WIN Y THE POO
Cannons Crap the Proverbial Bed Then Close Out Cubs Via Mercy Rule

Mansfield, CT (AP)—Winnie the Pooh is the fictional bear created by author A.A. Milne in 1926. During World War I, English troops were being transported from western Canada—Winnipeg, Manitoba in this instance—to the front in Europe. On his way to the Atlantic, Lieutenant Harry Colebourn bought a black bear from a hunter and named her after his hometown (“Winnipeg” or “Winnie” for short). The bear became mascot of Colebourn’s Brigade and made the trip to Britain with the unit. When the Brigade was eventually posted to the battlefields of France, Winnie was presented to the London Zoo where she became a popular draw, particularly with Milne’s son, Christopher Robin, who named his own stuffed bear Winnie in honor of the ursine attraction (Milne, inspired by his son’s collection of stuffed animals which included Eeyore, Piglet, Tigger, Kanga and Roo, wrote a series of books about the adventures of the bear, Christopher Robin and their friends in the 100-Acre-Wood). One of Milne’s more famous quotes is, “It’s so much more friendly with two,” and the Connecticut Cannons couldn’t agree more, though taking two this season has proven to be more of a “bother” than anyone would have expected entering 2008 (the team has only one Sunday sweep with a pair of wins against the cross town rival Capitals on June 8). In fact, at times it has seemed as if “a little black raincloud” has hovered over Cannon Nation keeping Connecticut from accomplishing all it has aspired to this campaign. The postseason is quickly approaching and the Cannons’ players and frenzied fan base have a title “rumbly in [their collective] tumbly” and an A Division championship is the only thing to satiate this hardball hunger. Sunday’s twin bill against the Cubs at the Eastern Connecticut State University Outdoor Athletic Complex defined the dichotomy that has been the ’08 Cannons: the much-mentioned commitment concerns forcing management into difficult game one decisions compounded with a slow offensive start (the “poo”) starkly contrasted with a near-complete roster competing at the highest level in all facets of the game in the team’s three-year A Division history (the “win”). “I think everybody—our fans, the Cubs, the CNMSBL as a whole and, most importantly, the Cannons—got a look at what we can be when we have enough pieces to play around with,” said Manager Matt Celio in his post-game press conference. “Mike [Patenaude] was brilliant in eleven innings on the mound today and our offense was dangerous from top to bottom in game two (even without Leo Dionicio, Steve Markie and Drew McDowell, all of whom are expected back for next weekend’s regular season finale at the University of Hartford against the Nationals). Multi-hit games from [Mike] McGann, [Bill] Balcerzak, [Jason] Maule, [Tom] Clark and [Andy] Borst and every starter contributing with at least one hit and one run (six of nine players also plated a runner) means there wasn’t an easy out in the line-up. This is what we can be and this is the output we anticipated when we put together the roster in the off-season. The regular season is important but it won’t matter much if we put everything together and play like the team we are capable of being over the next month or so. I know I wouldn’t want to play the Cannons in an elimination game if I was an opposing ball club.”

Scheduled game one starter Tom Clark, after a sleepless Saturday evening spent tossing and turning, cited “burn out” and a desire to take a Sunday to “regroup” before the playoffs in an e-mail issued to management at Cannons World Headquarters (there was also significant confusion since the CNMSBL website listed the games as canceled...Clark eventually arrived in the middle of the first contest and was used as an extra hitter in the seventh inning). Adam Pallone, the consummate Cannons teammate always willing to play where the team needs him most, answered the bell as he was called upon to eat up valuable innings as a bridge to Patenaude on this hot, humid day. Unfortunately Connecticut’s junior-most member did not have his best stuff (which the team was fortunate enough to witness in his only other start of the season against the Newington Capitals) and the Cubs were able to push five first inning runs across against the twenty-seven year old right-hander. Rouge Moulin led off with a walk and after a fly ball to Patenaude in right four straight Cubs reached safely against Pallone (1 IP, 3 H, 5 ER, 3 BB, 1 K) as Mike Kakalow singled, Bobby Meaker walked, Paul Verboven had an RBI base hit and Van Wilder dropped a run-scoring dinker between Patenaude and Weber in short right field. The young Maryland product got Scrubs Noheimer to ground out to McGann at third plating another run and then allowed the only hard hit of his outing, a two-run line drive down the left field line by Eddie Murphy, to give Kakalow and the Cubbies a comfortable five-run cushion. “It was hit or miss with Adam today,” stated catcher Kevin Quinn outside the visitor’s locker room. “He didn’t have his best stuff and his location was a bit off allowing the Cubs to sit back on fast balls. Those guys didn’t hit him particularly hard but they were able to do just enough to give themselves a lead and they never looked back.” Kak ran into little resistance from the Cannons offense as he scattered five hits over seven innings (two apiece from Celio and Quinn and one from Chris Barsa). The Cannons put runners in scoring position in the second, fourth, fifth and sixth but squandered opportunities at each turn to come away empty handed for the fourth time this season. Patenaude (5 IP, 2 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 2 K) pitched near-perfect baseball in fifty-six pitches of economical relief but it was not nearly enough as the Cannons fizzled to the 5-0 defeat.

