RASTROS FELICES
Dionicio Done in A Division? Makes Good on Minor League Promise to Mets

West Hartford/Newington, CT (AP)—Happy trails to you, until we meet again. Happy trails to you, keep smiling on ‘til then. Who cares about the clouds when we’re together? Just sing a song and think ‘bout sunny weather. Happy trails to you, until we meet again. At exactly 8:00 p.m. on Friday evening the Connecticut Cannons felt the full force of an unexpected off-season bombshell when award-winning infielder, Jets fan and Gold Club connoisseur Leo Dionicio announced he has accepted a B Division assignment from the Hartford Mets (terms were not disclosed, though they undoubtedly pale in comparison to Connecticut’s best offer: four years, $84,000,000). So it’s vaya con dios time for the Gringo from Santo Domingo after three seasons in Cannons crimson. A prized piece of the 2005 free agent puzzle that exploded on the Connecticut North Men’s Senior Baseball League scene, Dionicio helped the then West Hartford Cannons capture their first Championship with a stunning 10-9 come-from-behind victory against the perennial powerhouse New Haven Cardinals, putting the Cannons on the CNMSBL map and moving them from the outhouse to the penthouse of the league elite.

In an emotional press conference held at his Hartford, CT home, Dionicio told members of the national and local media: “In 2008 I won’t be playing for the Cannons. Instead, I will be fulfilling a promise that I made to a friend [Mets Manager Ruben Serrano] to play for his team. I know that accepting to play for Ruben is a demotion for me, kind of like taking a minor league assignment, but I just want to honor my words the same way I did with the Cannons when I committed to play for this wonderful team prior to the 2005 season. This wasn’t an easy decision for me, but instead of having [management] guessing and dealing with my prima donna-like behavior, especially around this time every season, I’d rather come clean early and [help everyone] avoid the headaches. I love Seth Rogen-look alike Manager [Matt] Celio in a non-gayish way and my time with the Cannons was always enjoyed to the max. I will miss a lot of things about this team and certainly I will miss all of my wonderful teammates, especially the Almighty [Tom Luby] whom I think is the best non-professional player I’ve ever seen plus the best teammate ever. As I’m saying this I’m even thinking to myself, ‘why am I leaving this team?’ Indeed, I have no reasons to leave this team other than to please an old friend who has followed every game that I have played as a Cannon, the same guy who gave me my first shot to play baseball after fourteen years of retirement. If I didn’t have this dilemma I would have been the first one getting ready to play a new season with my dear Cannons. I’m lost at words [but] I just wanted to share the news with you all, tell the Cannons that I love them, and wish the whole Cannons’ family good luck in the new season. I will be cheering for those guys and I’m sure [they] have the talent to go undefeated throughout the playoffs especially since the end of the season is when all the Cannons pieces—hitting, defense and pitching—come together. Cannons forever.”

Dionicio, 38 (though additional birth certificates have surfaced over the years delineating the Dominican Dreamboat may be as young as 34), initially signed a two-year contract with the Cannons in advance of the 2005 campaign and was re-signed before the beginning of the 2007 season as the Mets actively pursued his talents. Prior to what has come to be known by poets and scholars as the “Dream Season,” Dionicio prophetically pontificated, “All it takes is one Dominican to win a championship.” From that point forward he became a media darling for the Cannons, proving quote-worthy enough to have “Cracking the Dionicio Code” Jeopardy categories named in his honor after the ’06-’07 seasons (highlights include: drinking “Barbaro sperm” as a between-game energy drink; popping pills and thanking Victor Conte for “leveraging my skills”; saying over the course of several Sundays, “I love it when Celio puts me in the two hole; I love the number two hole so much…I plan to go deep in it”; “I plan to make some noise from the two hole today”; “I feel right at home behind Maule”; “When Maule and I stroke balls it feels great…it really gets the guys excited”; “There’s a lot of little boy in me right now”; “I like things that are big and thick”…a reference to McDowell’s forearms; not playing center or batting before Maule because “I’m black”; the racially charged “I hate white people…but white women are freaks”; “Los Fraternity Blanquitos, Lambda Lambda Lambda; and the always-popular “Get mad at ME!” to Mike Patenaude after flubbing a potential game-ending grounder).

