon Awards; Clark, McDowell and Patenaude were co-playoff Most Valuable Cannons (award winners are named by members of management); Balcerzak and M. McGann split the Golden Spikes vote, presented to the players who exhibit exceptional athletic ability, commitment to the club and superior sportsmanship on the field while representing the Cannons (both were participants in the ’08 Step Up to the Plate Charity Baseball Marathon and were the only Cannons with extra base hits in the event); M. McGann took home Most Improved Cannon honors for the third time in five seasons: “It’s a good thing I sucked early in my career. I don’t know how many more times I can pull this off,” joked the “Mayor of Manville”; Patenaude won the highly-coveted Jason T. Jackson Lifetime Achievement Award, joining Andy Borst (’04), Celio (’05), Weber (’06) and Luby (’07) as recipients honored (this award has a ten-year grace period for past winners); Barsa earned a 2009 Opening Day start by becoming a back-to-back Cannons Jeopardy! champion…Balcerzak was the runner-up…K. McGann served as scorekeeper; with his ’08 Teammate of the Year/Service Award, Celio remained the Cannons’ lifetime leader in awards received (13 in five seasons of plaque presentations) though he will almost certainly be surpassed by Maule (12 in three seasons with the team) following the ’09 campaign; other lifetime multiple winners include Luby, McGann and Patenaude (6 apiece), Poland and Weber (5 each), Calabrese, Dionicio, Drew McDowell and K. McGann (3 apiece) and Tom Bogiatzis and Borst (2 each)...“Father of Cannons Baseball” Borst was named the ’08 Andrew H. Borst Cannons Comeback Player of the Year...following his retirement prior to the ’07 season the “Argyle Projectyle” had this to say about a possible return to the team: “The best chance I have to win the Comeback Player of the Year Award is to step down and be brought back though divine intervention. What, [Jesus, Buddha, Martin Luther King, Jr., Mother Teresa and any of those other enlightened beings] are going to send me back and still make me an automatic out? No way, dude!”; Jake “Mr. Cool” McDowell was named 2008 Fan of the Year, the fifth different recipient since 2004; the McDowell’s Sports Complex is under construction and the “Hick From Red Stick” hopes to have it operational by early ’09: “We’ll work hard and be ready for a HUGE 2009 for the team!”; a “system cleansing” Clark told teammates he had not eaten anything but grapes since Tuesday, September 30: the reigning regular and postseason MVC said, “I tried to take a dump today and nothing came out. I feel like a chick.”…Weber claims to have thought a cleansing included eating and drinking as much as you want: “That’s what I do anyway.”; the Cannons tapped their first keg together…the beer, Michelob; Gills, because he didn’t play in ’08, maintained his “rookie” status for the ’09 campaign; former Cannon Troy Barber planned to stop by but got lost on his way to Newington; Gills, Luby, Mark Lynch, Markie, John Mancini, Maule, McDowell and Pallone were the ’08 roster players not present at the End-of-Season Extravaganza. 2009: The Year of the Cannon!

2008 CONNECTICUT CANNONS REGULAR AND POSTSEASON AWARDS

2008 Ann Luby
Cannons Fan of the Year
Jake McDowell

2008 Cannons Rookie of the Year
Tom Clark

2008 Andrew H. Borst
Cannons Comeback Player of the Year
Andy Borst

2008 Most Improved Cannon Award
Mike McGann

2008 Cannons Offensive Player of the Year
Tom Clark

2008 Cannons Offensive Player of the Year
Jason Maule

2008 Kevin J. McGann
Cannons Defensive Player of the Year
Jason Maule

2008 Michael K. Patenaude
Cannons Pitching Award
Tom Clark

2008 Cannons Golden Spikes Award
Bill Balcerzak

2008 Cannons Golden Spikes Award
Mike McGann

2008 Matthew D. Celio/Michael F. Weber
Cannons Teammate of the Year and Service Award
Matt Celio

2008 Jason T. Jackson
Cannons Lifetime Achievement Award
Mike Patenaude

2008 Tom “Mr. August” Bogiatzis
Most Valuable Cannon Award—Playoffs
Tom Clark

2008 Tom “Mr. August” Bogiatzis
Most Valuable Cannon Award—Playoffs
Drew McDowell

2008 Tom “Mr. August” Bogiatzis
Most Valuable Cannon Award—Playoffs
Mike Patenaude

2008 Most Valuable Cannon Award
Tom Clark

2008 Most Valuable Cannon Award
Jason Maule

2008 Cannons Jeopardy, 1st Place
Cannon Nation Salutes You!

CANNONS FOREVER!
Chris Barsa