Game two saw Patenaude re-position himself on his familiar perch atop the mound and though less dominating as would be expected as his pitch count approached and then topped the century mark the senior-most Cannon battled as he “scattered” nine hits over five frames (six in the first two innings where he incredibly allowed just one run). Offense, defense and pitching were on full display in the second game for the Cannons as the Big Guns went to immediate work against Kakalow (another pitcher trying to perfect Patenaude’s multi-game art but only paling in comparison). Balcerzak, Maule and Clark, playing together for the first time in more than two months (May 18, not coincidentally in a win against the Nats at New Cannon Yards), singled in consecutive at-bats with Clark pushing Balcerzak across with the go-ahead run and the initial chink in Kak’s armor on the day. Patenaude surrendered his only run of the double dip in the home half of the first as Dane Cook singled and scored on Murphy’s two out hit to center (Maule came up throwing and nailed Meaker as he tried to make his way to third to put an end to the threat). The Cannons bounced back for a run in the second as Pallone doubled and scored what would turn out to be the game-winning run as McGann dropped an important two-out pop fly into right field after Borst had been picked off at first. Patenaude allowed three straight singles to Wilder, Noheimer and Royce Bentley to start the second but a strong throw from the outfield kept the sacks jacked instead of surrendering a score and the fifty-two year old left-hander went to work to keep the Cannons on top. After tantalizing Bill Lageman with two perfectly executed pitches the Eastern Assistant Manager grounded a nubber right in front of home that Quinn pounced on, dragging his toe across the dish and firing to first to complete the 2-U-3 double play. Moulin followed with a come-backer that Patenaude fielded and flipped to first for the final out of the frame and the Cannons would make quick work of Kakalow in his ninth and final inning on the mound. Maule singled sharply and stole second to put a runner in scoring position with nobody out. After Clark went down swinging, Quinn hit a hot shot to third that Meaker airmailed over Lageman at first scoring the speedy Maule and moving another Cannon safely into second. Mike “Teutonic Ideal” Weber singled to left as Quinn came around with the third run and after a Pallone strike out Borst beat out an infield hit to the hole between short and third to keep the inning alive. Barsa singled scoring Weber and McGann hit a two-run triple—the first of his Cannons career—to push the lead to 7-1. Patenaude allowed two runners to reach with two down in the third but Wilder’s ground out to Barsa at first ended the inning and Connecticut’s offense went right back to business against Eastern’s reliever Cook. Maule led off the fourth with his third straight single, Clark followed with a base hit and Quinn knocked in Maule for a seven-run advantage. Weber chipped in with a sacrifice fly to left that scored Clark and the Cannons could sense an A Division first within striking distance. Patenaude allowed a lead-off double to center in the bottom of the inning that Noheimer foolishly tried to stretch into a triple but he was unceremoniously cut down on another amazing laser from Maule ending any thoughts the Cubs might have about making a run. After two quick outs the top of the Cannons line-up once again got down to brass tacks as McGann and Balcerzak singled and Maule drove them home with a double to left just out of reach of a diving Bentley. 11-1 Cannons and Patenaude (5 IP, 1 ER, 9 H, 0 BB, 4 K) toyed with the top of the Cubs order in the fifth, striking out Moulin and Cook before getting Kakalow on a lazy pop fly to center to end the ball game giving Connecticut its first-ever mercy rule victory in A Division play. Assistant Manager Mike Weber was extremely pleased with his team’s game two performance: “I’ve had the pleasure of playing baseball with Mike Patenaude for eight seasons and in that time we’ve witnessed many great things from him from All-Star appearances to championship clinchers but I can say with certainty I’ve never seen the guy have as much fun as he had on the field today. It seemed like he was in total control regardless of the situation and when you combine that dominance with the defense we played behind him along with the offensive production you can see why we would be a scary match-up for any of the teams in our league in the upcoming playoffs. We finally have two top flight pitchers [Patenaude and Clark] plus proven players we can bring in from the bullpen. We’re not consistent enough yet for my liking and I don’t want to jinx us in any way but if we play the way we’re capable of there’s not a team we can’t beat out there on a postseason Saturday or Sunday.” Celio didn’t seem too worried about a Cannons Curse and he didn’t mince words in his live radio program (WPOP, ESPN Radio 1410 a.m.) from West Wings Bar and Grill—forty-two beers on draft and eighteen flavors of wings, several of which the Cannons sampled as they celebrated the victory—in Hartford: “I’ve guaranteed game two victories the past two Sundays and our guys have come through. Now I’m guaranteeing a Connecticut Cannons Championship in 2008. Post that on all of your bulletin boards CNMSBL A Division!”