Along with having his name forever etched on the ’05 edition of the Andrew Clarke/Charles Masse Trophy, Dionicio also secured several coveted Cannons Awards in his all-too-brief career (2005 Cannons Silver Slugger; 2005 Sexiest Cannon Alive; 2007 Most Improved Cannon; 2007 Batting Title winner with a .484 batting average). Always an offensive threat (along with an A division title, the Triple Crown was a yearly goal), the Hispañiolan Heartthrob compiled a .353 lifetime average in three seasons—47 for 133…his 47 hits are good for ninth place in a Cannons career—and is fifth on the team’s all-time home run list (Luby, Ed Poland, Mike Weber and Jason Maule). In postseason play he was equally consistent, posting a .362 average—17 for 47—while driving in seven. Dionicio was expected to log innings at shortstop, third and second for the Cannons while batting behind Maule, one of the fastest and most feared one-two combinations in the A Division today.

“I’ll miss #5 out there on spring and summer Sunday’s,” stated a saddened Celio after learning of the departure. “I love Leo and it’s a little like losing a brother from my Cannons family. As I’ve said several times, the Cannons are a tight-knit group and Leo was a big part of that. He was a centerpiece player for us and although I’m not particularly fond of the decision I respect his right to choose who he wants to play for. It will to be difficult to replace him both in our line up and in the clubhouse where he kept the guys loose. A lot of our offense has been focused on the top of our order since moving up to the A Division. Breaking up the “Holy Trinity”—Tom’s “Father,” Leo’s “Son” and Jason’s “Holy Spirit”—could possibly hurt our offensive production. Other guys are going to have to step up and lock and load with the lumber from the very first pitch. The team’s off-season moves have focused specifically on bolstering our ball club on the defensive side (pitching and gold glove caliber players have been the Cannons concentration since the end of last season) so we may have to do things a bit differently in Newington this year. We will undoubtedly remain active in the free agent market before rosters are due to CNMSBL officials in March (team representatives immediately stepped up efforts to acquire Billy Gills and Jamie Palmese before the start of the 2008 season). It goes without saying that we won’t be the same without Leo. Losing him hurts but the Cannons are bigger than any one player. This is big business so we have to be. Our goals have not changed one iota: commit, compete, win ball games, home field advantage for the playoffs, championship. It’s the same this and every year, no matter who we trot out on the diamond. Leo should do well down there. We wish LD all the best and thank him for his three years of service to the team. He knows where to reach me if he decides his heart beats loudest for Cannon Nation.”

Rastros felices: happy trails, Leo Dionicio. Friends and fans alike hope you find what you’re looking for and that your promise pays off in the end.

Cannons News and Notes: Dionicio also discussed the team’s future, including advice for Manager Celio and his assembled staff: “I love the fact that Cannons management went out and hired some new arms since that’s basically the thing that we needed the most, though MP [lefty Mike Patenaude] should continue being the ACE…and [Jason] Maule should bat third…oh, and Barsa still $UCK!”; El Hijo, unbeknownst to him until recently, has worked out with Mike “McLovin” McGann’s parents for the past four years; El Dickie also wanted management to be aware that his “teen date,” made famous in the second line of the yuletide classic ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas…in Cannon Vision! (“Twas the night before Christmas, when all ‘cross the state, not a creature was stirring, even Leo’s teen date”) is now street legal at a tight 21 years of age; Dionicio’s favorite baseball movie according to his player profile: Balls and Curves starring Ron Jeremy; Major Dan Krenk (U.S. Army), a true American hero and former Cannon—he is the team’s all-time leader in on base + slugging percentage at 2.334 in limited playing time—is currently serving his country as a surgeon in Kosovo (the tiny enclave gains its independence on February 17); Mark Lynch recently celebrated his 37th birthday…Scott Hurlbert and Weber turn a year older later this month; Celio, John “Diggler” Mancini and Craig Perrier spent happy hour together at Plan B and West Wings in West Hartford/Hartford on Friday, February 1; Marni Luby challenged the Celio children to compete against her daughters for Camper of the Week honors at Flamig Farm in West Simsbury, CT this summer; the initial draft of the 2008 CNMSBL schedule has been altered…games between the Cannons and the Cubs have been flip-flopped to accommodate the Baby Bears in their efforts to secure Eastern Connecticut State University’s diamond (Connecticut will now be at Cannon Yards on May 4, almost one month earlier than the originally anticipated June 1 date against A Division President Mike Clinton, John Skinner and the Glastonbury Marlins); the second CNMSBL winter meeting is scheduled for Wednesday, February 13 in Avon, CT.