Pooh-ya Cannon Nation! Some quotes from the terrific tome Pooh’s Little Instruction Book: “Before beginning a hunt, it is wise to ask someone what you are looking for before you begin looking for it.” “To the uneducated an A is just three sticks.” And finally, “Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day.” The Connecticut Cannons are clearly in the title hunt, knowing full well what they are looking for and what is at stake at this time of the season. An “A” Division title is not simply three sticks placed together but something of much greater value to the citizenry of the highest “caliber” country. Though there’s little rush and undoubtedly the Cannons will get there some day, playing with a sense of urgency is not such a terrible thing. Is there anything wrong with winning a Championship right here and right now? Certainly not and the “bears of little brain” found out on Sunday exactly what they and the rest of the league are up against when the real Connecticut Cannons come to play. Professional prognosticators and parlor room pundits agree that the CNMSBL A Division is an open book at present. The Cannons are looking to add a chapter to their glorious history, the perfect bookend to the B Division Championship of 2005. Hopefully there is more “win” than “poo” in the team’s immediate future. Tickets for the July 27 match-up against the Nationals (incredibly listed at 5-5 at press time!) are available at 1 800 CANNONS or on-line at ctcannons.blogspot.net.

Cannons News and Notes: Patenaude lowered his ERA to 2.95 and evened his record at 4-4 on the year); Pallone’s ERA ballooned from 0.00 to 8.75 (he allowed just two unearned runs in his three-inning performance against Newington); Borst has played in seventeen of the team’s eighteen contests this season (missing only game two on Opening Weekend at Winsted), good for the team lead; Maule leads the team with eleven runs batted in and now has thirty-three total since joining the Cannons in 2006 (also tops on the club); Clark had the five-hundredth at-bat of the season for Connecticut…his fourth inning game two hit was the team’s 151st of the campaign, the most ever in A Division play (2006: 130; 2007: 150)…Clark will wed his long-time girlfriend in October and the two are expecting a child in early 2009…internet dating pioneer “William” Clark—a Lewis and Clark reference—claimed to be part of several Shallow Hal moments including a dangerous dildo debacle and the time when he told a partner, “If you lost one hundred pounds you could be hot”…he promises this wasn’t offensive to the young woman because he was “sincere”…Mancini responded saying “fat chicks can be fun”; “Favre” Mancini announced plans to retire—again!—if he goes 0 for ’08 (currently “Blue Fire” is in an 0 for 13 slump in limited action to start the season)…Mancini approached the plate sans helmet in the third inning of game one saying, “I need to shed the weight…I can’t afford the extra ounces”…Mancer lamented the low pressure saying repeatedly “That ball is outta here on a high pressure day” (former Marlin Joe Furey could not be reached for comment)…when asked if he would be going to California to fight wildfires, the Hartford fireman responded abruptly: “F**k that!”; Pallone’s double was the thirty-fourth extra base hit of the campaign, eclipsing the mark of thirty-three set last season (McGann added a triple and Maule a double to push the team total to thirty-six with two to play); McGann and Pallone, Chicago Cubs fans, said it would be “hard to root against the Cubbies”; Pallone became the fourteenth member of the Cannons to earn his playoff eligibility this season (Mancini [1] and Markie [2] can still make the playoff roster by participating in the team’s final regular season contests); after eighteen games the Cannons’ team batting average stands exactly at .300 (156 for 520); ten of the sixteen players with more than ten at-bats have at least ten hits (Balcerzak, Borst, Celio, Clark, Dionicio, Maule, McDowell, McGann, Quinn and Weber); McDowell and Quinn are tied for the team lead with forty-eight at-bats; the one hundred twenty strike outs are the most ever by a Cannons ball club; “Big Aristotle” Borst philosophized: “The Cannons are coming together, ‘cause if we’re not we’re coming apart”…think about it; McGann missed McDowell, saying he “likes Drew behind him” further fueling “McGann is gay” rumors (“Big Mac” or “Bono” as he is also known claims the facts that he has “no money and a green car” are the real reasons he is currently single); Weird Science: one hundred percent of McDowell’s 1989 Hall High School classmates agree that his mother, Becky, who attended last Sunday’s games against Winsted, is hot (McGann prefers his father, George); Connecticut tied a regular season A Division record by earning its sixth victory…the club can become the all-time wins leader by beating the Nats this Sunday; ballots for the 2008 Cannons Awards will be issued to players on Monday, July 28 (if the final mandatory rain date is not required…if necessary the ballots will be issued on Monday, August 4); the CNMSBL postseason is scheduled for August 9, 10, 16 and 17 (sites to be determined though the Newington fields have been used in past seasons and have been requested again in 2008); former Cannon Craig Perrier is 7 for his last 9 for the Boston Braves (.471 on 8 for 17 overall this season)…still bitter about his release, the former first baseman turned outfielder/pitcher thanks the Cannons for his “minor league experience” now that he has locked on with the “big city Braves” (8-5).